20-05-2020 03:01 AM
Greetings brothers and sisters of Humanity
I acknowledge that some of you reading this are going through the rough seas, that some of you may be on the very last thread, and the thoughts of suicide on the surface may seem like a very reasonable option considering the circumstances and situation you find yourselves in, however, before you choose to take any irreversible action, please read this post.
Many of us on these forums know your pain, and many of us here are survivors of the same things you face.
I am one who has lived experience of the journey, a journey which is not found in books, nor is it taught in schools or understood by those coming solely from an academic background, there is no degree or qualification to match lived experience and I hope that what I have to share will help you to navigate the way out from the storm.
I speak from a place of lived experience from the darkest hells to the highest heavens, experience of suicidal thoughts emotions behaviours and how to overcome them.
Experience of overcoming and curing severe depression, fear, anxiety, and diagnosis/labels stuck on by psychs such as bipolar, schizophrenia, schizo-affective and the many labels that I would not let them put on me.
Experience of ultimate transformation to experience natural bliss joy and ecstacy, to take the spirtual path of true awakening.
I have found the cure for mental illness, and I am willing to share freely with those who need my service, who are willing to listen.
On today’s menu: Suicidal thoughts emotions and behaviours and how to overcome them.
With awareness of neuro-plasticity we know that we can transform our minds to work with us rather than against us, to re-program our own minds and put ourselves back in the driver seat of our lives.
Suicidal thoughts, emotions and behaviours can all be overcome and prevented.
You need to recognise that you are not your thoughts, this character creating the drama, the story of "me" creating the suffering, if you want to overcome suicidal thoughts emotions and behaviours, then that's the one that needs to be investigated and that's the one that needs to "die", NOT YOU.
Overcoming suicide is not about leaving the body but rather, it is about overcoming the "self" that causes the drama and suffering in the first place.
It's an ironic paradox, that we give ourselves the answer when we tell ourselves "I want to ___ myself" and that’s precisely what we need to do is to overcome the "self" / character saying those things.
To enquire and question into them, "to whom has this thought arisen?" (self-enquiry meditation) from an audience perspective, to distance ourselves from the little "me" which is a personality construct we have picked up, accumulated and created over time.
No-one is born suicidal, it's something we picked up, a character we are playing for a little while on the stage of life,
It's healthy to view the suicidal character as a kind of costume we're trying on, and that's ok, as Shakespeare said "all the worlds a stage".
This unconsciously created sense of "me" is not who we really are though this suicidal character, we are witness to it.
We saw it all, the name we were given, the likes, the dislikes, persona, personality construct, the happy, the sad, the angry, the loving, all of them, costumes, masks that we picked up from the world on our journey, a coming and going of faces, we have been witness to all of them, but we aren't a coming and going like them, we’ve always been here we watched the whole show, so who are we? (look into self enquiry meditation).
Please, dear one,
understand that you are needed, and you are worthy, otherwise you wouldn't be here. You are a part of creation, made out of divine material, LITERALLY the same material as stars, a valued brother or sister of the Human family, the Galactic family, and the Universal family and I care about you because you are my family.
You are rarer than the rarest of gems, you are infinitely unique and what you have to bring to the table is infinitely unique, you are a priceless jewel of which no price for your life can be made and You are worthy of your life or it would not have been granted and given to you.
I want you to know and understand that you are a gift to the world.
You are a unique expression of creation, this being that you are, this form that you are has never been before, and it will never come again and that alone is worth living for, that alone is precious and valuable, because you are irreplaceable.
I need to clarify that this isn't about self-worth or self-esteem or self-confidence, it is about the awareness of what is already here and who we really are; This is about becoming Self-less.
Self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence can be dangerous investments, false investments because the self itself is not the value, it is an artificial construct, what I am referring to when I speak about value and worthiness is about our unique cosmic blueprint and expression of creation that we naturally are, not the personality construct of "Self" of "me" with likes and dislikes etc which was picked up and programmed into us.
You are going through a process of transformation, it is similar in nature to the caterpillar becoming a butterfly, and no caterpillar ever became a butterfly without the darkness and uncertainty of the cocoon first.
