Don’t want to accept the pain

[creative_writer]

Why can’t I pretend the pain isn’t real, maybe if I tell myself I’m okay and I don’t struggle with mental health I’ll be okay. Maybe if I tell myself that the traumatic memories aren’t real, then I can finally feel whole and less gross. Maybe I’ll just wake up from this dream soon and I’ll find peace within my mind when I do wake up. Maybe I’m okay, maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me 

[tyme]

Because you are honest @creative_writer . And the pain IS there and the pain IS real. At some point, that reality will hit whether you pretend or not.

[Gremlin24]

@creative_writer sadly the pain is real and no amount of pretending will make it go away. Your memories are a constant reminder of the trauma you have been through but it does not define who you are today. You have overcome so much to get to this point and learning to cope with the pain isn't easy. But there's nothing wrong with you, you are amazing, unique and so valued 😊.

[creative_writer]

@tyme and @Gremlin24 it feels so overwhelming tonight. I think I’ll try to get some sleep. I have a one sided headache. There are so many emotions inside me, but I am just silently crying. I don’t have it in me to scream, or to do anything else. Tomorrow is another day

[Gremlin24]

@creative_writer I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I hope you can get some rest. We are always here for you. Take it easy on yourself and take it one moment at a time. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you ❤️.

[Snowie]

Hey @creative_writer 

That pain is real. I know because I have it too.

Sometimes for those fleeting moments we can experience peace, a time where things seem to be going well.

But, that pain has made you who you are today. I know I personally don't know you, but on here you come across as a caring, intelligent person who shows so much strength in surviving each day.

I really hope today is a little better for you hon.

Sending a bucket load of love 💗💗

[creative_writer]

@Gremlin24 @Snowie I always seem to wake up in the state of hyperarousal which makes getting out of bed challenging. I’m finding it very hard to get things done, it’s been a bit out of control. I can’t stop thinking. I don’t want to have to keep increasing my meds either. I increased one of my meds a few times last year. I need to get a referral for a new psych. Though I’ve been told the one I’m looking at may have a wait. But I rather go to someone who is a good fit for me

[Gremlin24]

@creative_writer waking up in a state of hyperarousal is frustrating and definitely makes things hard. Hopefully you can get a referral done soon and that wait to see a new psychologist isn't too long. Increasing your medication may help but sometimes it's a balance of therapy and medication that's needed rather than just relying on one or the other. 

[creative_writer]

@Gremlin24 my GP tends to be very booked out, and often you can’t get appointments till 12 days or so. However, I was lucky there was a cancellation on Monday. Not sure how long the wait will be, but at least the process will start in a few days.

I do agree the combination of therapy and meds is the best. I didn’t find that my last psych was meeting my needs so progress stagnated. I may need a different approach, though I do fear re-traumatisation. I may have been re-traumatised in therapy in the past

[Gremlin24]

@creative_writer that's good that you were able to get an appointment and I hope that the wait won't be too long. 

Sorry to hear that your last psych wasn't meeting your needs, it's all about finding that right fit for you. Therapy can bring up all the trauma but the idea is that it can then be dealt with and managed. I really hope you get that right fit for you and get the support you need and deserve.