Aye @Blackcloud I will echo what @rav3n said!! I definitely didn't mean to diminish or overlook the unique challenges you face - and like, yeah, society can be really callous towards those who might struggle to connect, treating us as though our challenges are some personal failing, and not a reason that hey, maybe we deserve more compassion not less!! And like, I imagine that the pressure from your mum would also be getting in the way - like, if you try to force a friendship, most times it's just gonna fizzle out super quick. That's so rough hun.
I think one of the things in my own journey I found surprising was that when my people did find me, I didn't have to do anything to change to fit in with them. They already liked me as I was. I wouldn't have been able to be receptive to that without having some part of me believe it to be possible. Maybe you can make space for a part of you to hold onto that hope too 😌
There are people out there who would meet you, hear that you have struggles with your speech, and say 'Ahh, now I can practice my patience, and be a good friend by waiting and not rushing them' rather than 'oh, this is too hard, nope'. It's hard if you've just gotten soooo much rejection over the years, our brains are mostly convinced by experiences not words. But I hope that you find your people some day soon!! No, I know you'll find your people!! I have much faith 😊💜
