My one son who I thought was okay told me today that he has been feeling suicidal for years on and off and has depression. I am devestated. He was my golden haired child who was doing so well for himself (so I thought). The one who I thought I wouldn't have to worry about.. A nice girl friend, job, living overseas. Outwardly happy but inside tormented by what appears to be in the family as I have a daughter with chronic depression, and son2 with autism, epilepsy, psychosis ... 

I cannot even be there to hold his hand and tell him it will be okay that he will get through this and blah blah blah .... what we tell people when they are going through this kind of pain. I feel empty and helpless and want my son back but he will have to fight this battle by himself and the cards will fall where they may.