Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Healandlove]

@Tootsy @Shaz51 

@Tootsy , I am so sorry you are going through this. You were so brave and calm to be able to call for help for your husband.  I am so glad you were safe and hopefully got some rest. How was your husband on his return? 

I have been through this with my husband loosing control 2 years ago which marked the beginningof his mental breakdown, not hurting anyone but with such anger and lost look in his eyes. He was unrecognisable. I didn't know what it was, I should have called the ambulance then but i had no idea what was happening and I ended up managing to calm him down on my own by isolating him in a separate room. I know better now and should this ever happen again (and I really hope it doesn't as that is my limit) I will call the ambulance and police if I have to. I will stand by him should this ever happen again but not as a wife. I can't go through that again.  It is frightening and horrific to see the person you know wouldn't hurt a fly in such a state. I have told him this and that is part of his therapy is to learn to manage and control his emotions no matter the situation. Complex ptsd is such a horrible condition to carry.

I stand by you @Tootsy holding your hand. Please know you are doing all you can to support to him. He needs to let help in and work on his mental health.  I really hope he does. My husband is on his own journey and I hold hope we will come out the other side but only time will tell.

Please prioritise yourself too.

@Shaz51, I have been ok. My husband is under a huge amount of stress at work and this causes him to lash out at me and the kids but we had some very honest conversations and I realise my anxiety doesn't help the situation. He says he feels watched by me all the time and I guess I have PTS from his mental breakdown and it comes out at times. I remember you saying in a post that sometimes you feel limited by Mr Shaz, your potential I mean. I feel the same at times and wonder how my life would be different if the partner by my side didn't have these mental challenges.  Would I have an easier, happier life? Would I be a better person? I know these thoughts are not helpful but in my lowest days I can't help but think this. My husband has always been supportive of all my endeavours and has respected me as a person but his mental breakdown changed him in front of my eyes and when once I saw him as my rock I now feel I can't completely rely on him. Like I said...time will only tell if he can heal enough for us to stay together ❤️.  Life is so short.

I wish we all had more happy moments in it that sad.

How are you and Mr Shaz? It's cold in Sydney today. Hoping you are having lots of warm cups of tea to get you through the day.

Love to you ❤️ and hugs my friends @@Shaz51 @Tootsy

[Shaz51]

Hello @Healandlove 

I have felt and have said those things myself which you have written here in your message 

I have cried in the shower 

Over our married life   Mr shaz has taken himself to the hospital 3 times 

And because he took himself to hospital means he does not have to agree to ongoing treatment after his stay which I found premature and even if the specialist thinks it would be good for him 

@Tootsy , @tyme 

[Tootsy]

@Shaz51 @Healandlove @tyme @Former-Member @@@@Thank you for your support, I honestly don’t think I would have managed without it! Hubs is still not great as you would expect but there is progress in the the right direction, he has spoken to his psychologist this week and he says it went well and the acute team put him onto some other prevention team that has been in touch. They did say is get a call for carers support but nothing yet. I’m doing ok, the weekend has been good and I managed to do some sewing! I’m a bit more emotional though 🤔 I hope you are all having a good day x 

[tyme]

Hello my dear @Tootsy , how is hubs today? 

At the same time, what are you doing to look after yourself?

Thinking of you and your hubby.

[Tootsy]

Hi @tyme, thank you for checking in, today has been nice! Hubs has been busy in the shed and I’ve done some craft! Slow cooker dinner to come x

[tyme]

Calm after the storm @Tootsy !

Hugs. Enjoy your lovely dinner!

[Healandlove]

Oh @Tootsy , that is such encouraging news that your hubby has gone to the psychologist.  I completely understand the feelings being emotional. After being in survival mode, the body has to let go. Cry if you feel like it. It really helps me feel better afterwards.  Keeping busy yourself with craft is a beautiful form of self care..I love sewing too and when the kids were little I used to make them shorts and dresses. Now I have no time but I keep my supplies and machine for the future. What are you sewing at the moment? I would like to make something for myself one day.

Hobbies like keeping himself busy in the shed is also a wonderful outlet for your husband. 

A slow cooked meal sounds amazing! I might make one for tonight.

Sending you hugs 🫂 and love ❤️ xx

[Shaz51]

Hello @Healandlove , @Tootsy , @tyme 

how are you going today xx

having a coffee here ,

husband has gone to bed  , not feeling too good he said 

[Tootsy]

Hello @Healandlove @Shaz51 @tyme a good cry would be good sometimes that’s for sure! It’s been an emotional week, but a bit better today as kept busy. I love sewing, mainly for our grandson 🩷 and craft projects. I’m thinking I may have to cut back on my hours with work but I’m not sure they will appreciate it, time will tell. Sending hugs 🥰 

[Shaz51]

@Tootsy , I know it is hard , we are self employed and have been cutting back on work due to Mr shaz's mental health 

And I have found it was a great choose we did 

Sometimes we have to think of our own health then our customers xxx