Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Bubbles3]

Thanks @Determined

[Cracked73]

Dear @Bubbles3,

Your efforts in keeping it all together are amazing and yet too much. I am so sorry that you have to swim against the current in your own home. Please, do not stop in your efforts to get better. 

I am ashamed for your husbands threatening behaviour towards your situation as well as his lack of empathy. I do however believe he has come to a point in his life where he needs the help of a psychologist. In my humble opinion, him having a friend over is an attempt to recover the life he desires. Even for only a short time. Call it a refuge from reality. The moment the door closes, reality will come straight back and as you mentioned, his mood will turn hostile against you. I think, the threatening is the inner turmoil and despair coming out. He has no idea how to deal with your situation and he is out of his league. This feeling of not being in control is a severe blow to his personality and if he values everything he worked for; his marriage, his children, his house, boat, job, whatever drives him,he will have to get help from a trained professional and not from a mates-night-out.

You are improving, awesome, but....... he is not improving.He has no understanding of PTSD and therefore no reference point to relate back to, how can he really see you are improving? You know your improvements because you are the one suffering from PTSD and experienced it at its worst.

Picking up on improvements in my wife were and are still little baby steps for me. I am a dumb, stupid and emotionally blind man when it comes to helping my wife getting better. 

I so hope you don't burn out in your efforts to do it all perfect for him and neglect yourself along the way. That worries me.

Therefore I wish you a magic wand to do your bidding 🙂

[Bubbles3]

Thanks @Cracked73

His mate has gone now and he is back to normal again. Im really tired watching hiim having fun with his mate and now back to this. Dont get me wrong i want him to have a social life but not when he treats me like shit after. Not that he treats me like shit..... its more like he is ignorant of me. If that makes sense.
So we also had my sister in law and her boyfriend come over to and i have my nephew staying tonight. Now we have a delema with this kids. He is saying things that we shouldnt be getting into. He is being bullied at school. But thats another story. Hubby is getting the shits on with me now because im telling him that we shouldnt be interfering. The kids is not in danger..... let it be.

So back to me and him...... i have been trying my dam best to stay out of trouble and not be so depressed .
Well the truth is ...... i have been depressed but this time i have hidden it from him. I act all happy when im around him but when he is at work i do go down hill. I seem to let my emotions out on quite a bit. But he doesnt know that. I keep on telling him that im fine and everything is fine. Sometimes its not but im not going tell him that. I dont want him to worry about anymore especially after he said he wanted to jump out of his truck. I need to pretend that everything is ok with me.
I have the court on Wednesday and im sh*tting me pant. But i cant tell him that. I just have to get through this by myself and with other stuff as well.
I cant put anything on hubby anymore. I dont want to stress him anymore than i have done already. I want him to be happy.

I want all of us to be happy. A happyh family. No mental health issues and illnesses. I want to move forward. I know that easier said than done. But im trying. And that all i can do.

[Bubbles3]

Well me and hubby have had an argument. He has been drinking. He drinks everyday i dont think it help the situation. I so p*ssed of with him. All he want to do is argue and i tell him tbat im not doing it. He just doesnt get it. He has had way to much to drink and that p*sses me of even more. The next day day he always says that he is sorry. But how many times can he do that
.

Im ready to give up.

[Cracked73]

Dear @Bubbles3,

I admire your will to make your marriage a happy one by sacrificing yourself for it.

Please forgive my sarcasm in the last sentence, but are you really willing to sarifice yourself to the point of complete annihilation, for the sake of pretending a happy life?

I fully understand what you are doing ( I felt the same for years ), but any mental disorder does not play by the rules we would like to create to lead a normal life again. You admitted it yourself, you pretended to be his happy wife, but inside you still struggle, fight the same issues and feel alone, lost and eventually without hope. I do not wish that for you. 

It will only be a matter of time before the facade of your deception begins to crack and crumble away - and this time at what cost? What about your kids, they need their whole mum to look after them, be there for them. Mum's are the glue of life, keeping the pieces together that create a solid bond.

Is it fair to the one that really need you as a whole, when you begin to withdraw, have emotional outbursts of anger or rage, depression, apathy?

I implore you, do continue on your road to recovery even if it means to make tough decisions.

I leave you with a quote from a movie: " But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve."

[Bubbles3]

@Cracked73

I know hiding it isnt the smartest thing to do but thats all i can atm. I need to show him that nothing is wrong or going wrong. I need to prove thatg to him.

[Cracked73]

Dear @Bubbles3,

I do respect your chosen way and hope it will work for you. Let us know how it goes.

Wishing you lots of miracles in the nick of time.

[Bubbles3]

Thanks @Cracked73

[Bubbles3]

Ok somethings not right.

Hubby has pulled a sicky and he never does that. He wont get out of bed. I dont know what going on.
@Determined @Cracked73 @Former-Member

I feel so lost . I dont know whats going on inside his head. He wont t alk to me.

Iv done this to him. Myy mental health has made him hit rock bottom. All coz of me.
I dont know what to do anymore

[Cracked73]

Dear @Bubbles3,

Sorry to hear your husband is not well. Everyone is reacting differently to the changes in life and I hope your hubby and you can get a conversation going to make it work for the better for both of you.

I suffered from mild depression and SH at one stage.It was my wife that pushed me to see a psychologist. It felt good just to let everything out in a safe environment, neutral.

I talked to my psychologist about things I would not dare talk to my wife. Out of fear I would make things worst in my marriage.

But most of all, something you always have to remember. It is not your fault what has happened to you or what is happening to your husband. It is neither of you at fault ! Life has thrown a really horrible curve ball at you both.