Just checking in.

[Mazarita]

@Teej, no holidays for C, except the main public holiday days. It's hard to get him to take any holidays even when he's owed them, even when he's jaded and over the job, and I suggest it could be a good time for it. But he usually ends up reluctantly taking a few weeks off at some time in the year, when he visits his mother and other family down south. 

I've had many years where I completely failed xmas. I understand feelings of embarrassment and even shame about that. 12 presents seems a lot to have to buy. I hope your pride in the earning power of your kids takes over the major role in the ambivalent mix of feelings. You deserve some credit for helping them get to that place.

[Teej]

Oops 12 is including me lol. 11 presents which is just family (I now include the girlfriends in that). @Mazarita. I was hoping this year would be better. 

I was hoping that c might have had some holidays so you had a few more outings in a car. I miss those really simple things lots, like a day trip or drive with someone. 

Morning @CheerBear. Saw you catching up. 😄

[Teej]

Starting to get sleepy @Mazarita. I hope you day is ok. Same to you @CheerBear. Will maybe catch up later. 💜🤗

[CheerBear]

Lovely reading along while sleepy eyes wake up and coffee happens this morning @Teej and @Mazarita 😊

Teej love the relating to donkey and the Shrek references 😊 Happy to see you hopefully through what's been a pretty tough time of things over the last days ❤

How did you go with your reviews Mazarita, if you're still up?

[Mazarita]

Xmas is rough on many of us with mental illness, @Teej. It's okay this year for me, but really has caused me trouble in the past. Part of the reason it's okay this year, I think, is that I basically gave up caring too much about it from past experiences. Also, because I'm not religious, it seems to have little significance really. But I get how it might be harder to take that attitude for you with family and girlfriends. Try not to beat yourself up about it. I'm guessing your family understands how difficult things can be for you, and still love and appreciate you (even if that's not always obvious, as happens with families). 

C and I will be heading down to the country town about an hour from here to visit our friends there on new year's day. That will be a good outing. Aside from that, I'm not that keen on outings in the car, as I still have a lot of anxiety about travelling that way, either as a driver or passenger. The friends in the town are worth it though and I'm looking forward to that visit. 

A good morning from me too, @CheerBear. 

[Mazarita]

Snap, @CheerBear, we were posting at the same time. 

I only wrote one more review yesterday, three to go today and still have part of Monday to do it too. Will be fine. 

How are you this morning?

Night, @Teej, sleep well. 

[CheerBear]

Good to hear you stil have time and you'll be fine @Mazarita 🙂

I'm good this morning thanks. I had a good day yesterday with a very helpful (as expected) psych appointment. We spoke a lot about the relationship I have with friend and things like sex and intimacy which we haven't really spoken about before. I found it a great space yesterday to talk and vent and hear his perspectives. I then spent time baking with the kids at our not-home making goodies for their classes with them. Completely crashed last night and slept soundly- big win!

Hows today looking for you? (Love the way you ask that one)

[Mazarita]

So good to hear your psych appointment was very helpful, @CheerBear. Great that you were able to talk about your relationship with friend in an open and nuanced way. Wonder what your psych's perspectives on it might have been, but feel free to not answer that one, as you wish. 

Today is looking quietish. Hoping to get myself in the shower and go visit close friend not far from here with C. Only other aim is to complete the rest of the writing I have to do.

How about you?

[CheerBear]

After actually face palming himself with the notepad he was holding (in a nice way) when I told him about the pickle I was in, he said that given the context and the situation I am in, I made what he thinks was a sensible and rational decision @Mazarita. He then went to talk about how 'from a clinical perspective' (hes so clinical it is funny!) he thinks it is great that I am exposing myself to the tricky things a relationship of this kind can bring up instead of running from it all like maybe I would have done in the past. He supports and is encouraging of me doing this friend thing and wants me to continue keeping boundaries firm but allowing the good that can happen to come in too. Even the good can feel weird and scary so it was helpful to talk that out a bit 🙂

Quietish and a visit with friend sounds good today. Nice that C will go too. Today for us is the big shops again to get something for one of mine who needs it in the next days, then housework ready for a big day with lots of people (an extra 4 kids and an adult) tomorrow. Preparation is key for me to be able to get through busy things happening in our house.

[Mazarita]

Thanks for sharing your psychologist session, @CheerBear. Good to hear he supports your decision, and is encouraging of your steps outwards in a relationship sense. It does sound like there is good in that friend.

I get it with preparation, though for me it's never as socially ambitious or demanding as what you are able to do. For me, I have been finding the more I plan ahead and organise my head about things beforehand, the better able I am to expand what I can manage. There's one thing that has really helped me with this: a little dates diary, where I write all my appointments and other things I'd like to get done. There's rarely a week when I get through all I have written there, but for such a little thing, it's helped enormously. I was given my first little diary by my first support worker at the start of working together. I thought nothing of it then, but it's now an end of year ritual to make sure I buy one ready for the following year. I already have 2019 and am adding items to it already.