Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Skylark .... 😊

It has been a while. We're pretty much in the same place ..... treading water with my hubby still in denial with an eating disorder ....

How are things going with you ?

[Skylark]

Just going day by day. My son has seemed to have gone back a few steps 😞 Unfortunately. Been told this is not unusual but it's hard to watch and it feel responsible. He's mostly ok but there seems to be some disconnect somewhere. He's on no meds as he'd stopped taking them. His anxiety seems worse - he's not in as bad way as he was a year ago which is good. He had an outburst the other night 😞 seems ok today but doesn't talk to me as much as when he was really well. He's avoiding all appointments and going anywhere especially in the daytime. Not taking care of himself as much and a few other things which definitely aren't helping him. So yeah I'm pretty worried. His case worker/OT is coming out tomorrow whether he tries to cancel or not which is a good thing as maybe if he talks with her he will feel better. I just carry on being here for him and being supportive though the other night was hard as he was yelling and swearing at me 😞
Apart from that we've moved house and my husband is on nights so generally stressfully 😜
I just focus on all the positives and I've started study which is something I enjoy though I'm nervous about the assessments hahahaha

Nice to chat with you 🌻💕

I'm sorry to hear about your husband 😞 I don't know about you but I went through feeling angry at mental illness which I know is stupid. I mean you can't be angry at the person they didn't ask to be unwell.

The new house is nice but man moving is really yuk! I'm failing a bit in the self care department how about you?

As tomorrow is Friday I'll wish you a happy weekend in case I don't get back xoxo 😘

[Former-Member]

@Skylark

Happy to join you in a collective curse against mental illness. After which, can I suggest we indulge in some self care.

What are you studying?

Darcy

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Skylark .... my Son 2 is in a similar state to yours.  He is wearing a brunt of my Wayward Husband's control issues, and as a result is depressed, but not wanting to be part of WH's story, and not wanting to seek help.  He has only been to one Uni class this semester so far - definite social anxiety set in - and is rarely surfacing from the house, or even his room for anything.  His personally hygiene has fallen down to very sloppy.  He is struggling to complete Uni assignments, and is submitting too late to pass them, even though the content is both totally doable or him, and enjoyable in his parallel universe ..... 

I am gently pressing him to see the family dr, especially as WH is back again from overseas next week, and all hell will break loose when he finds that this is what has been going on for the last 7 weeks, especially as I haven't told him .... he and his mother (who he has become emotionally dependent on, and her on him) are referring to the kids and myself as lazy, being unable to recognise or understand how or why we would all be suffering situational depression .... and the "laziness" is the associated inertia.

I have endeavoured to keep what I refer to as "scaffolding" in place over the kids and myself.  This may help with your son, although it might be happening under his counsellor anyway .... but it might help you.

Some form of "wash" every 24 hours, or 48 at the max - wet wipes, sponge bath, soap up and rinse off, swim, or fully-fledged shower.

Clean teeth at least once a day.

Leave the house at least twice a week.

Make a phone call at least twice a week.

Try to keep to regular commitments like piano lessons, but also things like church, and try not to move appointments out of your way or miss them.

Eat regular meals at meal times, or at least within a two hour span of a meal time.

Try to keep sleep in the night hours, and only allow yourself up to a two hour sleep during the day.  If you can't sleep at night, find ways to rest quietly with the lights dimmed.

We are limping along like this until we can deal with the big guy at the centre of it all.

🌷💕

[Bandit1]

I can fully understand, I can't seem to get appointments for my son often enough to help! He really needs to see someone once a week at least to benefit,but it's so difficult.All we can do is love and support them.

[Grasshopper3]

@Skylark, @Faith-and-Hope, @Darcy, @Louise, @Bandit1, @Mohill, @patientpatient

What a journey we're on!. We could just merge our stories together into one complex battle with MI.

I wish you all the strength in your supportive caring rolls. 

I am waiting for my son to get up, but he is fully medicated and sleeps a lot to give his mind the rest he needs for an upcoming overseas trip. 

I didn't even know I was a carer, when he was growing up with ADHD, OCD, and depression. I thought if I give him all the support now, in his teenage years, he will continue to reach out and look after himself when he is older.

However, he is nearly 23 now, and still needs me. I take time off work to take him to his appointments, take him to the local swimming pool as he like sitting in the spa bath, (me too 🙂 and cook for him.

As soon as I come home from work, we go for a walk. The rest of the day he is either sleeping, smoking or staring into nothingness.

Maybe once a month he does his own washing, but I have to help him fold it away. 

He has his first 4 week hospital treatment  June 2016 and we just been through another psychosis as he wanted his meds reduced in November 2016. I have taken time off work to be with him, and rang every agency in the hood to come and see him, so I can go back to work.

Someone came, signed him up for recovery work, then next day he cancelled it, then rang her later in the day to say he wanted to go ahead anyway.

He has seen his Psych this week, and his meds were increased.

There is so much going on in their minds, it must be so darn frustrating to live a life in chaos. The alternative, it seems, is medicate and sleep a lot.

I hope the organisation he has reached out for will support his Recovery, as I cannot do it on my own.

Look after yourselves.

[Faith-and-Hope]

You too @Grasshopper3 ..... 💐🤗💕

[Grasshopper3]

@Skylark

how are things with you?