I've been asked that question, Karma. Does it give me cl...

[Snoo]

I've been asked that question, Karma. 

Does it give me clarity? Sometimes! Just sometimes for now...

I stay because I see their behaviours are related to MI, and they are not their MI. But at the same, I also question how much responsibility should my partner take, and even more importantly, how much responsibility I should take on. So I guess asking that questions raises some other big questions... good questions though. I'm sure I'll get there and find a balance...

[Eagle]

Thanks JT - doesn't always work... but it's good from a communication point of view.

Well all, I have to get some dinner - very interesting chat. Wish I could stick around but I'm looking forward to reading back over the chat later on.

You're all awesome - thanks for sharing 🙂

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Eagle, I so get you around is love unconditional because I don't think it is. I think love is a mutuality, a reciprocation of unconditional positive regard, but with reasonableness as well. That is, I have no right to treat the person I love in a shitty way, but it does happen, many a word can be spoken in frustration, which would have been better left unsaid.
So I have to work a lot on being reasonable, and thinking about if I am being reasonable.

And the understanding of power dynamics too, love is a very healing power but it takes a lot of understanding of our self before we can assess whether we are perhaps being unfair or overly controlling because We Know What's Best For You...

Which naturally can cause resentment in the person we are caring for! And likewise, we do not want the person we care for to be unreasonable with us either..

[Alessandra1992]

WTF days.. That' s where we are building our resilience I think...and JT, I talk about having a maladjusted day, but I might just nick your catchphrase on "excuse me I am having a wtf moment"😃😃

[JT]

You are welcome to use it, and it covers so many situations 

[CherryBomb]

So far there's been some great points about setting about boundaries while also sticking by your loved one's side. I love your point @Alessandra1992  about having an unconditional positive regard for one another. 

It make me wonder about things that you need in a relationship? What are something that you can't do without in a relationship?

For me it's:

- Reflection - having time and space to understand oneself. This helps me understand what I bring to the relationship, how it affects my partner, and it allows me to understand him, and vice versa. 

- Humour - I love laughing off the little things. It also helps to let go of grudges and look at things in more upbeat way.

- Communication - don't bottle things up, they just build up.

[Alessandra1992]

Why stay? Maybe the question should be why would I leave?

Some days I have dreamed of being marianne faithful and wishing I was the age of 37 and head off to Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in my hair..😀😀😀

Having those flights of fancy in song is exceedingly handy in those wtf days or moments but I stay coz actually how could I not? I love him, I felt my heart open up in ways I have never experienced before. He is growing into a fine young man, and whilst we can easily drive each other to distraction, well he is his own person..funny, smart, brave and dare I say it? Wise!

[Alessandra1992]

http://www.vmusic.com.au/lyrics/marianne-faithfull/the-ballad-of-lucy-jordan-lyrics-5551783.aspx

Here is a link to the video of the Ballad of. Lucy Jordan..in those wtf days I want to be in Paris!

[JT]

Humour - I believe that a good laugh can often wash away the biggest trouble

Respect - for each others' right to be an individual within the relationship

Communication - the ability to communicate in some form

Understanding - of boundaries, limits....and wtf days 

I didn't get any of the above hence my lack of a partner now lol but I truly hope that my children share some of those values in our relationships and that they carry them on into theirs in the future.

[CherryBomb]

Great list JT! I reckon, understanding and acceptance of boundaries, limits and wtf days is great one.

It's great to hear that you have stuck to these too and have stood firm in what you are not willing to go without it. 

We got another 15 minutes before we finish up. So please start finishing up your comments.