Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Ceebubbles]

Hi, am struggling at moment trying to help my four children deal with separation from my husband- their dad. He refuses to accept his own depression, autism and adhd. It makes him my extra child. I know i should love him no matter what but constantly battling to keep things in perspective. Trying to work out a parenting agreement but finding out he really does need suervision with them. Any ideas on how i can keep my own head above water? Trying to be proactive but facing so much negative pressure.

[pip]

Dear Ceebubbles. Has your hubby actually been diagnosed? Contact family services and ask them for some guidance. Also ask your lawyer about supervised visits. It is almost impossible to maintain a good working relationship with someone with mental health issues. You would possible need to speak to your Dr about this and ask him for some guidance as well. Your lawyer also needs to speak to your hubby's Dr to get some advise. Tell your kids that dad loves them, but because he is ill, he needs help when visiting them as he doesn't understand how to care for them.

[Acacia]

Hi Ceebubbles

Welcome to the Forums.

It sounds like you have been supporting a lot of people for quite some time; and now you are dealing with a whole new set of challenges with the separation and parenting arrangements. It’s no wonder it’s feeling difficult to keep your head above water.

You mention that “you should love him no matter what”. That sounds like a lot to ask of yourself and maybe something that is not within your control. Are you able to explain a bit more about what you mean by “battling to keep things in perspective”?

It sounds like at the moment, the most important thing is looking after yourself and your kids. I’m glad you’ve reached out for support here. There are other members here on the Forums who have faced challenging situations with partners or ex-partners. @Rali and @CLA have both posted recently about balancing the demands of a young family and an unwell partner. You can read their posts here and here. You might also find this conversation started by @shr helpful.

Keeping your head above water can be different for everyone. Friends and family are often more willing to help than we imagine. It might also help to see if there is some extra support available for your kids. Are they linked in with a counsellor through their school? I’m also wondering if you have any professional support for yourself at the moment? Either from a lawyer or family support services, as @pip mentioned, or perhaps from a counsellor?

Welcome once again @Ceebubbles and please keep posting

[Ceebubbles]

Thank you for the welcome.

I just meant what do others do for themselves during these crazy times. I am seeking help with practical stuff housework, daycare twice a week for toddler. Its more finding something for myself, guess i have been in tunnel vision with trying to make my family work constantly facilitating their relationships etc. What do others suggest? I am trying to be proactive in addressing the bad but feel like this last week has done me in, crying way too much of time. Am trying to put my head into study and activities but just feel i have come to a stand still. I am sure i am not the only one depleted and is crazy when these little people need a leader who will sort out their schedules and help scaffold relations with each other. Yes they are learning alot of independant skills but as with anything it takes time and persistence. Not looking for pity just ideas, thanks 😊

family are out of the picture. My side are emotionally manipulative above other unhelpful qualities and inlaws just want to ignore the problem while preaching to me...if only i put husband above children there wouldnt be a problem.. followed by helpful advice on giving my kids up for adoption so chose to step out on my own. For this reason i am now a black sheep so to speak for both sides. Looking for support elsewhere now. My gp just nods doesnt really give any real help. Havent gone to a lawyer yet we dont have any investments together so wasnt sure exactly what they would help with. But this is all brand new to me so just taking one moment at a time.

[Ceebubbles]

And i was surprised when the school counsellor did not want to really help out my kids particularly the one kindy who needed the most support i think. They are now all at same school so they can support in each other in assemblies and playground etc. And i have told all three teachers but am not sure exactly what i am asking of themi guess. Have appts with principal maybe that might spread some light.