Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

At the time I pretty much gave up everything apart from work @Sophie1 

I didn't realise the emotional toll his crisis took on me until after the event and I found counseling helpful. 

Some things to consider:

phases are generally cyclical, reviewing treatment plan - what has previously helped (ie med tweakage,  therapy, other) can be helpful.  Is a med change necessary - perhaps the trade off in relation to side effects needs to be revisited.  

It is tiring @Sophie1, sending very gentle thoughts your way 

[Sophie1]

@Former-Member  Thankyou so much for your thoughtful replies - I can't express how much it means to me - Esp coming from somebody who lives this kind of partnership too

I've been so confused what I have been feeling in the last 5 months since my hip surgery - part exhaustion and pain from rehab as expected - part mental exhaustion from new role at work - part guilt from not putting enough time into cello or rehab or work AND trying to run the house and organise our finances all at the same time ... 

I find it hard to know when to ease up on myself and in what areas ... and when to expect and ask for more from MsS 

MsS has miraculously kept her half a day of work a week so that's good and it will start up again in feb I think ... and she is signed up for the full 12 week I think version of the ACT Therapy day program ... next psych appt is mid Jan and same with migraine appt is mid Jan ... so there is lots of positive things set up ahead ... 

I just think I will attend her psych appt as I want to help tease out what is pain related bed rest vs depression ??? And the impact of pain medication on her other meds ?? And how to motivate her to be more physically active - I can't be her personal trainer as well !!!!

sorry ranting now ... but for myself I think just holding the job down would be a great priority - I think i have grossly underestimated the impact MsS not functioning for a year now with these headaches and fluctuating depression/anxiety cycles has had on me ... good news tho is MsS has not had a major bipolar hypomanic/depressive rapid cycle episode this November which has occurred in the last two years ... so tick ✅ there ... 

oh I have the form filled out for pbs meds as a family today so it's on the fridge ready to go to chemist with us in 2020 ... we will hit the threshold pretty early I think - wish I'd done it last year .. Thankyou tho for the info this year !!

ok so I will simplify my life for 6 months and make sure I am getting enough sleep and down time while MsS finds her feet again - hopefully she will find some relief and become more active- just being out of bed all day would be a massive step forwards ! 

[outlander]

Thinking of you @Sophie1 💙

[Sophie1]

Thanks @outlander 🙏 I really appreciate your thoughts - it helps knowing there are others out there who understand ... I just really want to be realistic about this year and start with a realistic plan and not burn out trying to be super woman for everyone - I have a history of that and  my people pleaser personality easily falls into behaviour patterns that serve others and my perceived expectations they have of me.. usually and almost always at the expense of my health 

[Sophie1]

Hi @outlander @Former-Member @Smc @Shaz51 @Determined 

so MsS cancelled interstate trip to visit her family on morning of flight as her migraines too bad - $$ lost urghhh... but that being said I'm relieved as MsS will have time to relax and destress after Christmas .. she is very depress and panicky at moment and says she is feeling out of  control

 We focused today on grounding activities - walk around park picking up rubbish , tidying house , putting Christmas decorations away and tidying clothes away - she did report feeling a little calmer by bedtime 

she feels guilty for not going interstate but there's really no point as all I would be doing is explaining to  everyone why she was in bed all day ... then I lose all time to relax for me too ... so I'm happy at home and taking chance to de clutter and do some op shop runs and plan for an organised 2020 ... including a new upright freezer coming on Tuesday so we can plan meals ahead and bulk buy supplies and save money and shipping trips !!  

the bushfires news  is also overwhelming MsS and I can see it layering on top of usual depression and anxiety - for now I suggested we make a small donation we can afford to Red Cross and when the fires pass make sure we travel to the tourist towns affected and spend holiday funds there to support them ... somewhere I heard this may help them recover ... also for now I suggested she may want to lay off reading the bushfire news stories - I'm concerned it could throw her depression too deep or panic too high eeek ... 

sp back to basics and grounding for now 

anyone else find their loved one struggling mental health wise  to process the terrible bushfire crisis ? 

[Determined]

Trust some down time will give you what you both need @Sophie1 

Understand how stressful family can be (my family not darlings even though they mean well) and also how draining making excuses can be 😕

[Shaz51]

ohhhh @Sophie1 , hugs my darling xx

Mr shaz cancells things too at  the last minute , I go with it my friend xx

it is hard , hope MsS is feeling ok this afternoon xx

[Jay-e]

@Sophie1 big hugs, it sounds like you've had a difficult few weeks over the holidays!

Whilst MsJ and I had a pretty decent Xmas and New Year, there were times (especially the last couple of days when I was preparing to head back to work again) that I felt overwhelmed at doing all the organising and running the household. And the addition of a much loved pup to the family who we both adore but I've been mostly responsible for! Yesterday I got a bit teary wondering how I can keep it all up and easing the burden somehow by getting help with the cleaning seems small but will allow me time to do things for me rather than spending my down time doing housework. Hoping this year it might make a difference.

Also your point about the bushfires is huge! MsJ did ask me to turn off the rolling news coverage because she wasn't coping but the thing that made her feel better, crazily enough, was the Celeste Barber fundraising. She got so excited with the climbing tally and for the last couple of days I'll hear her squeal and she gives me an update on the total. I think the positivity and hope is a bit of a ray of light maybe? 

[Sophie1]

Hi @Jay-e 👋 

just catching up on posts .. will reply more fully tomorrow as weary tonight 🙂 

but thought I'd share this MsS decided to spend her Christmas gift money from her family by donating it between Bushfire charities - one for animal welfare , one for volunteers and one for 'victims' ... this was her idea and I said it was lovely and a compassionate and appropriate response ... also I overheard her telling her sister on the phone that when the fires were over we would be doing our weekly shopping in fire recovering  country towns when we could and our monthly date lunch in a country town to help them recover - she had heard me talk about an article I read where farmers and townsfolk from burnt out towns had mentioned this as a good help for them in the future and obviously she took it on board - I was stoked to hear her relating the plans to her sister and sounding more like she could contribute to recovery efforts ... last week she was using words like hopeless ... so this is a great turnaround ! 

she also text messaged her environmentally informed friendly niece  to tell her of our plans to visit these towns post fire and also that she wanted to learn to change other lifestyle elements to help climate change impact minimisation - including how to use less plastic apparently ... 

again it was great to hear some of my suggestions being taken on board - she was desperate for hope and actions she can do to help - albeit just our bit !!

[Sophie1]

Hi @Jay-e @Shaz51 @Determined @outlander @Former-Member @Littletink_ 

fyi just in case your loved ones who already struggle with  MI and are struggling to deal with the emotional processing of the bushfire situation .. and of course as we all are finding ways to help ... just a share ..

MsS and I have found a little bit of hope to how we can personally help in the crisis into the future via campaigns like these - here are some ideas in case you and your families are struggling to know how to help within your means ..

Tegan Webber’s #GoWithEmptyEskies campaign and by the legends at @buyfromthebush

And also here is a copy paste from Turia Pitt's like minded campaign : 

If you want to buy something (now, or in the future), check out https://www.instagram.com/spendwiththem/.

Spend your money with the businesses in fire affected communities who need it. They need you. We need you.

This is a way to put money directly in the pockets of the people and communities who need it the most, and need it NOW.

Long after the threat is over and the choppers stop flying overhead. Long after summer ends and the wail of sirens ceases in the streets.

Help them rebuild. Make them feel heard. Spend with them.

And, if you’re a business in a fire-affected town, hit us up at https://www.instagram.com/spendwiththem/ to be featured.