Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Akky]

My mother is in her mid 50's and was diagnosed with bipolar when she was in her early 30's. She has been hospitalised multiple times throughout her life. She is currently in the midst of another episode and our family finds it so difficult to cope. She had her last admission to hospital 2 years ago and that was one of her worst episodes. This time feels as bad as the last time and it's difficult for us to convey to the local mental health team just how sick she is. Often she is picked up by the police and taken into the emergency department and we are frustrated that it always seems to get to a super dangerous point before she gets help. We understand how the mental health act works but she is being dangerous at the moment and it's almost as if our concerns aren't listened to.

She has currently attached herself to family friends who have just had a death within their family and has been going there daily. Tonight for the first time they couldn't get her to leave. Most nights they can get her to go home but tonight she flattened her car battery and bent her bonnet latch so it couldn't be closed then hid her car on their farm. A farmer from a neighbouring farm fixed the bent bonnet latch and they jump started her car so they could get her to leave but she became agitated so they are letting her stay for the night and are calling the mental health team again in the morning (They have called this week as well as myself and my grandmother to express our concerns). The husband/father from that family just died suddenly a month ago so they are dealing with the grief from that but they are trying to help her because they know she is not talking to our family at the moment. They are worried that if she becomes isolated from them she will have no one and will hurt herself either intentionally or unintentionally. She has been walking long distances by foot and trying to hitch hike which is something she did during her last illness. She walked barefoot along a highway and took herself to an emergency department where they realised she wasn't right so they tried to detain her under the mental health act and she escaped the ED. Luckily someone from her local community saw her wondering the streets and took her home.

She is currently obsessed with domestic violence and telling people that my brother, brother in law and sister in law are physically abusive so none of them are talking to her. I have a partner who she currently dislikes because she believes I should marry a police man that she has an obsession with. Her symptoms are extensive at the moment. I don't even understand how she functions there are so many and they are so varied.

She believes that Prince Harry of the English royal family is communicating with her. She had an ex boyfriend die when she was in her mid twenties and she believes he drives in the car with her and instructs her. She believes she can't go home because her phones have been tapped. She is generally obsessed with becoming part of the armed forces but this time her obsession is with surf life saving. She has been hiding her car in the local national park and walking home so 'they' don't know she is at home. She is currently obsessed with the date Monday the 27th of February, telling people that she won't be around after that date and she has started giving her possessions away.

To us all of those things are signs that she has deteriorated beyond the point of any one helping her within our family or community. She was visited by the mental health team two days ago and from what they've told my grandmother it seems they feel they can't do anything because she answered all of their questions correctly. I have no idea what these questions were. She did admit to them that she has lowered her medication dose of her own accord and the friends she is staying with at the moment believe that tonight she disposed of a lot of her medication in one of their paddocks. I'm worried how it is affecting their family. The mother and eldest daughter know my mother the best and have been the most supportive but the younger sister hasn't had to cope with my mother like this before. She is only 18 years old and she was the one that was there when her father collapsed and died. She performed CPR on him and is obviously traumatised by that. She is finding it so stressful having my mother there so often she wants to move out.

As you can probably tell this is causing my anxiety levels to rise as well as I am feeling hopeless that I can't do anything. I was one of the few family members she was talking to but this evening I spoke to her and asked her to go home and leave them alone (in the nicest way possible) and now she thinks I am out to get her as well.

That family are absolute angels but they are currently helping her to their own detriment. I feel as though the police and the next service I have to call just so she will leave their farm but I am worried as to what her reaction will be to that.

[NikNik]

Oh @Akky what a difficult situation you're in. It's so hard when you know in your heart that your mum needs help, but the CATT team can't take her. It seems like they even have an inkling that she's not okay.

Sadly, you're not alone in your experience. Some time ago @Kara talked about her experience with their  mum not being admitted when she needed it, which you can read about here, and similarly @Impala talks about their mother who was experiencing a manic episode, which you can read about here

In my experience, the CATT team have encouraged to call, even if we're not 100% sure what to do. They may not come to a call out, if you think it would be problematic, but they may have some advice on how to manage a situation anytime you need them.

