I understand the impulse to run away too, @CheerBear.
A good part of my adult life I have been running from one thing or another, and still have a very strong tendency to draw back and withdraw if things get difficult, especially on the interpersonal level. I don't take criticism well at all (apparently a common thing for people with bipolar). I get too hurt by it, perhaps because I always have even worse perceptions of myself at the ready. I've come a long way with calming these negative perceptions of self, but it doesn't take much to trigger them still. Like a child, I respond well to nurturance and encouragement, and try to give that to others as much as possible too. The world is pretty tough, even for people more robust of heart and mind.
Well, I think that's it for me this morning. Great chatting again, as always. Hope the day turns out great for you and the kids. 
Who would have thought they’re be a video on affectionate teasing @CheerBear 😄. You know the answer for me I think is that affectionate teasing is usually really grounding and makes something feel somehow more normal and not so big and heavy. For me it’s often an icebreaker with my friend after I’ve been off the rails and sh. She’s always paid me out straight away and it feels just like us and nothing has changed......even though I might have been in a really bad way. I need that bring back to ok in those moments. I’m thinking you do too.
Thanks for sharing it. I hope you found your need in it to.
Sleep tally was 3ish hours but I have a pretty big sleep bank saved up from the last few days :face_with_rolling_eyes:😳. Still finding myself going through the dads but then am managing to pull myself out better. I know this is a volcano rumbling underneath one that I’ll have to face head on at some point but for now I keep pushing it down, just got to get to Christmas somehow 😬
@Faith-and-Hope just checking in with you and sending some love too. I hope everything is going ok. It is soooooo weird not knowing how you are going. It feels frustrating that we can’t be there for you as well.
Good morning, @CheerBear, anyone else around.
I read your post in the worry room overnight. Here if you'd like to chat about it if it's still on your mind after some sleep. Equally happy to leave the subject completely alone and chat about other things instead.
Dawn hugs to you.
@CheerBear, the time after my second procedure in particular involved some difficult big thoughts and feelings. Not regret, as I fully believed I'd made the right decision. More that it was a big life experience to have had and left me feeling raw.
It needs time to process. As with grief and mourning, I found that the further away from the event I travelled in time, the more accepting of it I became, the less heavy the emotions, and the more able I was to integrate the experience as part of my life.
It's totally natural to be going through this. It might be more of an issue if you weren't, as that might indicate the thoughts and feelings were being buried and not addressed.
My best advice would be to avoid going into overdrive with other issues and activity, and to allow your mind and heart the time to heal.
I know this may be difficult with all you have going on, but go gently with yourself, with your thoughts and with your emotions as much as you can. It won't all be resolved in one moment. But if my experience is anything to go by, you will reach a peaceful place with this over time.
Love to you.
