@Dimity having some music reading skills opens options. Your op wasn't that long ago so listen to your body and its needs. Music can help though, when the time is ready.

@Till23 

I love hearing about your close to the earth life style. The look and sound of fires are beautiful. The last times I looked at one was with indigenous friends. One was a well known artist.

I started drumming 20 years ago when I took my son to a folk music camp. The thrumming beat is very primal.It can be great and is popular but I don't do it much at the moment. What we had this afternoon was subtle. 

Maybe I need to let go of all my family pain and try not to be negatively triggered when others mention an aspect of their family. I cannot change the reality of the pain and loss in my family but I know people are just being themselves when they talk about their families. Just let the hard stuff go, Apple, and keep flowing with the good stuff. 

We all weave our lives differently.