So please know that no storm lasts forever.
"Easier said than done" says who?
If you hear that saying, then this character too needs to be dealt with too, to whom has this thought arisen?, it's only an opinion that is picked up from society, another mask as previously stated, it's not entirely true, in fact it's a lie and I can prove it in yet another way, because the distance between change is only a couple of neurons and the neurons of the brain are faster than speech, so it’s actually easier done than said.
We cannot force a Butterfly from it's Cocoon before it's time, so be gentle with yourself, this transformation will take as long as it needs to.
Ok, so we made some mistakes in the past?, we messed up, things got shitty, perhaps we lost everything, but so what, each rung on the ladder was part of the journey and you will look back on this time in years to come as another rung on the ladder, and you will be glad you chose not to leave the body.
I'm even grateful now for all the suffering I went through, for every rung on the ladder that got me to where I am now, no matter how dark they were, they all contributed to my transformation and awakening and it was all worth it.
Some old sayings are good and helpful towards a stronger and clearer mind, they are tools to aid and assist our transformation,
I'm sure you've all heard the saying "There's no point in crying over spilt milk", envision this now: you have a cup of your favourite beverage, you get bumped, now watch it in your minds eye spill onto the floor, it's done, see it on the floor? It can't be undone, so any emotion and drama about that is pointless.
You have the ability to make peace with the past because it got us to where we are now, reading this, we can't change the past, and no amount of thinking can ever change that, it's something that we all must accept, however we can change how we view it, it was all part of the journey, rungs on the ladder, stepping stones upon the flowing river stream but it doesn't mean it has to be our present or future.
When we are learning to walk and we fall over, we don't just stay on the ground and give up do we? We get ourself off the floor, dust ourselves off, and try again until we can.
Some of us may not see a path or purpose for living just yet but that's just because we are temporarily experiencing the fog and that's ok, that’s a valid experience too, so be ok with the fog, it's part of the process, be ok with the cocoon, be ok with the darkness and soon;
The splendid glory of the sun will rise again and cast it's light upon you,
and you will know true peace within you, your heart will be cleansed of scars and pain; all suffering be gone.
You will be free again, to dance as a delicate blossom gracefully dances upon the warm and gentle spring breeze,
The gentleness of nature will warm your heart again, it hears you, it knows you, breathe, listen, connect, take your time, it's ok dear one, you are heard.
Again, We cannot force a Butterfly from it's Cocoon before it's time, be gentle with yourself, this transformation will take as long as it needs to.
Your story and where you are now is part of the journey to get you to where you need to go, its a stepping stone to overcome.
Your current situation is only the result and product of your past thoughts emotions and behaviours, it doesn't mean your reality is stuck that way.
The present moment is always a life saver out of any troubles because the past and future don't exist right now, they only exist in the mind as memory and imagination, the present moment is always a blank canvas to paint what we want.
Being present isn't something that takes effort, or an action that we "do" because there is no other time, more awareness of presence is acquired by letting go of past and future oriented mind.
Fear and anxiety arises because of a future oriented mind, its always about what might happen rather than what is happening.
Depression is always connected to the constructed personality, the identity of “me”, it is memory, and sometimes how that construction of past “me” relates to false perceptions of present and imaginary projections of “future”,
the reason you suffer is because you are identified with past and future which are both non-existential, they only exist in the mind as memory and imagination.
If, after everything I have said here, you're still waking up every day only wanting to die as I was, then you could also try this, as I did, to challenging those voices, by jumping out an Aeroplane, that is, to go skydiving, that way you will be faced with a very real life/death situation not knowing if the parachute will pull or not, and if you are happy to have your feet on the ground at the end of it, then you know you want to live and it can help to put the mind at ease if they rise again, you can remind yourself that you've already been through it and decided that you want to live and eventually they will have no power over you and cease all together.
What you face right now is only temporary,
This mountain doesn't have to be as big as what your mind has made it out to be, and you may be surprised how strong and capable you really are once you CHOOSE to get back in the driver seat of your life.
