Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BrookeL]

My husband had what can only be described as a psychotic episode a few months ago. He had a series of let downs, and became increasingly distant, depressed and irrational. After a major incident where he emailed me whilst out with friends for the day, accusing me of unbelievable things over many years, and he attempted suicide, I took him to our GP who referred him to a psychiatrist. The psychatrists words to us were "this is serious", and prescribled morning and evening medication along with recurring visits and recommended CBT and psychologist visits as well. Things went well for a time, and about 9 weeks ago he went interstate to find work (he had been out of work since redundancy in April, then found a job and on day 6 broke his foot, so had workers comp for 3 months), He did find work, but only started 2 weeks ago. A few times since he has been away, I have felt he is not right. Last weekend I was watching a kids movie with my 2 year old and sent a short text in reply to a text of his, stating that I was watching a kids movie and liking it. Not long after he wrote a really long, really confusing txt saying I don't care, I'm distant, have no interest in him, what am I even bothering with him for and on and on it went. After hours on the phone trying to reassure him he wanted to sleep. The next day he was clear and apologised saying he must've been tired and it affected him. The whole week, i've been on edge, careful to not to say anything that might set him off. This morning I get an email, saying he saw ny internet search history and I've been searching innappropriate things about a particular movie star. I don't even remember this and said it must've been something on my twitter feed i clicked on. He then proceeds to rant he isn't stupid, I'm dishonest and "busy" not thinking of him when he's out of the state. I am exhausted dealing with this. I don't know how to handle this situation anymore. We've been together for 16.5 years and I don't want to walk away, but for the last 5 months, I have been walking on eggshells, watching my p's and q's, making sure he is ok, taking his meds and trying really hard to be supportive. I cannot stand being accused of silly, ridiculous things anymore. How do I deal with this? I am exhausted. I have just started a uni degree to better myself and he even said once I get my degree I will be "all hoity toity and leave him". I am sick of feeling sick. I am going out with a family friends to the park this afternoon, and I am in no state to see people as I am now distracted, preoccupied and downright annoyed! It seems, when I have something on with friends, I get an email accusing me of something so ridiculous and I then don't feeli like going out. Something tells me he does it on purpose.. I don't know what to do. 

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @BrookeL,

Welcome to the sane forums

your experience sounds very isolating and confusing, have you had an opportunity to speak with your husbands psychiatrist? he might have ideas on what is happening and how to understand and predict his decrease in MH then what to do. It is hard to know what to suggest but I think the thing that strikes me as one of the most important right now is that you do not lose contact with your friends and family. I can only imagine how tired and unmotivated to be social you must be but i cant stress enough how important it is that you maintain support for you. You cant help him if you are depleted 

i know that there are a few people on here who have some similar experiences such as @Lily spoke about in Confused wife, paranoid husband and @Maple in Bipolar Husband has shared some of her difficulties and @Former-Member in Wives caring for husbands describes how getting help from supports like MI Fellowship has been beneficial

does anyone else have any ideas?

[BrookeL]

Thanks so much for your reply. I have been with him during his psychiatrist visits, at his request, and he is always great when he leaves, and for a while after. His psychatrist has told him he needs to be proactive about CBT and mindfulness therapy and when he is home I can make sure he is doing them but when he's away I have no way of knowing for sure. I don't like to nag about it so I don't ask the question. He is flying home next week so I have an appointment booked with his psychiatrist, and I will go along, if my husband wishes. I got a couple of texts later this evening after returning from our park outing, and my husband apologised for the accusations this morning and said he had spoken to a counselling service on the phone today and feels really silly about the accusations he threw at me, and being a FIFO (Fly-in-fly-out) wife with 2 children, a uni degree, an acreage and loads of animals to look after is a lot to deal with and I shouldn't be subjected to his drama. I have spent 1 full night and 1 full day dealing with the same dramas since last Sunday and it is terribly draining, not to mention I have 2 children relying on me so I have no time for this kind of carry on.He has said he will call this counselling service in the future and not bombard me again. My head is spinning and I'm so confused. Is this going to get any better? Am I always going to have to be waiting for the next episiode? I have entertained the idea of seeing a psychologist myself to help me cope with his mental illness... I don't have many friends that know about this, I like to keep things to myself, rather than blurting to anyone who will listen. I have one close friend who has known my husband since she was born who I can talk to, but she is a busy girl who works long hours, and I hate to bother her. I have plenty of friends and try to keep busy with my girls, their sports and activities. I do find myself withdrawing slighlty. Instead of talking about myself and my family, I divert conversations to others and how they are. It's easir than faking happiness.... I'm worried I am now going to "lose the plot".

[Lunar]

Oh @BrookeL,

That is so much to take on, no wonder you feel like you are going to lose the plot, a person can only handle so much without feeling burnt out.

I think seeing a psychologist is such a great idea for you to be able to talk to someone about all that is going on and building some coping strategies around that or even just to talk, you mentioned you don't really have anyone to talk to about it all and it's really important you look after yourself so the more support you can get the better.

Also try to do some self-care for yourself if you can, some mindfulness exercises even if it's just for ten minutes, a quiet cup of tea alone, reading or exercise, anything to make you feel less overwhelmed and more calm.

Are there things that you would like to do more of during the week that you are maybe putting last on your tasks?

Take care,

Lunar