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Tool17
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Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

My husband was diagnosed with Biploar 2 over 3 years ago but it has been a bit of an uphill battle for a long time prior to that.  In the past and when he is in a mood swing he goes into a self destruction mode.  Secret drinking, agitated, anger, arrogant and just not present.  I'm walking around on egg shells and I'm finding it very very hard to separate the illness from who he is as a person.  Since he was diagnosed I haven't received any support.  It's only when its at crisis point that i reach out to friends but i'm in a awful state and i go into panic mode myself.My oldest daughter is now on very high alert now and even though she has a good relationship with my husband she doesn't want to be left alone with him if i go out or go away.  I'm running on empty and now that he has lost his job again ( 6 jobs in 7 years) I'm just at a loss.  I love him and want to support him but I just don't have it in me as I'm just on edge most of the time. Im working with someone to help me with this as i know this is a trigger for him too.

 

I feel my friends are also losing patience with it all too and more so like me don't fully understand the severity of the illness. 

I find in social situations I'm also on edge because of fear of what he might say.  He can be quite arrogant when out and disrespectful to others especially when he is drinking. Therefore I'm shutting down invitations and isolating myself. Would love to share some strategies with others around this. I feel this is our last chance of staying together and the next step will be to support him from afar.

 


 

9 REPLIES 9

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

@Tool17 I'm sorry to hear about what you are dealing with. It sounds like a really difficult and exhausting situation. It sounds like you need some help nativating this. You said you haven't received any support and I'm wondering if you are able to seek out a psychologist for yourself for your own wellbeing?

I'm not a carer myself so I am tagging some other carers here on our forums @Shaz51 @Anastasia @ShiningStar @Determined  I'm hoping they will offer you some support. 

I'm going to check in with you via email also, so please look out for this. If you need additional support you are welcome to contact the SANE support services 

Take care, Paperdaisy 

 

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

hey @Tool17 

 

I won't leave the house with mine anymore, security and/or the police have been called too many times now. I don't talk to my friends and family about it because they think I should just kick him out; they reached compassion fatigue about a year ago.  Life is not that simple. My main support is here.

 

We don't have children together; mine are in their 30's and his late, late teens. He hasn't had a job in 10 years.

 

Definitely see a psychologist yourself - get your gp to write you a mental health plan. It really does help.

 

It is almost impossible to keep going, I know, I'm now having heart problems due to living with really high adrenaline/cortisol levels from the stress. Working on it. Yes the more anxious I get, the angrier he becomes, it's sooo hard to remain peaceful - which is what they need - I have no answers, just empathy.

 

@Carlachris has helped me a lot so I'm tagging them.

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

Hi @Tool17 

 

I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here Heart

 

I’m so sorry to hear about what’s happening for you and your family and as I read this part of your story, I could hear such a profound sense of isolation, exhaustion, distress and desperation Heart

 

From what you’ve described, it sounds as though you’re carrying an incredibly heavy emotional load and as such, I can really appreciate how you’ve reached a place in your life where you feel completely overwhelmed and emotionally depleted Heart

 

Although I’m not caring for a loved one who is living with a mental health condition, I can really appreciate how valuable it can be to talk with people who share similar experiences to our own. As such, I just wanted to share a few resources with you, in the hope that some of these may be helpful Smiley Happy

 

Earlier this year, one of our wonderful Community Guides (bipolarbunny) created a thread specifically in relation to bipolar disorder, which they aptly titled ‘Ask Me Almost Anything About Bipolar.’

 

Essentially, this particular thread provides a space where people (who are caring for a loved one who is living with bipolar disorder) can ask questions and reach out for support Heart

 

Unfortunately, bipolarbunny is currently on leave and so although I can’t introduce you, I thought that you may like to read other people’s stories as through doing so, you may find other members of our community who are experiencing similar challenges to your own Heart

 

As such, I’ve included the link to this particular thread below, just in case you would like to explore this further:

 

https://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-ourselves/Ask-Me-Almost-Anything-About-Bipolar/m-p/1059228

 

I also wondered if one of our special events known as Topic Tuesday may be of interest to you Smiley Happy

 

Basically, Topic Tuesday is a live online discussion that’s facilitated by a guest speaker who has expertise in the topic that’s being discussed.

 

Earlier this year, our Topic Tuesday focused on bipolar disorder and as such, the conversations were guided by a guest speaker from an organisation called Bipolar Australia.

 

During this time, our Community Manager and our guest speaker created a safe and respectful space whereby they gently invited members of the community to share their experiences.

 

Although this particular event was held in March of this year, I just ever so gently wondered if you may like to read through the conversations and the information provided by our guest speaker.

 

As such, I’ve included the link to this event below, just in case you would like to explore this further:

 

https://saneforums.org/t5/Special-Events/Topic-Tuesday-Let-s-Talk-About-Bipolar-Tues-23rd-March-7-00...

 

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Tool17  that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

 

Please remember that you’re always welcome to reach out here whenever you need to Heart

 

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

 

ShiningStar Heart

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

hello @Tool17  how are you going today 

my husband has bipolar 2 and other diagnosis and it is ups and downs daily 

my husband has cancelled all help , but now is on anti depressant and anti anxiety meds which are helping but we stil have daily ups and downs 

we dont go out much and i have had to cancel lots of social outigs at the last minute 

@Paperdaisy@HenryX@Olga@Bipolarcarer@Mazarita@eth@Dimity 

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

@Shaz51, that must be really hard for you. I think you should try to have something for yourself as well. Some social outings with your friends, some ME time. You need to refuel sometime so that you can be an empathetic carer for your husband and kids. Wishing you lots of strength, Olga

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

Thank you my friend xx @Olga 

I don't have any friends anymore  I am sorry to say 

Soo I don't have any outlet xxx

@ShiningStar , @Tool17 , @SJT63 , @Paperdaisy , @Moderator 

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

@Shaz51 

 

I don't have any friends any more either.

 

I've not been on the forum in ages because I'm having some health issues; finally all the anxiety and stress of living with him is affecting my heart... lol... anyhoo, not too well right now but himself isn't too bad.

 

We went and saw a show on Saturday night and I am once again reminded why I won't leave the house with him any more. The week before, at his son's graduation he called the principal the C word loud enough for the people around us to hear (she upset him a couple of years ago and of course he still smoulders). Then he went off about the bloke in front filming on his camera.

 

Saturday we had a tantrum getting ready to leave because it wasn't at the venue he "assumed" it was (even though I'd told him a couple of times), a tantrum because I'd parked too far from the carpark exit, a tantrum because he couldn't find the gents, a tantrum because it was taking so long to get out of the carpark - which rattled me so I scraped the mudguard on a pillar backing out - which gave us another tantrum.

 

Hannah Gadsby was wonderful, but going anywhere with him isn't. 

 

Hope you,  @Anastasia and @Carlachris  doing ok... I have to wear a heart monitor next week which I am NOT looking forward to if it's as heavy and uncomfortable as the sleep study one was.

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

@Shaz51 💔👂💞

@SJT63 oh hunny, hugs. Please let me know how you go?

My health failing as well due to stress. Dr called me today, waiting on finding out outcome from test Monday at 5 😳

It's a tricky road we travel hey?

Take care everyone @Tool17 @ShiningStar @Olga 

Re: Husband with Biploar 2 how to support myself, him and my kids

Was it a blood test on Monday @Anastasia or some other test? I hope you will be better very soon. Yes it is a tricky road, I agree
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