No storm lasts forever and you are going through a transformational period,
There is a reason and purpose for all of it, even if you can't see it yet.
You will get through this if you give yourself a chance, and choose to allow yourself to do so.
It is the pressure upon a piece of Coal which turns it into a Diamond, and when you get through all of this you will be even stronger.
Stay safe, stay strong,
Breathe, everything will be ok.
25-05-2020 10:09 PM
26-05-2020 10:25 AM - edited 26-05-2020 10:44 AM
@outlander Welcome always, pleasure,
I would also like to share with you and others who come across this post,
An appropriate and fitting piece of music from one of the greatest violinists in the world,
who's name is Samvel Yervinyan, performing at the Yanni concert,
this piece is called - "Until the last moment"
05-06-2020 12:18 PM
Thank you @Guiding_Light @I have been feeling very suicidal off and on lately and I am struggling. My therapist was supposed to call me today for my appointment but she didn't and so not sure what happened there but still not helpful. Your words were lovely thank you.
05-06-2020 12:49 PM
Hi @Lilly6 ,
I'm reading that it’s a super hard time for you right now. It can be challenging to juggle suicidal feelings and urges to SH, we want you to know we support you and are in this with you. Would you be open to getting in touch with SCBS or Lifeline for a chat if needed? It’s important you stay safe, if you require urgent assistance please phone 000. Hope you are doing well.
05-06-2020 01:20 PM
Thanks @Otter I am open to calling crisis numbers and will do so if I need to.
05-06-2020 09:49 PM - edited 05-06-2020 10:03 PM
It's a pleasure, I hope that seeing things from a new perspective helps to shift things for you.
I don't know 100% how things are for you or what is going on in your life and the challenges that you face, though I do understand the thoughts and emotions of the journey which are more or less the same vibration of what I and others have experienced, so please know there is support here for you if you need it.
When something like missing an appointment occurs or something happens due to someone elses actions where it is out of my own hands, I see it not as a mistake but rather that it is meant to be that way; otherwise it wouldnt be happening, you were created for a purpose, there is a reason for your existence and there is a place that you fit into all of this, in time it will reveal itself.
Sometimes we may not see or know all the reasons why things happened the way they did until months or years or even decades on, but please know that you are exactly where you are meant to be in the transformation right now and that you are not alone.
It is all part of the process to get you in synchronization to where you need to be, it is part of your learning process from which you will grow alot.
All tough times can be an opportunity to enhance our lives, an opportunity for inner growth and more understanding of ourselves and others.
Hang in there, It's not an easy thing initially going through it all, though with a little understanding of thoughts and emotions which causes those disharmonic thoughts and feelings in the first place we can transform a terrible bumpy ride into a relatively smooth one, let us know if you need someone to talk to there is alot of good support here.
If you wish to speak with me specifically, just let me know and I will get back to you when I can.
Through my own journey I also found music to be a great way to take the mind off things, music that is soft and pleasant such as harp, singing bowls and ambient music or nature recordings can be very healing and beneficial and depending on where you are at, sometimes music that can help to release and cry is good for heart healing too.
I recently found a new band called Light in Babylon, I just love them!
Stay strong, be well, you'll get through this, it's only temporary.
13 hours ago
Hi @Guiding_Light You said in your post that things are how they are meant to be. That makes me sad because if that's the case then whatever power created my purpose has a sick sense of humour.
I have been through so many tough times in my life and right now I am tired. I agree though that music is great and it has helped me feel better on more than one occasion 😌
Thank you for replying to my post, I appreciate your support.
2 hours ago
thanks for the reply,
In regards to what I meant, I should clarify and clear things up a bit as it probably wasn't explained as well as it could have been.
When I said things are as they are meant to be, I was referring to the process of which I briefly touched upon in the original post, this is the process of the rungs on the ladder and being ok with the darkness, making a friend of the darkness and validating each and every rung as part of the journey, as experiences and frames of the movie slide which make the whole story, they are only temporary and sometimes they need to occur to get to where things need to be going, they may even break us which in the end may be a good thing as I have found in my own experience to discover the one who was broken and needed to be broken was never who I really am at the core.
