Hello @Healandlove I hear you... I struggle with wanting to help my sister (who is also ambivalent) and wanting to connect myself, but maybe we're too quick to judge ourselves harshly. I've found EMDR can emphasise and multiply bad old feelings of abandonment and worthlessness while we process them and learn to deal with them. Are you able to talk to your therapist about it? They may be able to help you through it with other strategies and ways of processing... mine did, we also talked about where in the body I was holding tension and how to relieve it.

Faith and trust and good intentions count for a lot, but unwarranted shame and guilt can fuel self-doubt. Please know that you're not alone in this journey, and there's a way through to happier times.