Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Ramman]

How do others support teens who suffer from Depression?   

Intensive support for my teen has finished; I can seek more but I am told that its best if she has break from therapy after 24months.

This depression isn't constant,  its intermittent where she  can function well on day day; but struggling the next. 

It's so hard to know what to do, when to trust them alone and not too. 

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Ramman 

I know supporting a teen with depression can be really hard. Just being there for her, listening, and creating a safe space at home can mean so much. It’s tough to balance giving her space and knowing when she needs extra support, but trust your instincts. Staying connected with her mental health team can help too. Your love and patience are really powerful during this time. You're doing a great job, even when it feels challenging. 🙂

[defaultusername]

Hi @Ramman,

I can sense how concerned you are and can only imagine the worry you are experiencing.

I am not a parent, but I do remember how I was as a teenager with my own depression and anxiety, and I can 100% relate to your daughter's situation. At the time, just my parent simply being there for me meant more than anything else.

As @lavenderhaze mentioned, it is difficult trying to find that balance, but you will know what feels right. The fact that you have reached out on here shows how much you care for your daughter, she's lucky to have you in her corner.

I'm not sure how old she is, but does she know about Kids Helpline and headspace? They're wonderful support services for children and young people. And they also have some good supports and resources for concerned parents.

I hope that you find the support you need and that things improve for the both of you.

Remember to be kind to yourself.

[Ramman]

• Thanks for your comments @defaultusername  @lavenderhaze  I know that being there is important and one simple thing I can do.  The issue is the conflict between going to work and working from home.    My boss is very understanding and I have an an expiring agreement to work from home 4 days per week but  I tried to do 2 days in office this week and she threatened self harm with specific methods- I should not ignore that; I can't ignore that. But the conflict of my consciousness to do work and be there is too much to bear.

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Ramman 

I can to hear how much stress you're dealing with, and that your daughter is struggling, too. 

Have some extra supports have been put in place for her now? 

Are you doing ok? Do you have anyone to talk to more than once a month (I read some of your earlier posts) that can help you navigate the changing boundaries with your daughters? Are you aware of our support line? 

1800 187 263 (10AM - 8PM)

Just a tip, if you want someone to know that you've responded to the threads, click the @ symbol and select the forum member's name from the drop down box, ie @Ramman 🙂👍

[Ramman]

@8ppleTree  Not really.  Not on a personal level. 

Most of this is about us 3 (me and the two girls) learning to move on.  The divorce, parenting, looking after each other and helping each other but not letting others mental health trigger you.  

The journey fot each of us complex and tangled; different for each.  

As they tell me "I can only help 1 kid in crisis at a time"  it is true; no different than ED - treat the sickest most urgent first. 

Every day for every activity I have to saftey plan, have back up plans, check that both happy.  This week two incidents that have stretched me.   

It's so hard; so challenging. 

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Ramman 

I'm hearing how much there is going on for all of you, and how well you are navigating it all, despite the complexity. It's ok to feel overwhelmed, and not have all the answers, all of the time. You are human, you love them. You're doing the best you can each day. That's all anyone can do. I hope the forums are bringing you some peace, or at least some solidarity. 

Take care 🩵

[Ramman]

Thanks @8ppleTree;

I would like to think I am doing a good job.  However (and its a big however): Over the last 18 months I have had to find more and more inside of me to cope with the layers and depths of parenting and caring for them (and a divorce).  I have never stepped down; stepped aside; never said no.  I am proud of how I have done.  Yet in this last week I been stretched more than ever.  I think its because the behaviour I am witnessing for the first time -- its not rationalised or explained to me; there are no answers (at this stage).  So I feel I am reacting to something that I cant predict or know how to cope (other than stop bad stuff happening).  As I told her therapist today I am at my limit.

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Ramman 

I'm so glad to hear how positive you are about your own supportive style and that you're aware of your limits. Being a carer is only possible when we know our boundaries, when we're approaching burnout and can sit with ourselves and give back to ourselves as needed. You also mention that there may be an explanation that you understand yet to come. I know this probably doesn't make sitting with the feelings easier, but for now you are sitting in your strength and your feelings and holding both. It's a big thing. All that you mention is a lot to go through. Can you see your strength in both? The coping/not coping and the feelings? Both mean you're human. This understanding is what you no doubt offer your daughters in your support. I hope you can offer it to yourself, too? 

[Ramman]

@8ppleTree 

I have no idea about explanation.

I am a highly logical, analytical, solution oriented person.  In my world someone doesn't just perform a random act of getting lost ignoring the consequences  with out reason.   I want a deep understanding of what triggered it, what she wanted achieve, why she did it,  did she not care about the impacts on me and family; If so why?  

I never have seen caring burnout out as time limited thing.   You care, you do what you can and that keeps on keeping until something changes- hopefully better but can be worse.   

I suppose I would call it emotional exhaustion - when my ability to give care has reached a limit.  (Reflecting) I feel that the limit may be artificial in that I am not understanding 'what is going on in her head' a.k.a it not logical hence I am unable to predict incidents to minimise impacts.  Just keeping her safe while waiting for change is not viable; it's too much.

Thanks for listening.