Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Carebear5]

I love my husband very much but things have been pretty rough and getting worse for about 3 years. I finally asked him to leave as I'm now working full time to help pay our bills, raising 3 children, running our house and feel like I'm expected to do everything. I am emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted.
This week he finally told me he has been diagnosed with bipolar. He has know. For about 5 weeks but didn't want to accept it so he didn't tell me. Everything now makes sense... All the rejection and actions that led me to believe he just didn't care, what I thought was laziness and a huge lack of effort, so many things. I feel relieved and positive that we can work through this yet I'm scared at the same time.
I want to help and support him but I don't know where to start. I am going to go and see his psychologist with him. We are in NSW so if anyone can steer me in the right direction I'd appreciate it.

[Zahlia]

Hi @Carebear5 !

Firstly, welcome to the SANe forums! I'm glad you have found us, and I hope you find some comfort connecting with our members. 

It sounds like you have had a tough few years dealing with your husband and also looking after all of the responsibilities. You must so drained. But that is such good news that you now know there was a reason for all of the things happening with hubby. It can be such a frightening thing first learning about a loved ones mental health diagnosis, but it will get easier over time. You will learn what works best for both of you. 

Seeing his psychologist is a great start. He may feel safe enough to open up more to you and tell you how he has been feeling. Do you have any ther supportive people you can lean on during this time? Its important to also take care of you, after so many years of exhaustion, you also need to work on yourself. What do you like to do to self-care? 

I'm not sure how much you have looked around on the SANE forums, but I thought you might find some of these threads interesting reads... this thread talks about different ways people manage their home life with a spouse who has bipolar, this thread is also about living with a bipolar spouse, and this thread. 

Looking forward to hearing more 🙂

Zahlia

[NikNik]

Hi @Carebear5

I hope you don't mind, but I have moved your post here because it was a bit hidden in the other discussion topic 🙂 
I think your post will get more noticed and more responses here.

All the best.

[Carebear5]

Thankyou
I have been a bit lost in life lately to be honest and haven't been on the forum but some support right now would be awesome. Hubby is starting what we hope is the right meds today. It's been a long hard road the last few months and the wrong meds have seen higher highs and lower lows than ever before!
Honestly just keeping my head above water right now with everything.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Carebear5

I am glad that your partner is taking his health seriously, getting help and following through.I hope the meds help him settle. The issue of lack of motivation ... when the jobs are just there to be done .. is always a delicate one .. kids might be able to take up some slack .. but also have expectations.

Managing 3 childen and work and spouse with mental health issues is a huge ask.  Take care of yourself too.

There are others on the forum who might relate @Faith-and-Hope and @PeppiPatty support their husbands.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Carebear5 🌷💜

Just dropping in a quick hello here .... it's late and I'm headin' to bed ....

We're operating without a diagnosis over my hubby as yet, but things have been really difficult for some years now with an eating disorder happening ....

He's still very much in denial and trying to excuse or cover it up, but from talking to e.d. support services it seems that ain't all .... eating disorders often mask other issues ... and there's obviously something going on within him that he is trying desperately to control using diet, exercise, food disordered behaviours, environmental and passive-aggressive controlling behaviours .... punctuated by mood swings ....

Not fun ... but we're managing .... mostly by ignoring the "elephant in the room" for now ....

So glad you've got a diagnosis, as intimidating as that is ...

Stay in touch .... keep swimming .... 🐠🐠🐠

[Agnes1]

Seeing his psychologist with him is a great move. Grab any help and support you can. Best of luck.

[Agnes1]

Seeing his psychologist with him is a great move. Grab any help and support you can. Best of luck. @Carebear5, I like your saying 'keep swimming' it's a good way to describe it 😊

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Carebear5

Im one of the people who suports husband with children. My sons are 22 and 26years old. My 22 year old son is having a difficult time.

@Appleblossom is very understand of this as well. 

I just wanted to give you a very wrm hello before I go and see my youngest son today. 

Ille catch up tonight with you but I hope that

You have a lovely day, Here is a photo of my gorgeous dog Arlo.

He loves me more and more every day.....

PP

[Maple]

I know exactly how you feel @Carebear5

I am living with my husband who has only just become aware that he probably has Bipolar and I also feel a little relief that there IS a reason after all...that it is not my fault....that it does all make sense now, why he couldnt get out of bed for several days, why he has behaved and struggled the way he has, why I have found it so difficult to communicate with him. But it is also scarey....

Seeing the psychologist with him would be fantastic, a professional can help with the tools you will both need to navigate this. My husband and I are in dire straights financially and I am having to pick it all up, working, budgeting, caring for our 2 kids and our relationship too. It really is like having another child at times. But when my husband is improving at times I feel there is hope.

I am in Victoria so not much help with direction. I have found though seeing a therapist on my own to help deal with the pressures we are faced with as carers really helped me. How you care for yourself is just as important to his recovery. I know my husband is filled with guilt at the pressure his illness has put on our family. When I am not able to cope, he is in a worse state. Not that we are the cause...but that any anxiety can make it more difficult for someone with mental illness. You have so much to consider with work, and kids and also your husband too.

I always remember the instructions when going on an airplane....'In an emergency, you take the oxygen mask for yourself first, then assist those around you, because if you loose consciousness, you cant help anyone'.

Hope you can find some relief.