Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[JB4]

Thank you for your beautiful words and understanding
My hubby has been diagnosed and is on various meds, and unfortunately I suspect he thinks the pill will magically fix everything. Actually, I'm probably wrong to say that, he does acknowledge that looking after his physical wellbeing will help with the symptoms, but this horrible illness doesn't seem to allow the sufferer to be able to get up, and help themselves. Sad really
As for me, I have recently had a meeting with a family and carers organization and have had a visit with my GP and organized to have counseling to help me with my carers role. I just feel so incredibly lonely and sad and really did not imagine my life like this. I visioned family holidays, family beach time, hanging together, my hubby actually wanting to spend time with me, but it's not the case and I feel like I can't pretend that all is good anymore.
Anyway, just got to pull in my big girl pants and suck it up. The most daunting thing though is knowing that this illness will ALWAYS be there, waiting to take its victim to the depths of hurt, anger and despair 😩
My hubby had a difficult childhood, parents divorced, horrendous step father, alcoholic father, and I suspect his step mother was too, and unfortunately he was separated from his sister and no one spoke up for him, he had no voice, and ended up using drugs and alcohol to push it all down. Well, now he's sober (almost 2 years) and he is in the midst of all the emotions (especially at this time of year) and is feeling EVERY SINGLE ONE
I'm not making any excuse for him, but I'm tired of our Christmas being full of hate and spite because he can't move on, I know it's so selfish of me to think this way, but part of me thinks what about our family and his children and the neglect and hostility he shows us.
I'm doing it all on my own, and I'm bloody tired.
Thank goodness I found this forum. So thanks again for your reply and letting me vent once again.
I think the saddest thing is that I never wanted to be a carer, I wanted to be a wife and a mum. I'm just so overwhelmed and tired right now I can't even do that well.
So thanks again. 😊

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @JB4 .....

I skim-read this reply from you a couple of sprays ago, but haven't been able to give it my full attention before now ..... even at the time, it was so close to my own feelings in my own situation, it is almost as if I wrote it to you ... 

There is a big difference in that my hubby didn't suffer the alcoholic abuse, but he did suffer a different type of emotional abandonment by one parent, and "emotional incest" you would probably call it, ny the other.  There is also European war damage in the family background, and cultural inheritance of "stiff upper lip" which gives little credence to acknowledging and processing emotions, particularly in the menfolk .....

It is clear in hindsight, and with the benefit of researching the conditions that underlie eating disorders, that my hubby has been ill for a very long time, but this illness tends to channel itself into societal patterns that have, until now, concealed it and helped to excuse it,  

Our family business was both a catalyst and a shield .... it gave this illness, which is like an octopus with many arms, respectability .... and by default I ended up operating like a single mum for most of our married life.  Once we sold the business, I thought everything would balance out, and we would have the family time, balance, loving time spent together as a couple, etc .... exactly as you have described.  Instead this illness became more diversified, intense, and invasive to all our relationships.  I have been hanging on for dear life, and can clearly see that my husband requires intervention, and even then, it will be an ongoing battle as he unpacks all the underlying emotional crap ....

Well .... it's a case of either you're in or you're out .... so it means big girl pants, sucking things up, and making your way forward each day, as you know,  You're in company here at least, as am I ....

I wish you all the very best for the new year, and look forward to chatting on a lighter note sometimes .... 

I will tag you from a couple of other threads if you haven't found them already, and help you find your way around a bit ....

Take care.

🌷💜

[PeppiPatty]

dear @Faith-and-Hope
Everything you wrote I thought me...me...I skim when in that space and return, I understand that crumpling down after thinking things will get better when theres a big loosening of a major stress.....
Golly.
written with the whole sane community in mind.......
Happy New Year to all......
I've already had my hot chocolate with cream....I'm in bed..it's 11.58pm...
PP

[Sharon3]

Very sad indeed I don't really have much insight into suicide but I think just be careful don't leave everything to the police or anyone if you feel he is not safe trust yourself and talk to him please he is your husband demand he looks you in the eye he is not a child to you and you must never ever enable him for everyone sake for the greater good I hope he is not drinking during these times. He can go outside alone he needs to be silent and ignore neighbours he has children to protect. Just be careful you do not end up enabling him. My prayers go out to you...