I am struggling at the moment

[Teej]

Thanks @NatalieS 💜🤗

[outlander]

@Teej 💜 💙 💛 💚

[CheerBear]

Agree with it being great to see you @Teej. Big hugs again and very sorry to hear how hard things were yesterday.

Growing cuttings sounds like a great idea. I reeeeeally need to re-pot some plants of mine soon. Maybe a little some time soon goal too.

I hope your hours are going OK today. I think I get the ripped off feelings there. That first big down/crash that comes after a good run and/or one that comes after a helpful break, can feel extra tough I think. Could it be a really bad day/patch where the wheels wobbled rather than a wheels coming totally off thing?

❤

[Sans911]

@Teej

I understand your in a low spot right now, but never ever feel you can't post things in the thread I'm on. I've got no problems with you being there.

You don't know yet what the final outcome will be in mid August. It might just go your way yet. You're already telling yourself that you've not got a chance. Go gentle with yourself Teej 💜💙💜

[Teej]

What do you do when it goes over and over and the wanting to shut it off gets bigger and bigger @Sans911

[Sans911]

@Teej

It's easy to shut down feelings right? You and I know how that works. I'm wanting that tonight too. Do you think you can sit it with me? It won't be easy, but facing these hard feelings and getting through is strength in itself. Are you with me?

[Teej]

Not sure what to say @Sans911. I feel defeated 😕 I think. A while ago I was planning  a big one. Just now I’m not so intent on being that destructive but I’m not through the night either. Everything feels like life or death again and I feel so selfish. 

[Sans911]

I understand @Teej

Sounds like lots of big, swirlng emotions going on for you right now. But it doesn't have to be life or death. And your not being selfish either.

You can choose life @Teej

You can get through the night with me right there beside you. You'll do me a favour too in not being self destructive.

Tonight you are hating yourself and these big emotions. Turn that around and give yourself a chance to show yourself some compassion and self care. You owe that to yourself. And you can do it. I know you can

[Teej]

I don’t think that I anticipated how much harder it was without the kids around to help keep me accountable. It’s sooooo much easier to be destructive when there is no one to stop you and i forget they exist because I’m in my head so much. 

[Sans911]

Perhaps see the situation as your kids might be home anytime, so you don't want them to see you in that state. And be accountable to you, to take of yourself. Do the right thing for you

@Teej