Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[JB70]

Glad you are here too @Shaz51  🙂 

Do you sometimes find it hard to describe what happens in our crazy life and how it feels? I get the feeling here that we don't really have to. So different from the feeling you get when you go to mental health professionals, or even friends and family, and try to get them to understand what we go through day to day, and they often just don't get it. 

Looking forward to getting to know you all @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @LizzieLou and everyone else 

[JB70]

@Faith-and-Hope  thanks for your kind words. I am so sorry you have been through such a terrible time. I really hope things get better for you now. 

[JB70]

@Former-Member  Thanks Darcy. We really only have one boundary in our marriage. We have always tried to focus on forgiveness and strategies to minimise the damage when he is unwell. But I am definitely open to helpful suggestions. I am a realist though. I know that life won't always be rosy. It is so sad to see such a beautiful man be tormented by such anger and pain and debilitating lows. I always try to focus on his good qualities and his amazing talents. And when he comes out of these unreasonable, irrational episodes and returns to sound mind, he just loves me to bits (although feels so unworthy and disgusted with what he has said and done). When things settle, we talk a lot. Due to his illness, we never had children, life was too unstable. But in some ways it has helped us deal with issues in a way we never could have done with the distraction of little ones. While I know I have been affected by the trauma of his conditions, I do feel happy and blessed and sort of peaceful at present. Maybe I'm just numb (lol)

Hope you have had a good day 🙂

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you @JB70.  It will take a while cos we're still going through a messy aftermath, but yeah ..... I am hoping life can get easier than it's been, that's for sure.

[Shaz51]

Good morning @JB70 , @Former-Member , @Faith-and-Hope , @LizzieLou 

@JB70   you asked :

Do you sometimes find it hard to describe what happens in our crazy life and how it feels?

yes I do find it very hard at times

many of the mental health professionals that we have been too have put the blame on me

( that is why my husband will not get any more help )

my Inlaws have said " ohh now I can fix their son " or " i will be soo good for him "

my family just don't get it.

I have lost friends 

do you have hobbies ? or your husband have hobbies?

[Shaz51]

@JB70, I find the following threads are helpful too 

just click on the link and it will take you there 

Carers Hints and tips to Success 

8 dimensions of wellness 

@Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope , @LizzieLou 

[JB70]

@Shaz51 yes hubby has very loud hobbies. Lol maybe it calms the internal dialogue for him. He plays guitars and drums. Music in our lives at every opportunity. If he is not playing himself, Spotify is on. I prefer to chill quietly. He bought an 8 track recorder and recorded his first therapy piece about dealing with the death of his mum. Hoping he will continue to deal with things this way. Motivation can be a problem though. Mind you I have a piano that I don't play as much as I would like to, so I can't talk. Lol

[Shaz51]

hello @JB70 

my mr shaz has music therapy

when things seem bad for him , he will play the music on the computer very loud 

I can sense when these times are now so I take a cuppa outside or on the front steps with a magazine 

Motivation can be a problem though., yes same here , but i am finding if i throw a suggestion here and there , he does think about it and does it sometimes ( with lots of suggestions )

[JB70]

@Shaz51 ha ha. Perhaps they are twins separated at birth. Lol

yes. We have had issues with family and friends too at times. But have mostly been fairly lucky. My friends are always telling me off for not telling them earlier or singing out for help. But they seem to keep their finger on the pulse more after the last few years. It's really hard to find good lifetime friends. Many come and go on the journey...

[JB70]

@Shaz51 @Former-Member  Yes I had a little peruse through the 8 dimensions of wellness today after going for a hydrotherapy session (just working on physical wellness and social wellness because I had a friend) Lots to work on there. Probably the most tricky ones for me are emotional and financial wellness due to the unpredictable nature of MI. Sometimes I feel that we are very limited in our capacity to make things better. Just enjoy the good days and ride out the tough ones. I suppose sometimes it's just making the best of a bad situation we have very little control over. And finding the things in life that make us happy despite it all 😊 

Thanks for the suggestion and the info 💕