Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Katz13]

Hi All

This is the first time on here for me and I feel I need to express my concerns and I need help with just coping day by day. My daughter now 25 has had a mental illness for about 3 and half years now. She was a heavy drug user and was in a very abusive relationship which lead her to be a ice user for more than a year. Diagonosed with drug indused psychosis it was very hard to watch her go through what was a very horrible, frightening experience for all. She has been in and out of rehab for the last 3 years. I simetimes dont even know how to talk to her because she gets very angry. She has anxiety, depression and eating disorder. She doesnt want to clean her room, bathroom or even her plates. I'm trying so hard to try help her in every way possible but I feel like I keep failing and its killing me soflty. I love my daughter so much and will never give up on her even though at times i feel like I'm her boxing bag. She loses her shit over anything. i have to drop everything for her and do as she tells me there and then even thought Im mentally exhausted. She has come along way and now seems to be more open for help to try and move forward in her life and to learn how to cope with her mental illness. Its been a roller coaster ride for 4 years, it never runs smooth for long, its like the calm before the storm. I keep alot of things inside me, things like how i feel, am i doing the right thing? have i failed her? where do i go from here? I find it difficult to express myself and feel quite lost myself. I have no time for anything my life revolves around my daughter and I feel that if I take some time out I feel guilty that Ive left her behind. Its really hard for me in general as Im a single mum and have grown my kids up for the last 15 years on my own, their father pretty much abandoned them. She feels im to protective of there and Im forever on her back, this causes her stress and anxiety but I only try to help her with trying to have some type of routine, responsibilty, respecting others feelings, AM I ASKING TO MUCH?? Should I back off alittle? Should I stop trying to tell her whats right and whats wrong? I dont know how to go on day by day without me always stressing and trying to make her life less stressful and making her more happy. I know my daughter loves me she tells me daily and I love her more than words can say but I dont want to become ill or depressed because then there will be no-one there to do what I do for her.

Please help!!!!

[Grasshopper3]

Hi @Katz13,
I just read your story and I'm glad you're writing about your frustrations with you beloved daughter. I have started to write on here too. it helps to write your thoughts down and read it back. It bring the whole situation in perspective and other members can give you some advice. I thought I drop you a line.
It sounds like your daughter needs some professional treatment, which is what my son ended up doing and life is bliss now he is medicated.
You will get a lot of advice saying you need to look after yourself too. Easier said than done though. I think we all will get through this time and there will be better times for you soon we live in hope
Take care 🌷

[Katz13]

@Grasshopper3 Thank you so much for replying and yes you are right there has to be a light at the end of this tunnel. We have just started seeking professional help eg mind australia and drug and alcohol program, its a big step for my daughter and we can only wish her all the best and hopefully she stays strong enough to accept the help that is out there - so far so good. I just need to believe that god is there watching over not just my daughter but all those that are suffering one way or another and when times are tough and we feel theres no hope left well thats when i hope god gives us the strength to keep fighting. Thank you once again x 

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Katz13

Welcome to the forums!

Thank you for sharing, it is really great to hear that you have now been able to access some support services for your daughter (and she is in agreement) but what about you? as Matosh mentioned we often ask about parents/carers/loved ones because you often forget yourselves and get rundown as a result of giving eveything, so it is important at the very least to enable you to continue what you do without becoming ill or depressed as you mentioned

I wonder if mind have any family support groups you could access? there is also carers aust  and mental health carers aust  and i am not sure if you have seen @Grasshopper3 and @patientpatient 's posts here where they share some of their stories and difficulties?