Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Emily2]

We believe my Mum has had an undiagnosised mental illness since possibly her teens. She is now in her early 70s. She has paranoid episodes. Last night she called in a kind of mania saying that someone was looking at her emails, and the council had declined her parking renewals and lots of other strange things were happening since my step-dad had an operation. Basically meaning that 'someone' or 'they' were sabotarging and targeting her. I feel like these episodes are brought on by stress since my stepdad has just had an operation. I live in another state. It causes great stress to myself but especially to my step-dad when these moments happen as he is alone with her. I have gotten to the point in my life when I would like to talk to other people living with parents with mental illness. The illness has gone undiagnosed as she has never been a threat to herself or anyone else. But the local GP and other people are aware of her state.... Just reaching out to feel a little less isolated. 

[suzanne]

Hello @Emily2, welcome to the Forum.  It's interesting how paranoia seems to creep in with aging.  With my own mother, while I wouldn't say she is unwell, she's certainly become more paranoid as she's entered her 70's.  Suddenly there are things she can't say on the phone, reasons for increasing secrecy, doubt about the intentions of others. 

Perhaps aging in itself is a little frightening (declining health, loss of loved ones etc) and so that expresses itself through paranoia.  You're probably right that the stress of her husbands ill-health is a factor - that in itself is frightening as it may have caused her to start contemplating life without him one day. 

One thing I find helpful is to avoid arguing the facts - I can never convince her that someone isn't listening in - but to explore the underlying feeling so that you still have a connection and a way of communicating.  So with my Mum I'll sometimes ask her what she's worrying about, how she feels about her own health, what she pictures when thinking about the future.  I just drop these into conversations from time to time as it helps me understand what's going on.  I never want her to feel interrogated so I keep it pretty casual.

I'm also in another state so I empathise with how worrying it can be when you're far away.  I'm not sure if these suggestions will help but they do give me some comfort.  

[Emily2]

Suzanne - Thanks for the reply. The paranoid episodes are not a new thing with old age. As I mentioned before she has had them as a teenager according to my family. If anything they have become less frequent with age. When I was a teenager she used to think that my step dad was trying to poison her, she accused us of having a sexual relationship, and has claimed people have been breaking into the house and poisoning trees in the yard. My brother had a psychotic episode when he was in his early 20s and she tried to get him to stop talking his medication because she thought they were trying to poison him. That is the only time I called the CAT Team on her. But they couldn't do anything because she wasn't a risk to herself or anyone else. The GP has also told us not to argue the facts which we have followed which has stopped things escalating. I wonder how common it is for an illness to go undiagnosed for the period of someone's life. It really saddens me for my mum because she has isolated herself from friends as she usually concocts some conspiracy they are enacting against her and of course they don't have anything else to do with her.

[Jane9]

Hi Emily, my aunt also has an undiagnosed paranoid disorder of some sort and it's difficult when a person isn't able to recognise there might be an issue and seek relevant treatment. It was hard for her children who grew up at the mercy of her unusual thoughts and behaviours but didn't recognise that it was mental illness and took it all on themselves. I called her GP once when I was younger but without her consent he couldn't discuss anything and he certainly wasn't going to do anything about it. I felt so helpless. Her kids had little to do with her as her behaviour was so distancing and she sort of just mucked on by herself. I haven't seen her for over 20 years as she's interstate and she's fallen through the cracks I suppose. It's very sad and as I read your post I hear that despite everything that went on as a teenager youre still hanging in there and trying your best to be supportive. I'm not sure what to say that would be of any support or benefit to you but hope you find the forum helpful as a place to share your experiences and feelings. Take care, Jane

[Emily2]

Hi Jane, 

Thanks so much for your reply. It is conforting to know there are others who have experienced what I have. It does warp what is real for a child. Tare care too. 🙂