BPD 13 year old daughter

[Ingz]

Hi just joined as have had some challenging times over the last 3 months with my 13 year old daughter. It’s like a switch has gone off. A lot of self harm then accusing myself & her Dad doing so. Lost count how many police reports have been made and all have been dropped. Last hospital visit the HM team said to look up BPD and start therapy with CBT & BPT. They say she is quite young and need to see at least 6 months of this behavior to actually say she has BPD. When they were going through it all sounded just like her. Anyone experience anything like it? 

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Ingz 

Just wanted to take a quick moment to welcome you to the forums and to thank you for sharing your experience here.

It sounds as though it's been an extremely difficult time for your family. I can't imagine the stress, confusion and worry that must have come from the past 3 months. 

There are a lot of members here who have first-hand experience with BPD and who I'm sure will be able to offer you some great support and guidance.

It sounds like you're doing all you can right now to meet these challenges and find the right support options for your daughter. I'm wondering if you have any supports who you've been able to lean on during this difficult time?

[tyme]

Hey @Ingz ,

Welcome to the forums. 

What I'm about to share is purely from my own experiences and knowledge of BPD. 

Understanding BPD is certainly a start, however, I would be hesitant to 'label' any 13 year old with BPD. The reason being, the teenage years are vital years of brain development. There is a lot of neural pruning going on, and escalations in teenage behaviour can be confused with BPD.

BPD is generally not diagnosed until late teens or early adulthood. That is, it is not diagnosed until the significant physical brain changes have slowed down and it is clear there are other things at play other than pure teenagehood.

I'm not saying CBT and DBT won't be helpful at this age. However, the key question is, does SHE want things to change? I am involved in a lot of work with teens and at this age, they are still experimenting. Most are NOT ready to make any changes. Do you think she wants things to change at this stage? By all means, give it a go.

In my own recovery, I was diagnosed with BPD at about 17-18 years old. There were things going on for a long time, yet the official diagnosis came much later. Then for over 10 years after that, I flip-flopped with therapy because as much as I said I wanted things to change, I really wasn't ready for the committment and upon reflection, I really wasn't ready to change. 

It came to a head when I was on the verge of death. In my 30s, I eventually sincerely reached out and said to the assessment team, "This is my last chance. I either give this a go, or I'm gone". This was the turning point. 

And yes, I'm still here. I'm in an incredible place in my recovery.

At the moment, I'm involved in a research paper about BPD and specific therapies, and hence I am able to share what I have shared above.

I wish you all the best with this journey. Feel free to tag me in by typing "@" in front of my username e.g. @tyme so that I get a notification of your responses. Ask any BPD related questions and I'd love to support you 🙂

[Ingz]

Thank you Yes have support around but feel I’m too overwhelmed by it all. Trying to be strong for all