Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

Hello @Tornato5 😀👋

[Jess1111]

Hi All

I am new. I have a adult Drug addicted son, who also has mental health issues.

To make it even more difficult he lives in another state.

I have been more than supportive for nearly 10 years.

The abuse and uncertainty is taking a toll on my health.

I have lost friends and family who just do not understand.

I feel so exhausted and am losing hope!

Any advice would be welcome.

@ links to members, content

[Former-Member]

Hi @Jess1111 

Caring for and supporting someone is a very unique role between the carer and the cared for and is little understood by outsiders. Furthermore, addictions and mental health issues are not well understood by so many. Understanding that not every action or reaction is a choice for those with addiction and mental health issues can be difficult for others to accept. Given your long-standing support, I am sure you understand your son very well. These kinds of situations can shake up and strain some relationships. Always choose what is right for you ❤️

I would suggest some boundaries around the abuse, because you need to look after yourself as well. Assuming that most of your interactions are over the phone, given that you reside in different states, maybe create a boundary with him during a general and calm interaction. Maybe let him know that you don’t like it and you won’t be treated this way. You could then set a consequence, say, for example, if he starts to get abusive, you will end the call and call him back in an hour? This might give him time to calm down and also allow you to have a check in with him to see if he is okay, as the uncertainty is a troubling aspect for you. Which I totally understand! I am also a mum, and it is very frightening when we are worried about our children. A boundary like this might give you the space you need to help yourself in the moment and then support him. It can be very difficult being the anchor, you need to make sure that you come up to the surface for air sometimes.

Remember that you are also worthy of respect and support. So, my second suggestion would be to take on what you can manage and what is right for you.

[Jess1111]

@Former-Member  thank you so much for your words. I do find it difficult to put boundaries in place. I know I feel guilty if I do. I really appreciate what you said, it meant a lot to me I often feel very alone in this :0

[Former-Member]

Hey @Jess1111 

Boundaries are SOOOOO hard to put in place, especially for the people you love the most!! They get mixed up in your desire to care for, protect and love someone. Guilt can be debilitating. It’s so hard to not have certainty on their outcomes too. There is a lot of emotion involved in your situation so it’s not easy to navigate.

I look forward to hearing how you move forward and what comes of all this. I hope you can feel some support on here, whatever you decide to do or whatever happens. This can be your special place ❤️. 

BIG hugs xx

[TuxedoCat]

🐸 Welcome new members 🐸

Hello @Jedmak @LaLaBelle @Mel-bells @NaLeeBa @Neshe @Nicbella @Pleh @ScarednotStrong @Sister2 @Tracy11 @Tulipa 

Welcome to the forums! I’m TuxedoCat, I’m one of the peer workers here on the forums. There are a team of us who moderate these forums to ensure they’re warm and welcoming for everyone, ensure safety and to offer support. It's so nice to e-meet you! I hope you find our forums a really special place where you can 

• Seek support for yourself
• Offer your experiences and support to others 
• Get to know other folks who “Get it” 

Firstly, if you’re up to it, I know we’d all like to get to know you a little better. Wanna have a go at answering these questions? 

1. What is your favourite self-care activity? 

1. What are you looking forward do in the forums? 

I’ll go first: 

1. At the moment my self-care activity is mostly listening to music. I feel like it changes week to week though
2. I favourite thing about the forums is that I learn so much from the folks on here

I also wanted to give you some handy pointers for the forums 

• Make sure you check-out our guidelines and FAQ by clicking here. They are in place to create a really safe space online where we can share our experiences of mental health and recovery.  
• We also have some guides on how to use the forums and for creating safety online when discussing topics like suicide and self-harm. We know these are experiences many of us will have in our lifetime, but it’s important to discuss them safely and in a way that the community can support you! 
• If you press “@” and then type someone's username, they’ll get a notification that you’ve tagged them 
• You can always tag “@moderator” if you see something that is outside of our guidelines or makes you worry about someone 

Welcome ❤️ 

[Cloudyskies]

Thankyou for the welcome,My favourite thi g to do is go for a walk, usually around our home area ,sometimes to the park.
I hope to learn how to help my adult 49 year old son to be get help which will actually be a help. Not tell him he is fine, while his life is terrible for him and me.

[Mary20]

Thankyou for your welcome. My favourite self care activity is walking my dogs and I hope to hear others’ stories of perseverance and patience to find some relief from the desperation I feel as a parent. My daughter in her early twenties doesn’t seem to be improving after her first episode of psychosis. I miss her old self and I’m at a loss and almost in shock at how significant her reputation is at risk every day, how full on her mania is, how much her personality and behaviour have changed overnight without her having any insight at all. The helpless feeling is so overwhelming at times.

[Tuppence92]

Hi my 13 year old daughter has Bipolar 1. 

[A-Little-Lost]

Hi New to the site,

Have a 30 yr old daughter diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression.  She is struggling, I am struggling, just want to help her the best I can.