That’s good @Snowie . You need to do what helps and it doesn’t matter how many times.
Im only just learning about asking for help. Only in the last fortnight have I reached out to those closest to me and let them in and asked for help. Getting the help we need when we need it is so important. You can get through this. Keep reaching out. Keep remembering how @Zoe7 held on by a thread so often and is still here to live life and face new and rewarding challenges (and the old ones that still pop up). 💜🤗
To say I held on by a thread is an understatement @Teej @Snowie All three of us know how totally debilitating things can be in our lives and how close we have all come to the edge (and the numerous times we have gone over the edge!) Hanging on is so very hard to do - especially when the whole world and everything in it seems to be closing in on us. The pressure we feel, the darkness we see and the depths of despair we are within can feel like there is no hope but @Teej amd I are just two of many here that have been there too Snowie so whilst we cannot change it all for you we certainly can sit in the pit with you and hold your hand - and just be here for you and with you. It is one of the hardest places you can imagine being in and presently you are living it Hon - but Teej and I are walking examples that no matter how dark it is there are people around that are with you - we are with you and we get it. ...no words could have helped me but the constant support kept me going - so here we are - supporting you, loving you, caring about you and doing what we can for you ...you matter to us Hon sooooo much 
@Snowie Heading off for the night Hon but wanted you to know I am still thinking of you, sitting right beside you and supporting you - you are loved, cared for and matter so much to us here so hold that tight a know you are amongst friends
Just agreeing with the others here, that you are a valuable member of this community. I do not always chat to you, as sometimes it seems better to focus on a few threads rather than spread ourselves too thin.
We are on different paarts of our Mental Helath Journey and different parts of our life cycle. At some stages we have more spare energy and time. It is hard to compare the struggles that each person endures, though I am pretty sure most people do have a LOT to endure over a lifespan, whether they think of it in MI terms or not.
I actually do believe in the power of various therapuetic approaches and relationships. I really believe people can heal after great periods of trauma or suffering or distress. With survival comes valuable insights and meaning.
Hugs
Love your gorgeous white bear face. Its part of the furniture here.
