Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Charms1209]

This is my first time posting here. I am soo lost and confused at the moment. My daughter had struggled with her mental health for past 3 years. We have seen various psychiatrists and therapists but recently we have been told ( not formally diagnosed yet) that she may have BPD. She has attempted suicide on 3 occasions, self harms regularly, reckless behaviour, unable to keep friends, mood swings, difficulty at school, self image issues etc. 

Her father passed away in 2012 so she has some past trauma. 

i am the mother looking after her solely-  is not close to her step father or her biological sister. It has been very stressful for me dealing with this by myself. I don’t know how to talk to her, bec the moment I pull her up for something bad she’s done,  she tries to take her like. She’s been in a pvt clinic twice. She’s unable to complete her HSC this year as she may also have adhd. 

i am just soo frustrated as I don’t think we have found the right dr to formally diagnose her. I don’t know where to go next. She’s taking a whole lot of medications for her depression as the dr thinks she’s clinically depressed. He says he can’t diagnose her yet for BPD S she too young. She will be 18 in sept. 

any help would be highly appreciated. we are in Sydney. 

[tyme]

Hi @Charms1209 ,

I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling with your daughter. I that you are doing what you can to support her, yet at the same time it, is very difficult.

As someone who is speaking from the 'other' side, I showed symptoms of BPD when I was about 17years old. At that time, I was too young to be diagnosed because there are a lot of changes going on the in the teenage brain that can account for some of the 'reckless' behaviours. However, when I was about 25 and the symptoms did not go away, it was then that I was diagnosed - after a hospital admission.

It was a chaotic time, and it remained that way for over 10 years. As much as people around me wanted me to get help, inside, I really wasn't ready for it. I was young and reckless. I was an emotional wreck, but didn't know what to do about it.

I self-harmed regularly. I did reckless and impulsive things. I tried to end-my-life on many occasions. 

Yet looking back, I am glad that people around me set clear boundaries. To protect me, and themselves. 

My advice, look after yourself first. Set boundaries. Talk to your daughter when she is NOT triggered and let her know what you are doing. e.g. "If you physically hurt me, I will call the police/leave the house until you calm down/walk away". "If you self-harm and need medical attention, I will take you to hospital" etc. These are just examples. You may not have to go to these extremes.

Talking therapy (psychotherapy) is what works for BPD. For me, it took years of therapy to get to where I am now.

Please please please, above all things, look after yourself first.

You may be interested in visiting Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT 

I'd be interested to hear what you think @Charms1209 

[outlander]

hi @Charms1209

i am also on the other side. i have BPD myself however although i had symptoms when i was under 18 they become alot more prominent in the last couple of years. it has been a hell of a time.

has your daughter spent time with a psychologist? although you may be looking for a diagnosis, it might be worthwhile putting it on the backburner and focus on helping her to mange her emotions and self harm.
DBT may be of use to her if you can find a therapist who offers this type of therapy. but finding a psychologist or a psychotherapist ongoing may be the best option

@tyme has offerred some amazing advice here. Setting your own boundaries and looking after yourself is a really good point. please make sure you look after yourself in all of this.