@CheerBear I had many hesitations about my level of sharing here on the forum, but I could barely say a sentence on a personal note with it somehow being ... a no-no ... or a scandal at some level. It is a work in progress for me. However I have been aware of it for a LONG time .. its just taken this long to be able to relax my vigilance on the issue ... I can be disciplined about it .. wear my total professional hat .. but that sense of discipline and restraint causes tension in many social situations.
As one MH worker said recently .. it is actually also a social problem .. not all my problem ... as when people are not grown up or open minded enough to understand ... its their bad .
I was watching as my son did struggle in the course to find a level of emotional contact, the level of pain in the family is difficult to witness ... and with musicians there is little that is hidden ...we were doing heaps of group work and impro ... anyway it was a learning process for all involved.
I told one teacher that he had forgiven teachers for dropping the ball with him ... I think she saw the level that the ed dept had betrayed him and me .. by the end of the course ,,, found it difficult .... she could not say goodbye to me ... lots of unacknowledged death and grief is difficult ... and we should not need to explain and justify all the time.
One lady was very nosy ... kept asking me specific questions .. I tended to answer ... minimally but truthfully ..but had a MOMENT .. when I realised it was her nosiness .. rather than my need to self reveal. Next time I will manage it better and reveal a lot less and "name the questioning" gently and bat it back. Its just that a refusal can easily offend...
My son asked me at the end why I had held back in performance and not had a "show-off' moment. I was there to ensure he finished without incident ... I had a neck incident but managed it and it did not get worse ... ... it was his turn to just be and try out various things ...
Shame and managing the issues ... does require understanding ...All in all .. it was a very good group but it was also an expectation that they had the skills to be inclusive and enable socially fraught situations with aplomb. Most of the young teachers had double degrees and often a masters as well. I was glad that he was with people more his age ... there were only a few of us oldies ...
I connected with people I had an earlier loose association and a strong alignment of values ... so that was good for me.
