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โ23-03-2017 06:58 PM
โ23-03-2017 06:58 PM
I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.
Hi all,
I am an informal carer for 3 people. My mother (Depression, Anxiety), my Brother (Chronic Depression, OCD and Anxiety - Some Borderline Personality Traits) and my other brother (Panic Disorder, Anxiety, Depression and Bipolar Disorder).
I am drowning in the stress following my brothers acute episode where he was hospitalised, it was then felt throughout all the family members and we are all currently still striggling with my brothers inability to make financial descisions and his inability to look after his financial situation and then demanding money from family members. He has been homeless and then living on my other brothers floor and they have been fighting like crazy.
If we don't give it to him, he blames us for him starving. I realised that this is a totally unhealthy way and probably makes the situation worse by always bailing him out. He has to be the most complicated person I have ever known and abuses all members of the family if we try and talk to him about his situation.
It has made talking with him impossible and he continues to make unreasonable demands for money on an ongoing basis. If we say no, he says that he will starve or his has no money to live. We try and link him in with services but he won't have a bar of it.
Any thoughts?
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โ24-03-2017 05:53 PM
โ24-03-2017 05:53 PM
Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.
Hi @HayleyWilliams1,
Oh my, the situation with your brother sounds stressful.
What does your brother wants the money for? Is it possible to buy these items (e.g., food) directly for him?
As you mentioned giving into his demands for money can reward and reinforce his behaviour. So it might be possible to try and meet him in the middle. It might also be worth giving him money on conditions. Such as, on the basis, that he will get support from services.
Does your brother have a diagnosis? It might help in understanding his behaviour a bit more.
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โ24-03-2017 10:11 PM
โ24-03-2017 10:11 PM
Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.
First of all, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have an enormous load at the moment and this forum will hopefully provide a place of solace and some time out just for you.
With regards to the situation with your brother, wow, that sounds awfully difficult. Most mental health agencies will be able to either provide or refer you to a place where you can get family counselling or carer support.
I wish you all the best.
Shel49
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โ26-03-2017 09:05 PM
โ26-03-2017 09:05 PM
Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.
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โ28-03-2017 06:15 PM
โ28-03-2017 06:15 PM
Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.
Their need is so great it can suck you under so do create some space. Talk to professionals in the area who can help. I have to hope there s a chance they will change or be healed or go onto a remission, but we can't make them. Look after you or you'll have nothing yo give xox
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โ29-03-2017 05:16 PM
โ29-03-2017 05:16 PM
Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.
A warm welcome to you also, nice to have you here with us.
I see you've had a few respnses which is great and some good points being highlighted along the way. Thats the beauty of these forums.
One other aspect which I consider very important in life but especailaly whithin the topic of MI is boundary setting. I've highlighted a Sane blog which may be of interest, Boundary Setting and Mental Illness.
Here are a few other carer blogs in case you'd like some further reading.
CBT and Mindfulness for carers
What I wish I knew when I became a carer
Take Care,
Pebbles
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โ29-03-2017 05:55 PM
โ29-03-2017 05:55 PM
Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.
Hi @KyleUli,
May I ask if your significant other has a diagnosis? The reason I ask is because we had a discussion on bipolar last night, and impuslivity and increased libido can happen in mania, which is a symptom of bipolar. There were some great tips offered in this discussion.
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โ31-03-2017 07:04 PM
โ31-03-2017 07:04 PM
Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.
yes shes been diagnosed and goes to therapy. She keeps stopping her medication on and off.