Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Nhoj]

I have been with my partner for 18months and she has been suffering from some form of mental illness for over 2 years. She shared this with me after seeing each other for a couple of months. Across our time together we have tried various modes of support, she has seen several psychologists but none of which have been able to make a difference. I attended one of her sessions with a psychologist and it became quite apparent to me that the psychologist wasn't taking the scale of my partners depression/anxiety seriously, she virtually told her that she was doing fine and offered no thoughts on the matter. I am not sure exactly what she is suffering from but at times she does appear quite fine, she is very high functioning but she is easily triggered into an incredibly dark state, much more than appropriate. She seems to rapidly lose a sense of rationality and becomes extremely distressed. This has continued across our time together and does not appear to be getting any better but there is an increased strain on our relationship. She does not have any other avenues of support, she comes from a broken family who have treated her terribly and have been emotionally abusive and negligent. She struggles to trust anyone, including myself, despite my continued support. I'm am starting to come to a loss though, as she is becoming more regularly distressed and quite often directs this at me. I feel as if we go to sleep on one path and wake up on another. She does need help but is feeling increasingly hopeless. She is a lovely person but feels that noone else values her and is easily let down by others. She doesnt think she can rely on anyone and doesn't have any close friends. I have tried to encourage her into different social networks but she always seems to be let down and becomes increasingly depressed. She often complains about not feeling like her old self and can often shift this blame on to me. I sometimes worry that by caring for her I have had a negative impact but she has noone else and I am also fearful of her feeling abondoned if I stopped supporting her. I feel like I am often put in unwinable situations. I feel like I really need her to show me support as I feel I have just given for the entirety of our relationship. Im not sure where to turn to next but without some help I dont feel like I can provide any answers when she has her next struggling moment. It's a really hard situation as she is not always completley negative and I think this makes her scenario appear like an illusion to those who aren't with her when she is struggling. When she is distressed it is very concerning.

[Baboo]

Hello Nhoj,

Welcome to the forum.

What a wonderful difficult job you are doing for your partner right now. Supporting a loved one through hard times of any kind can be rough.

If i may suggest- Perhaps if your partner has a local GP they could inquire into getting a mental health assessment completed to assist? Finding a dotcor or psycoligist whom your confortable with may take time.

Have you your self got support as the career? Its just as important to have networks your self aswell as your partner 🙂

Some sights that will have some good information are;

www.beyondblue.org.au

www.au.reachout.com

‎i hope this offers a little help,

 has any other forum members had any simular experiences? 

[NikNik]

Hey @Nhoj 

Welcome to the forums.

As Baboo mentioned, as a carer, there are support services you can also access which might help you come up with some ideas. They will also provide you with the support you need. It's important to look after yourself so you're in a good place to support your partner.

Additional to Baboo's recommendations, Mind Australia provides carer specific services. You can read more about it here

I'm sure there's some members who also have great practical advice for you -  @BatGuano@Brodie @Adlin 

[Nhoj]

Thank you, just hearing you say im doing a wonderful job fills me with hope, strength and warmth. We tried to book her into see her GP again today but they were unavailable, will try again tomorrow.

I tried to look into support for myself today, I do feel like I need some. There was plenty of information about however it was hard to discern what was tangible to some degree. 

Thank you for your words of support.

[Nhoj]

Thank you, I will look into Mind Australia. 

[Hobbit]

Hi Nhoj,

I read your post, and i really feel for you. I think you show some great courage your ongoing desire to help your partner, and you show some real strength in coming to forums like these for assistance. You are bviously a very loving and caring person.

Could you tell us what state you live in? There are many carer support organisations that you can connect with for help and support, and if we know where you are we may be able to point you in the right direction.

Hobbit.

[Nhoj]

I live in Victoria

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Nhij, depending on where you live in Victoria there areca few carer support group services running. MIF offer well ways I think, Grow offers Grow Better Together which meets fortnightly across metro Melbourne, Carers Vic run groups or can suggest some I am sure. There is also Arafmi, AdaVic, as well as the peak carer organisation, Tandem..

www.tandem carers.org.au

Depending on your partner, she may like to try peer support groups that are based in community such as groups by Adavic, Grow, and others..many groups welcome carers to attend first few meetings to help person and carer feel comfortable..
There are also voices groups..
Perhaps your partner might like to read some of the oisrs on the Lived Experience Forum..

Be kind to yourself and don't hesitate to ask for help..sometimes I think the difficulty lies in working blindly..if the person we care for is unable or not able to access services it us a real hard road to tread..
But a road worth treading if you can..

[zipper]

Hi

Ive been thinking about you and your partners situation and firstly let me tell you are not alone.

I am very forthright in my opinions and I wish someone had told me in the early stages of my husbands illness what to do, I would have been thankful, so please take my thoughts with only the best of intentions.

1. Go to the GP.  Get referred to a psychiatrist.  In the meantime, ask for the mildest anti-depressants.  This will be until you see the psychiatrist.  
2. In my view, for both me and my husband, psychologists were a waste of time.  All I ever got was 'go to your happy place' - rubbish
3. Upgrade your health fund to ensure that UNLIMITED private psych hospital is included. There is a 2 month waiting period, so it is best to be done asap.  It must be unlimited. We were caught out and had a mad panic mid hospital stay.  I know Medibank do this.
4. A short hospital stay to get medications right might be the best for both of you. It will be time for you to regroup knowing that she is well looked after.
5. Medications are not forever.  Sometimes they are the tool that is needed to begin the recovery process. 

take care

ZZ

[Nhoj]

Thank you. I think she would be interested in a support group, whilst she finds reaching out challenging she is open and willing to get support. I think ultimately she would like the idea of feeling supported by a group as she doesn't have a family for that role.