So the suicidal thoughts and feelings are viewed as just thoughts, opinions, characters, and to validate their point of view and expression without labelling and judging them (ouselves) as bad and negative, because everything is fundamentally neutral, it is we who give meaning and definition to things and the meaning that we give things determines the effect that we get out of them.
I will give you one good example, when we had the bush fires many people from cities and people who don't know anything about the bush (largely due to fake media who distort the story like the ABC) automatically put a judgement and label on it as a negative and "bad" thing that shouldn't be happening, however this couldn't be further from the truth, there have been many fires throughout history without the influence of humans, it is a natural process of nature to cleanse and renew itself, I live in the bush and I have witnessed and observed this cycle, when the dead bark and leaves accumulate on the Forrest floor, the chances of fire increases and one day, it comes to clear things and that is why responsible fire management such as burning off during cooler seasons can reduce such hot fires from becoming unstoppable raging furnaces, storms which wipe out everything in their path and taking much longer to rejuvenate.
There are some plants, for example such as the grass tree more commonly known as the "black boy" which can live for more than 600 years, this plant NEEDS fire in order to survive and re-produce it's seed, I found some of these plants which where both affected and unaffected by the recent fires, the affected ones where completely black trunks and started sprouting new growth with 1-2 weeks after the fires, however the unaffected ones are also black at a certain point up the trunk due to some past fires. They are living evidence showing their growth since those fires which may have happened more than 100 to 200 years ago, everything now in the bush is growing back and much of the animals where not lost and killed at all as it has all been falsely portrayed by the media.
The animals are not stupid they have existed here for millions of years they know what fire is, they knew well before that fire was coming and they went either underground or simply moved away to safer areas.
Now my point here is that the flames are part of the process and there is no mistake about that, it's meant to happen, renewal cannot happen without destruction/transformation/cleansing of the things standing in the way of that renewal, new plants cannot sprout so easily when the burden of the past of what is dead (leaves and bark) is so dense and heavy on the Forrest floor (also in the mind what is dead from the past the burdens the heaviness of old) and this understanding and analogy is also connected to our own minds and "inner-standing" (to understand the inner), in the case with our own minds and the suffering it is because of those characters standing in our way creating that drama and mess so destruction is a beautiful thing in this sense when it is to destroy and overcome the things that don't serve us.
This destruction doesn't have to take on a negative label either as much of society has been trained to do so, in fact you can do it in a loving and compassionate way which is most recommended, to thank each and every character and what was previously viewed as "bad" to thank them in gratitude because without those characters and rungs on the ladder we wouldn't get to the new ones and there would be no contrast to know what "good" is either. (if there is resistance to thanking them, then that obstacle needs to be investigated too as to why there is resistance and we work through each one at a time, I can do this process however not in this forum, look into self inquiry meditation).
After I went through this phase of everything being hell, even the smallest things made me happy, things that others took for granted, because just about anything was "good" compared to what I had been through and the every day thoughts and feelings of only wanting to die which I simply chose was no longer my story, I let go of that character and yet now looking back on it I'm grateful for it and I know I was meant to be there at that time to go through that and experience the journey, otherwise I'd never be able to help others and understand this process and you never would have read what you did or reading what you are reading now, everything I went through made me very strong and I'm grateful for that, lived experience is something that no book or academic course can teach and when you get through this you will also be very strong too.
So tough times are a gift, it is all a matter of shifting our perception to see things differently.
If you keep saying things are bad and negative then you will be supported in that belief too because you are loved and supported in whatever you choose to be your reality.
It is like sitting at a restaurant and a waiter comes up to you and says "may I have your order please" and then you say "terrible, bad, negative" the waiter then proceeds without judgement because the waiter represents the aspect within us which knows that all views and experiences are valid and part of God, they are all valid expressions of creation so it's then like the waiter saying "ok sure, is that all for today? coming right up".
