I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Are the fruit trees hard to maintain? @tyme. Do you have to do anything? Other than that it sounds like an easy yard. 

I should get a gardener! How is the guy going in your house?

Where do you get those mats? Or where do you find the Kmart ones. Is it in like the sports section or something? I want to find something before I go down the wrong path. I am doing that badly. 

[tyme]

You may feel you are doing 'badly' but rather, you are not doing as well as what you were before. It doesn't mean you are doing 'badly'. 

I bought my mat from https://www.shaktimats.com.au/?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5Y2CjPCriQMV9TyDAx0tJznAEAAYASAAEgI2bf...

I don't know where the kmart ones are found. I'm guessing the sport section? I've read reviews which say the kmart ones are not as good, but it's more accessible I guess.

The mats help you 'feel'. Like really 'feel'. Some people stand on them every day.. I can't though. it's too painful. I like lying on it with my bare back and then 'rip' myself off. You get this hot sensation right through your back and the pain is somewhat soothing... 

The feeling is so so hard to explain. Watch the videos of it online.

Anyway, I'm heading off now, but will catch up tomorrow.

Take care!

[Captain24]

Thanks for chatting to me tonight @tyme  I really needed that tonight and the kick up the bum for a shower. I appreciate what you have done. Thank you

[tyme]

Hugs @Captain24  I know you can do it.

[Captain24]

I should have been asleep 2 hrs ago, that’s what I agreed to with my psych, but yet, I’m still awake. 

Im still really down. I can see that dark hole. I can feel the emptiness. 

The thoughts are the hardest. I don’t want all that noise. I don’t want it to happen again. I really am trying to stop it, even slow it down would be good. 

I guess I start tomorrow as a new day. Right now I wish there wasn’t a tomorrow. I am safe.

[rav3n]

good morning @Captain24 

i see that you had some really heavy feelings yesterday, and i'm really glad you're safe. i hope today's brighter for you.
were you able to get some sleep?

[Captain24]

Hi @rav3n 

Thanks for checking in. 

I didn’t get much sleep, I had too much going on in my head. 

Today I have bathed the dogs, bought lawn mower fuel and made a resin coaster. So that’s something. Now I’m stuck on the lounge. I’ve just got nothing. 

Im really hating on myself right now. I hate who I am. 

How are you? 

[rav3n]

whenever i don't get much sleep and feel like my minds on overdrive, i feel like it becomes so much easier to hate myself/others/everything. perhaps that's what happening now? it's hard being kind to ourselves, especially when we're not fully re-energised, but it is sooo important to find ways to show kindness to ourselves regardless. @Captain24 is there something kind you can do for yourself right now? maybe even just giving your dogs a lil cuddle or chill in the backyard to catch some sun+fresh air?

sounds like you already had such a productive morning as well, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?

i'm alright, thanks for asking! just had my coffee earlier so feeling a bit more awake (i'm not usually a morning person)! 

[Captain24]

Maybe.. being tired does mess with your head @rav3n. I need adequate sleep or

i could go manic. My Pdoc in hospital said I need 9-10 hours a night. She said because our minds are working so hard we need more than the recommended amount of sleep. 

Im sitting here with my dogs. I meed

to get up and feed them. 

I need to mow the lawn but I just don’t have the motivation to do it. I’m thinking I might do some of the mosaic kit that I’ve got or some Lego but it seems like a chore. But the sun does sound like a good option. Thanks

Im doing some retail therapy tomorrow, I need to buy more resin kits and mosaic kits. Im trying something different. Plus I got some wooden thing, it’s ply wood and you join all the pieces together. The one I made was a flower. I want to get a harder one of them. 

Im glad the coffee helped. It’s unusual to see you around today. 

Do you have any plans for when you finish? 

 

[rav3n]

@Captain24 so true about the sleep! I also watched a video a few weeks ago about how people with mental health disorders tend to need more sleep than the average to help recover, makes a lot of sense why. 

totally fair if you're not motivated to mow today, perhaps its a job for later. ohhh defs don't want the fun stuff to feel like a chore, don't forget to take it at whatever pace you're feeling today - there's no rush.

ooo mosaic kit sounds fun, did you recently get into mosaics? i feel like i've only recently heard you talk about it but i could be wrong. woah that flower ply wood thing looks so pretty! when you complete your crafts, do you usually keep it on display or gift them to others?