I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I did my first mosaic kit on Friday @rav3n. It’s just something different to try and get into. It’s fiddly and time consuming so it’s good. 

I just chuck everything in a cupboard. The o my thing I have on display is my diamond art and they are hanging in my hallway. 

I can’t do today. I can’t face another minute. Nothing is working. I have a wish that I can’t say on here. It’s all just swallowing me up. It hurts and it’s scary. I think my best option is just to go to bed and forget that I exist. There is no reason to exist. 

[rav3n]

i think sometimes just trying new interest/activities tend to be a great way of re-motivating and energising us - glad you found that with mosaics! @Captain24 

i'm so sorry that today's really tough, i wish i could take away all those painful thoughts/feelings for you. do you think can give Lifeline or SCBS a call? i know it feels hard, but talking to someone about those scary thoughts and feelings is so important, you deserve to be heard. please don't hesitate to reach out to these services:

• 000 Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)
• Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs) 13 11 14
• Suicide callback service (24 Hrs) 1300 659 467

i'm finishing up now but @tyme is here for you as well.

[Captain24]

 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

How are you today?

What'd you get up to?

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme.

I'm not ok today. I don’t want to exist. I do t want this pain.

Ive cleaned the kitchen, changed my sheets, bathed both dogs and bought lawn mower fuel. 

It was so hard to do, it took so much out of me. I just couldn’t mow my lawn. 

[tyme]

That's okay @Captain24 . If you can't do it for now, leave it.

What is something helpful you can do in the meanwhile?

Do you feel you need to call a crisis line?

[Captain24]

I’m doing Lego @tyme. I don’t want to

do it but I know I have to. I’m not enjoying it. I’ve glued parts to my next mosaic so I’m waiting for that to dry and I might do some of that. 

I don’t want to have to call. I’m trying my best. 

Did you get your stuff done? 

[tyme]

Hearing you @Captain24 . Sounds hard to hang in there. 

There were a few changes today so i didn't get everything done. Oh well. It's Sunday so at least I'll have my own bed. The kids are not allowed to stay with me on school nights.

I got the new ipad a few weeks ago but I'm annoyed because it only takes e-sims. I've been back and forth with the service provider, trying to get my plan swapped to an e-sim. You wouldn't expect a tech company not to be able to do this, right?

Anyway, I like the new ipad because it's lighter than my other one. I do a lot of work on the ipad. 

Did you know you can get these really cool model planes that takes AGES to put together? You need to paint the parts and superglue them. 

What lego set are you doing at the moment?

[Captain24]

It’s hard @tyme 

Thats good that you have your own bed school nights! Are you ok with not getting it all done? I hope the changes were good changes. 

You think they’d be all over it. You can’t be the first person. My iPad is so old that I think it’s 3G but I don’t have a sim in it anyway. 

I never really got into the iPad. I do most of my stuff on my iPhone. But I don’t do the stuff that you do. I did get a new laptop for my online appointments. I don’t really use it for much else.

I don’t know if I could do a plane but I am having a look for another wooden thing that pushes together, I will get a harder on than the flowers. It should take some time. I’ve got my diamond art on the dining table, my Lego on the kitchen bench and my mosaic. I’m running out of room to do things. I like have a few things in the go. 

Im doing the Mario Super Nintendo one. I’ve built the games console and controller, now I’m onto the tv. There is 23 bags of Lego! 

[tyme]

Coolies @Captain24 

I know you aren't enjoying it, but at least it's a distraction. I reckon there will come a time when you can move beyond 'distractions' to actual self-soothe strategies. 

Yeah, I always get cellular apple items. I regret getting a cellular apple watch though because I never utilised it. 

I need a new iphone because the battery of mine is not lasting. Problem is, do you know how BIG the new phones are??? I've only got a small hand so I'm not looking forward to these big phones.

I totally want to book a holiday... I want to take the kids too, but my sister doesn't want to go... and I don't want to go alone...

Anyway, I'd better be quiet and get what I need to done before the hangout tonight.

And yes, in a way, I was happy with the changes today. I'm chill about things because tomorrow is another day...

Chat shortly