Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Nay

Thanks for your reply. I didn't think I was coping at all this week : wrote I'm having break from Sane Forums and ..... Then you and @Appleblossom write and I am happy.

I think that there's a theme there about intelligence and times of suffering mental ill health. Can I speak personally here ?
Though the question is not about me I would like to respond about me .....
Both my parents were / are considered highly intelligent in their field. My Mother has even worked for president of America. From a child though , as the only girl, my parents would consistently bag me about my school / to even today. They also did this to my youngest brother. They both bagged me and my brother so much is that my favoured brother has damaged himself by being passive and agreeing with both of them.

What I'm learning is about values in a family.
And as we all know, any sibling fighting is all about ....... Who does mum love the most ?
Who loved Princess Diana the most ? Was it her mother ? It certainly wasn't the royal family, her so called self declaring ' I'm as thick as two bricks, ' she swept her royal family upbringing aside to love her children properly but no family member approved of her.
I swept my family values aside of money and fame to bring my children up and focus on someone to truly love me.

Is this intelligence ? I don't know but when a child's belief in themselves is not truly supported and the child can obviously notice another sibling or parent being appreciated more I believe brings the high anxiety and depression. In your daughter : it feels like it's more of a hormonal change ...... And intellect though.

[PeppiPatty]

Have I made sense ? Lol please read it slow. In a few days I can rewrite x

[Nay]

This sure does make sense @PeppiPatty. The times when she needed me, i wasnt there for her. I was stuck in a depression pit and my husband had to take over in all areas. He did everything for my kids during this time. 

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Nay
Amazing re compassion on your friend. My son was ill like this for a long time too. Are you able to make her a meal with your daughter helping ? It might help your daughter in thinking focus if off her.
Jeepers @Ruth1
What a good practical response....
How are you ?
I put my oldest son in therapy at age of about 8 and now, though he has a diagnosis ..... He's 24years old.....
He listens to me.
He manages his own life.
He is going through ..... 'I don't want to talk to Mum.' but went to visit my oldest brother the other day
Everything he and I discussed a year ago he is doing. He is managing his life by replacing times of lying in bed and chain smoking with working full time. He's having a break from Universtiy and getting through.
I like reading Peter Billimore and have taken his suggestions and brought his ideas to my son last year.
I hope he is well but hear from my oldest brother that he is doing well.
What does your son like doing ?

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Nay

It's okay I wasn't there for my sons for a few years when they were teenagers. Something very very bad happened to my oldest son when I lost myself too.
I always think your a better parent if you agree with your kids, " yeah Josaphine, when you were 13 to 16 years old, I was ill and I am sorry. But I'm here now. We can talk about that time whenever you want. Anything you say is safe with me. I am so sorry
And be upfront.
My sons got thAt. 4 years of yelling , discussing it with me. After 4 years I got annoyed and I said okay I was a bad mum for a time but that's it I'm not mad anymore..... Get over it ! So they've started being nice to me but still being it up all the time
Lol

Be prepared @ Nay I love how you parent though !

[Nay]

My daughter has brought up many of time that I said that " she was usless and that she cant do anything right". I cant remeber this time but it was when I was at my lowest point.

I makes me cry every time and it mhard to move on from it.

[PeppiPatty]

It's okay @Nay
Your okay. Your a toughie now. Your daughter will not survive unless you can let her own her experience and change it around herself.

Remember I wrote something very very bad happened to my son when I fell into myself. She can turn this around but age can only do it if you can let her change her own experience

[PeppiPatty]

@Nay
PleAse only see positives.
There is a wonderful man in sane called @Troubled_One who is changing his experience.
His journey is hard but is sticking to it.
Look what you have achieved @Nay
Change can only happen through being positive. jeepers..... We are able to give our children this.
So do you think that you are able to do something like ask her for help at making a meal for your friend ? Your friend is so lucky to get texts from you and your daughter might feel the heat is off her ?
This would have been something something to focus on.

You are a good parent. We all have the power on deciding when to start. My whole childhood was reading the Selfish Giant by Oscar Wilde and the Narnia series to feel I was getting compassion.

[Nay]

Thank you @PeppiPatty. You open my eyes and broaden my thinking. Your compassionate and caring. Thank you for helping me through this journey.

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Nay

It's fine. You are helping me too -
It's okay if you become your own person and have this ........ Extraordinary relationship with your daughter and son -
You can do it.
I miss me sons : but they really love me and though I don't hear from them ...... When I heard from my brother yesterday . I cried and cried all night out of happiness
Triggers and stuff like that will knock you back.
Affirmations and positiveity is something that's a choice
:0)