All of this, all that I have spoken about and written, is a mater of moving from unconsciousness to consciousness, and we can only do that if we have responsibility for our story and what we created (unconsciously), if we don't take responsibility for our own vehicle to take the driver seat and steer the wheel in the direction we prefer then that’s when life becomes literally out of our hands.
So it's a great thing to say “yes I’m responsible for my life, for the creation of where i'm at, it's my story, my journey, I own it.” By doing so only then can it turn into and become what we truly prefer.
Things are the way they are because of past unconscious and programmed thoughts behaviours and actions, it doesn't mean the present and "future"(which is also presence) has to be that way, "so since this is my vehicle I'm going to CHOOSE to take the wheel and own it, because when I choose to do that; I know I can steer it and direct it to where I truly prefer to be."
This is what is required to recognise that where you are is where you are meant to be, for without this process, you may never understand or know the importance and value of being your own driver and becoming your own master, without this rung on the ladder we won’t reach the other ones and there also may be other unforeseen reasons for us to go through what we are going through.
So what I have shared is a way to tame that fire and reduce the fuel load so that the fire is manageable and not a raging out of control storm which destroys more than it needs to, it can be viewed as a kind of map by someone who knows the way to the inner treasure of who and what you really are and this can only truly be known by lived experience and it is for you to discover, so your path and journey is a gift, you are that gift, currently just wrapped up behind layers of wrapping paper (masks/thoughts/identity constructs), it's perfectly fine to be on for example the 4th or 5th layer there's no mistake about it, it's where you are meant to be and that's ok, your journey is unique and beautiful we all have to go through that layer to get to the gift within, you are that gift to the world, just waiting to be unwrapped by you, and only when we unwrap ourselves from the coloured wrapping which is not us (masks, artificial constructs) can we then discover who we really are and the gift that we are within, removing the obstacles just like the fire does, like peeling back the layers of the onion.
Thank you, if you still can't see any value in what you have gone through, then I can tell you that at the very least you have already contributed to a book that will change the world which I am writing by your experience and participation which has helped me also to unlock other views and perspectives within my own being (nothing personal will be shared about you, i'm referring to the mechanics of the mind), you have helped to remind me another analogy to add to my book, my grandma use to keep the wrapping of her presents, she appreciated the wrapping as beautiful and lovely just as much as the gift inside, and this is a great reminder for exactly what I meant when I said that you are where you are meant to be, because it’s the journey that matters, the wrapping paper is part of that experience, and we can either choose to label the wrapping paper as bad and negative and worthless, or we can shift our perception to see it as beautiful and lovely too because without it we would not have the experience of presents and gifts at all, I've never met anyone who doesn’t like receiving and opening gifts, the mystery of what’s inside is what makes it exciting.
So even though we have characters thoughts emotions and behaviours that may be negative or "bad" they are still part of us and our experience, they need to be validated respected and seen that they are also part of creation without judging ourselves, then we can forgive and have compassion and gratitude for ourselves and our journey and we can then move on to grow towards our highest potential.
You aren't wrong about the "sick joke", it's a bit like God taping us on the shoulder to say "just kidding", I went through that experience too, and then I came to recognise and realise that I was the creator of it and that I was responsible, yes the system let’s us all down with it’s unconscious programming, but we chose to participate In that experience, without it I wouldn’t have learnt the human mind/systems and their structural & education systems inside out to then be able to transform them as I will be doing in years to come. We all have a response-ability to transform and create this world to be a better place, and my own path is to help change those old unconscious brainwashing systems by providing more awareness and greater understanding.
The only difference between a crap reality and a wonderful one is either creating unconsciously = crap reality, or creating consciously = infinite wonderful reality of preference.
Self Inquiry meditation and correct yoga (see isha yoga) are both ways to make that unconscious reality into a conscious one.
Well I hope that is sufficient.
Any questions I'm happy to answer
Bless you, oh... wait... God doesn't need to bless itself (deeper hint, I won't go into that now)
Bless you anyway;
AUM Namah Shivaya,
May peace and joy shower down upon you cleansing your heart, mind, body and spirit to be liberated from all suffering.
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