Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[helephant1969]

My daughter is 17 and I'm pretty sure is suffering depression and anxiety. She frequently threatens to end it. Today I haven't gone to work because of a major episode this morning. Major drama where totally unnecessary. Thankfully she is now home. I have tried to gently persuade her to seek help but she says no counsellor can fix this. This is causing major disruption and upset to myself, my relationship and other children. Has anyone been through anything similar?

[pip]

Hi helephant 1969. Without knowing a bit more, it's hard to know how to advise. Is there a father on the scene, does she have siblings? When my daughter was 17 (some 20 years ago), my marriage at that time was in deep trouble. I was not with her father. My daughter went through an identity-crisis period where she didn't know anyone she could turn to as a role model. At 17, girls usually have peers who are 'there' when bf troubles, problems at home seem overpowering. Do you have anyone in a similar age group or slightly older she could trust that she could confide in. It's possible she feels she hates herself, you, the world in general. If she had someone she trusted implicitly, not necessarily a counsellor, but someone in her age group who speaks her 'language', it would be incredibly helpful. Does she have a bf, this could be a major problem if he is pressurizing her in some way, I don't necessarily mean sexually, although sex does play a big role today, more so than when I was that age.

[-karma-]

Hi @helephant1969

unfortunately this is an all to common cry from many family members.

Now might be your time to act given the episode this morning. It could be that you take her to the GP, explaining that you are concerned for her and would like for her to be 'checked out' by the dr.?

Alternatively do you think she might respond to telephone support like the kids help line, they also have online support, this maybe more her style? I noticed they had a section for parents which may also provide you with some extra support/resources, and for your other children too.

https://kidshelpline.com.au/

1800 55 1800

What about her school, are they expressing any concerns regarding her behaviour, or do you think she may respond to a particular teacher there?

And importantly, have you got someone to have a cuppa with that can provide a listening ear?

let us know how you get on

[NikNik]

Hi @helephant1969

I'm so glad you reached out to this community and sorry to hear what your family is going through.

It's really hard when teenagers, purely due to their age and lack of experience, can't see the possibilities to get better. It's really important for parents to continue to send the message: things can get better.

There's a great site for parents of teenagers called ReachOut, which aims to help parents support their teenagers. You can find them here

There are some great factsheets about communication, getting help for teens and suicide. There's even an online community, like this one.

I hope these referrals are of use.

Take care

[helephant1969]

Hi Karma

Three months have passed and I have wonderful news. My daughter did go to the GP, although it took a huge amount of courage for her to do so. She started anti-depressants and initially had such strong side effects that I thought she might stop taking them. But she perservered and is now out of that deep dark hole she was in. She took a break from her studies and has spent the past 3 months 'chilling' at home. I thought this was important to give her a chance to slowly re-engage with life. She is very different to be around now. Pleasant, funny and caring. She couldn't believe how different the world looked once the cloud lifted and after 3 months she has announced she is ready to re-commit to her studies and pursue her dreams. She wants to volunteer with a homeless organisation and help others as part of her own self-therapy. So if you are struggling or your child is in that world of pain, be strong and patient, and know that what they are expressing is not who they are. Be the positive voice that penetrates the darkness, tell them this will pass, and do not turn your back on them however tempting that may be... It's just a matter of them accessing the help and medications that are available, and sometimes there will be a bit of trial and error and bumps along the way. Good luck x

[Shaz51]

Hello @helephant1969

 Ohhh that is wonderful news xx

You are soo Awesome @helephant1969 and I am so proud of your daughter xx

Hello @NikNik, @-karma-, @pip xx