Just checking in.

[CheerBear]

So good to see you @Teej 🙂❤ Great to hear you came through the surgery well. Are you out of hospital? Sorry about the on edge feels. Anything you can or would like to share about the developments?

One of those not fab nights tonight (lots catching up with little sleep behind me) but overall I've been going well enough thanks.

[Teej]

Would love to share stuff but can’t here @CheerBear . I’m sorry you’ve been sleep deprived....AGAIN ☹️. 

I came out of hospital yesterday. I was in theatre two hours so expected to be a bit of a mess but I was home by 2:30 yesterday. So my hairy teethy thing is out. They cleared out some endometriosis I didn’t know I had. Hopefully my two remaining below girls bits do what they need to and stay healthy now. 

How is unwell one and well one? I think I read there was something happening there. 

[Teej]

@CheerBear  PS I just realised then 🤦‍♀️ that can’t get pregnant - no Fallopian tubes. I still have one ovary and a supposedly ok uterus so I didn’t think about it until then  (not that getting pregnant was on my list of things to do before 60). It’s kind of a weird moment though. 

[CheerBear]

Totally understand not being able to share @Teej. Getting it without knowing exactly what "it" is - forum magic 🙂 Sounds productive to remove hairy toothed thing and endo. 🤞 that helps you.

Unwell one had a wonky week last week with a couple of trips to the hospital. It's like they're both falling apart at bit atm. Results tomorrow and treatment if it's still on after the results so I'm taking them both in instead of driving just unwell one. Thinking it might be a long day 😏

Its anniversary time in a couple of days. I'm struggling on the inside with that whenever I stop doing and going. It's like a yucky panic, shaky, tight feeling, making me feel sick. I'm annoyed with myself and full of "should be able to do this better now" stuff. I'm dropping and running with that, feeling better just for saying it somewhere and I'm going to head to a shower now rather than sit and dwell. Sleep will help me more than anything tonight I'm sure. Sorry I'm not great company.

It is good to see you and I really hope the rest of the week goes OK enough. You're often in my thoughts ❤

[Teej]

I’m sorry I forgot @CheerBear . I do remember the sporting event that is a triggering time. I know they will get easier but it’s a slow :pile_of_poo:ty process. 

Im sorry that things are at the critical stage now for you. As much as life sucks now, things will be better next year (I hope).  I know your time will come to shine again 💜🤗💜🤗

[Maggie]

@Teej  💜💜💜💛💛💛

[outlander]

@Teej 

[CheerBear]

I'm checking in as today is a tricky one. Today it is three years ago since it was the last day I spent in our 'old' life. It was the last day we were part of our community, the last day we had good friends to call on, the last day I thought I might finally finish my degree and the last day we spent at our home which was a place I had created on my own for my little family that until then felt safe. This day three years ago I knew something was very not OK and I was preparing myself for something big to happen but I had no idea that it would be as big and serious and life changing as it was. I didn't know everything was about to be shattered or that life as I knew it would end tomorrow.

I feel sad today. As much as my thinking brain knows it's not happening again, my feeling brain is stuck back there this morning. It's full of memories, sadness and anger. I fought so hard to try and have things not be the way they turned out but there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was out of my control. I find that one of the hardest bits to sit with.

I know things are getting better. It's taken a while but now I know and feel that we are safer for having been through this. I don't feel as hopeless or destroyed by it anymore and it doesn't have the same impact on me as it did for a long time. More days than not I can see so the good and am proud of how hard I fought and how much work I've done since it happened. I don't hate the way I've changed through this like I did for a while and I have more hope now.

This date has been bubbling away for a little while and has added to what has been a tricky couple of weeks, which I expected it might. It will pass as it always does, but today I feel angry and hurt and sad. I wanted to share what today means to me because there's so much going on in the present for the people in my life that there's not much space for my past stuff in that. I'm also sharing because for a good chunk of these three years I've been riding this out here on the forum. I came here so scared and so lost and so incredibly alone feeling like nowhere was safe. The forum changed that for me and I'm super thankful I landed here when everywhere else was a huge mess. It's definitely something good that came from so, so much not good.

There's my vent for today. Thanks for listening if you did.

[Gazza75]

@CheerBear :)

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear You have come so far since in these 3 years Hon. It has been a really long road but your strength and persistence in so many areas has shone through. You have rebuilt your life for both you and your LF and it never ceases to amaze me just how much courage and strength you do have to both get through the really tricky times as well as rebuild your life around you. You have also continued to build up your own self confidence as well as step out of your comfort zone to help others. You have inspired us with your volunteering roles and the time and effort you have put into doing those things. None of that was easy as you had to also navigate your own insecurities to put yourself out there to do those things. 

You have also had to navigate some extremely tricky stuff with your LF, yourself and family - and all that you have done with grace, dignity and inner strength. You are someone here that I look up to, admire and respect and that is all because of the person you are and the very open way you share and work through things for yourself.

Whilst you cannot change what has happened - you can look back over these last 3 years with pride as where you were then and where you are now are poles apart - and all that you have done yourself. Recognise how much you have achieved, how resilient you have been in providing a stable environment for your LF and above all the continued care, support and compassion you have for others in your many roles you have undertaken. That to me shows your true self and despite adversity along the way you continue to pick yourself up and continue to move forward - all whilst helping others and volunteering for several roles. You are an inspiration Hon and it has been an absolute pleasure to walk this journey with you