Hi @JB4 ..... welcome to the forms .... 🌷💜
My "like" for your post was "I hear you ....!" 😔
Four children in 12 years is a big deal .... ‼️
I had five children in 10 years, twins amongst them and one with a disability .... not intending that to come across as a "spitting contest" ..... just to say that I understand the sort of pressures you are under, and yeah .... since battling an mi in my hubby in the last few years - who was pretty much work-absent when the kids were growing up - I think it was easier that he was absent ....
Our mi issue is an eating disorder, and I have since learned that he had it when our kids were small, in a different form. At that point it was BED, and he wasn't fighting within himself, just succumbing .... the work-absenteeism, although deemed necessary for our business needs, I can now relate to as an OCD behaviour, and believe that our line of industry attracts and supports these sort of tendencies. It is also an underlying condition often associated with e.d.'s .....
Our current form is an OCD nightmare of atypical BN or AN, perhaps BPAN .... can't get him diagnosed or treated cos he is still firmly in the denial stage, and is hiding the disordered behaviours behind a mask.
So ..... the "where did my husband go ?" or "who is this imposter ?" I can relate to so well .... 😕
I began with trying to excuse him .... and it sounds like you might have too with yours ....
✳️ It's difficult managing a large, young family ..... but most difficult for you if you are the primary care-giver .... and who is caring for the carer .... ??
✳️ It's tiring ..... you betcha it is .... !! ..... and you need to be given a break, not have marbles thrown under your feet ....
Words twisted .... eggshells .... anger .... 🤔
I started with our family doctor. Unfortunately for me, my hubby had been losing weight under the watchful eye of our doctor, and lying, disguising, fudging what was really happening, so an intervention was taken against me initially .... 😠.... but I don't expect that would be your case, and despite hat I have battled through, I would still recommend your family doctor as your first port of call .... ✔️
Your husband may be feeling entirely overwhelmed and this "ugly guy" is his response. The GP should be able to organise counselling for you as a couple. Do you think it's worth a try ? Your hubby might need a skill set that he is lacking at the moment, especially if he was raised in a household where the child raising was left to his mother, and his father's peace at home was sanctified .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:
An mi might get picked up and diagnosed in the counselling process .... 👍🏼
Of course you have other options, but like me, they are likely to be a choice between a rock and a hard place". Whatever your decision, you need and deserve support - support to stay, or support to go. I have chosen to stay, but going to a counsellor gave me a voice with someone where I wasn't being heard before, and I have moral support.
It also gave me credibility, although of course it's being misconstrued as me having an anxiety issue by my hubby .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:😜😆 .... I can live with that. The truth will eventually emerge.
Please keep chatting with us here. I have found the forms an invaluable peer support. Just the sense of anonymity provides a place to vent, and that is so important, especially when managing your children. Your own sense of overwhelm and distress needs an out somewhere. You will also be on the Rceiving end of compassion, shared experiences, solid advice, and a shoulder to cry on when needed.
Keep swimming ..... 🐠🐠🐠 .... and we'll be swimming with you.
