Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[stella]

hi all, my partner is having a very difficult time at the moment and i have not been in a position to give her the support she needs because of other family issues. she is feeling very empty and lost and angry. Her GP and therapist want her to go into hospital but she feels like she would be going backwards as she has spent time in psych hospitals in the past.

Today she has told me I am to blame for her feeling so bad and she would concider going into a private hospital if she could take her dog with her. Does anyone know if this is possible, as I am getting desperate and she needs help.

Thank you

[Bubbly]

Hi there, @stella 

I am sorry to hear that your partner is going through a difficult time at the moment, and that you have been told that you are to blame. It sounds like you are very worried and are trying your best to support her.

I do not think that it is possible for her to take her dog with her, but I am wondering whether it may be helpful for your partner to talk to her treating team about her feelings around this to try to overcome this barrier to getting the support she needs. For example, what else might be helpful and comforting while she is there? I hear that due to going into hospital in the past, she feels as though it won't be helpful this time either. Perhaps also chatting more about other reasons as to why she feels as though she may be going backwards may be helpful?

It can be really difficult when someone close to us is going though a hard time, and I think it is important to try not to blame yourself. People experience difficult times due to a number of factors. It is also important to think about ways to look after yourself and keep yourself healthy. What are you doing to look after yourself at the moment?

All the best,

Bubbly. 

[stella]

thank you bubbly

I am of course very disappointed she would not be able to take her dog. The situation just seems to be getting more difficult as she now wont speak to me and has asked me to leave  our bedroom.

I know I have been a bit withdrawn from her lately as most of  my attention is taken up caring for my mother who has been under palliative care for the past year. It has been a very difficult time for my whole family and none of us are able to give her the attention she needs. We are both seeing our own therapist at present and this has been enormously helpful for me. I know she has fallen into a black hole and I am very concerned for her.

Thank you again for your reply

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@Bubbly wrote:

Hi there, @stella 

I am sorry to hear that your partner is going through a difficult time at the moment, and that you have been told that you are to blame. It sounds like you are very worried and are trying your best to support her.

I do not think that it is possible for her to take her dog with her, but I am wondering whether it may be helpful for your partner to talk to her treating team about her feelings around this to try to overcome this barrier to getting the support she needs. For example, what else might be helpful and comforting while she is there? I hear that due to going into hospital in the past, she feels as though it won't be helpful this time either. Perhaps also chatting more about other reasons as to why she feels as though she may be going backwards may be helpful?

It can be really difficult when someone close to us is going though a hard time, and I think it is important to try not to blame yourself. People experience difficult times due to a number of factors. It is also important to think about ways to look after yourself and keep yourself healthy. What are you doing to look after yourself at the moment?

All the best,

Bubbly. 

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r

[MIFANTCARER]

Sorry to hear that your partner is becoming unwell and that you are carrying unwanted blame (as carers this is often the case).

As you now know dogs (pets) cannot go into hospitals but as patients become well they can have day releases (they do this where I live), during this time you may be able to take the dog outside the hospital for her to see??

This may be enough to help encourage her to go and seek the support she needs.

Also you could try getting a photo for her to take or an item that belongs to the dog to have with her to help motivate her to become well.

Or you could also look at face time where she could see her dog over the phone.

Not sure if this helps but could be just the little reassurance she needs to look after herself and access support.

Good Luck