How are things travelling now?

[Lunar]

Hi there @Akky,

I am so sorry that your Mother is really struggling at the moment, the constant paranoid thoughts, delusions and not admitting how she is doing a really reflecting her mental health at the moment, she is lucky to have you looking out for her.

It seems throughout all of that she has really pushed a lot people away and burning loved ones out including yourself, this can happen so it's so important that you get soem support to reduce your stress and concern as well as time out, are you able to talk things through with family or friends at all? It's great you have come onto the forums, I  hope you find it helpful to talk here, we are here for you.

You also said you weren't sure how to support her and you feel hopeless, this can be really hard to sit with, but I just wanted to reassure you that you are doing a lot and this really helps. Just keep that line of communication open and let her know you are there to talk about all her worries and concerns as that must be exhausting for her. It might be helpful to reflect her feelings behind the thoughts so she gains that insight as to how she isnt coping and how that is making her feel..

Lunar 🙂

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Akky,

Was just wanting to check in on how things are with your mum and finding help?

Hoping things have gotten better for you.

CherryBomb

[Akky]

Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to read and respond to this. I wrote a lot! It was clearly a stressful point in time. Mum was admitted to hospital not long after I wrote this. There were about 7 people around to make sure it was done as safely as possible (2-3 nurses, two police officers, ambulance officer and a psychiatrist). She has been in hospital since (about a month now).

The plan at the moment seems that she will be on a permanent CTO which she seems to be on board with. She still seems way off. She seemed to have some good days 2 weeks in or so but her delusions seemed to have swung back into full gear over the past 2 weeks. She ended up in the observation ward last week. I'm not sure what happened exactly but mum told me a nurse hurt her.

The most frustrating element to her being in hospital is the lack of engagement of the hospital staff with our family. I have spoken to a doctor once about our need for help in supporting mum and we seemed to be on the same page. I'm a health care professional myself and the environment I work in is strongly focuses on family engagement as a way of providing better outcomes for patients - family often being the best resource of support for the patients needs. the same doctor said she would take my number and call me with updates about mum. I have yet to hear anything from anyone at the hospital. I have been to visit mum on multiple occasions and I have never had a staff member engage with me past opening the door for me when i buzzed. I have called hoping to speak to someone in regards to mum's progress and the last time I did was cut short by someone and pretty much hung up on like I was inconveniencing them. Honestly, I know I should be doing more for her but when it seems like I am annoying the staff by wanting to speak to them it saps my strength to deal with it.

She is also in a hospital much further from home this time which means I was the only family member able to visit and her only visitor until Tuesday last week when I took my grandfather and cousin out to her hospital.

Mum is still alluding to suicide, escaping and the fact that Prince Harry has been contacting her. It makes for an exhausting visit. Maybe after this post things will change.

I don't even know if this all makes sense. I feel so wound up and tired. It feels a bit better after typing this all out.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Akky

I don't know what state you are in but under the mental health act there are rules in relation to how a public hospital treating team MUST engage with family and carers. If there is loss of capacity there is usually a 'responsible person' which is often appointed by the patient (verbal consent or medical enduring guardian) but can be done through guardianship board. This person is the substitute decision maker.

In medical circles I usually refer to myself as my husbands carer but am his enduring guardian which is his legal substitute decision maker. Fortunately Mr Darcy is happy for me to be involved in his care; he does not understand medical things.

I believe that involuntary patients are vulnerable, my husband was given some treatment I was really upset about when he was an involuntary patient which I failed to see as being evidence based (even legally my hands were tied, the mental health tribunal would not entertain an application against a single drug, they said they could only rule on a class of drugs).

I will now research everything and will demand answers to any questions I have from the treating team before we accept any treatment on offer. Unless urgent, we don't make on the spot decisions but take time to look things up. We do respect their expertise and only once have declined a treatment.

I have posted a link to some YouTube sessions about loss of insight on the "whats new" tab, these are really helpful.

Darcy