Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Dadcaringalone]

Thanks X2 greenpea,
I think re-establishing his social group is the key. Thanks for your suggestions in relation to groups he would hopefully get involved with as he improves his confidence.

Yes, our whole family is completely drug and alcohol free. Been trying to explain this to my mates and extended family , where alcohol is an important part of their social life as a type of social lubricant and they don’t get it! I just disengage with these people and tell others I’m permanently on the wagon!! It’s important the be completely in control of your emotions to navigate the very slippery slopes of this illness.

I noticed at the bottom of your post you mentioned your daughter. Do you have any advice here? I find it’s difficult to keep my daughter away from these family crises which are often centred on my son. He’s often type of jealous of her because she’s started to build some great friendships while due to the nature of his illness, he is now lacking in this critical area. Her therapist has previously noted that it’s important that her own mental health is not impacted by this situation. She has her own issues she’s trying her best to deal with which involves deferring from uni while her leg injury heals so she has a limited capacity to deal with these family issues which according to her she’s completely “over”.
Thanks again for your very warm and caring assistance greenpea.

[Former-Member]

@Dadcaringalone @classycase

Just a little tip, if you add an @ at the start of someone's name it will bring up an option to 'tag' them, the latest contributors to the post come up as options but you can tag others by typing a name and selecting them.  Tagging  lets them know you have sent or responded to messages ie @greenpea @Zam

[eth]

Hi @Dadcaringalone responding to @greenpea's tag.  I'm not sure how much I can help here as I have no direct experience with schizophrenia.  The NDIS thread I started is called 'Anyone started with the NDIS?' which you can type on the search bar and then select if you want to.  I have bipolar 1 and complex PTSD and have fought a long battle to finally be accepted for NDIS funding.  The meeting with the planner is today so I can't yet say what they'll be making possible for me.  I guess the reason greenpea thought it might help you is that the thread is all about getting NDIS recognition and acceptance with what they call 'psychosocial' disability.  

Also there's an organisation called 'One Door' which used to be the Schizophrenia Association and they have a program of activities, support workers and also help with NDIS applications.  May be helpful for your son.

[Dadcaringalone]

@Former-Member thanks

[Shaz51]

hugs and walking with you today @greenpea, @Dadcaringalone, @eth

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone Hi Dadcaringalone my daughter was admitted into a private psych hospital for 2 weeks not so long ago for chronic depression which she has been suffering ever since my son's total breakdown happened back when he was 16. Her hospital admission was really good for her as it gave her a time out from her brother and a way to talk with other people who were experiencing similar problems. 

She has a brilliant psychiatrist now and her medication is at long last on the right path. Still we have a long way to go but at least now I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I think for her and me as we are the primary carers of my son is that we are also suffering some form of trauma due to his violence in the home when he was 16 and everything exploded at once. It was a terrible time and we are walking on egg shells at times with him (as you put it so well) even now.

I agree with you getting your son back with his friendship group is vital.How to go about that as a dad is tricky ... maybe you could organize a weekend away somewhere with a couple of them and your son and yourself.  Camping maybe where there is lots of bush walking and gets everyone away from their usual activities. Just a thought.

I will put my thinking cap on and see if I can come u with anything else that might do the trick. 🙂

[Dadcaringalone]

@greenpea Thank you so much for your very thoughtful message. Its exactly what I needed today after getting a huge blast from my daughter. Can’t believe how much we share.

Re: My daughter, very similar to yours. You have done an amazing job getting her to that stage, I wish I could in an ideal world, fast-forward my daughter to where you currently are with your daughter. She was my rock, beyond her years, when it was really bad 2 years ago and the Police were trying to find my son and this was before she started year 12 and she was dealing with a lot in her own personal life. Currently she’s unfortunately a long way from addressing her depression, she blaming everything on everyone else apart from herself and my son and the family are her major culprits. She was severely suicidal all throughout her HSC exams last year and I was the only one in the family who had enough trust from her to put up with her nightly panic attacks! She tried medication last year and she couldn’t handle the side-effects, I thought she was much easier to handle on the medication but this was unfortunately discontinued. She’s currently seeing a psychologist but her therapy sessions only make her ”as high as a kite” for a few days until the clouds of depression move in and she’s unable to see the silver lining anymore. What are your thoughts about how to help her? It’s a great pity that she was so severely affected by my son’s schizophrenia. I feel like her mental health is not improving but she’s 19 and every independent and even wants to go interstate to get away from everything even though she delusionally can’t understand that’s she’s not in a position to fend for herself and even has a pretty severe leg injury from jogging her problems away which requires continuous expensive physio.

Re: The social engagement of my son, I planted the seed today and will revisit it in a few days when he’s had time to digest what we discussed. Didn’t need to walk on any egg shells today and we had a very positive and productive day.

I am seeing a psychologist tomorrow who specializes in carers related counseling and I expect to feel much better afterwards because I have seen her before. Feel like I’m suffering from a bit of carers burnout at present as I have been doing everything for my son and daughter over the last month. I’m lucky because I’m able to practice mindfulness meditation almost anywhere and that helps me stay grounded and balanced. Also catching up with an old mate tomorrow for lunch who an absolute classic so I expect that will help improve my ME time which I haven’t had much of recently.

Had a very funny experience with my son camping a few years ago where I really embarrassed him when we woke up next to a creek in the morning. We might wait until the weather improves if he’s in a good enough space. If time permits we might drop into my brother’s holiday house down on the beach and do some fishing before the end of the school holidays. Thanks for putting your thinking hat 👒on greenpea. 

All the best and thanks for your support 

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone Hi Dadcaringalone great hearing from you ::). Yes we are in similar situations lol.  My daughter at 19 was in a very low place. She would basically sleep and eat all day things have improved now that she is 23. In the space of a year with the right medications for her and the right psychiatrist and mental health nurse she is like a different person (don't give up there is light at the end of the tunnel).

Having time out for my daughter at a private mental health unit in a private hospital worked wonders for her. Gave her spaceshe met new people, attended courses which all helped her so much so that she has agreed to do another course this coming weekend. If you have a good one near by I can thoroughly recommend it.

Funny, what you say about your daughter and her leg injury due to 'jogging her  problems away ' (not really funny but you will know what I mean when I tell you) when everthing here was so bad and I was also so sick I would jog everywhere and now suffer from leg pains due to the constant jogging .... am too busy atm to worry about physio will do that later.

Am so glad that you are spending some 'me' time out with a mate today. That is great, I like my 'me' time out walking by the bay in which I live.I get to see all the bird life and watch the sun come up if I am up early enough.

I will keep my thinking cap on for you for more activities to help you and your son but the beach house sounds like a great start. Nothing like fishing. I love fishing very restful (I always put them back though as I am a vegetarian lol :P).

Have a great day Dadcaringalone

Talk soon

greenpea xxxx

Love 

greenpea xxx

[Dadcaringalone]

@greenpea

Thanks for your amazing message.

My daughter decided late last night to not disappear interstate. Think it was mainly because she doesn’t have enough money. Will keep searching for light at the end of the tunnel especially when the Thai soccer team can find their way out of cave in ChiangRai, this news story certainly gives you hope! Need to find an experienced cave diver who can show me the light at the end of the tunnel!

I am also a vego as my daughter calls it, and have my vego-versary of 2 years in November. Did a great vegetarian cooking course when I was recently in Thailand.

My son is improving after his almost a month in an adult mental health ward. That was really draining on the family. He’s got a few major challenges ahead but he’s getting his head in the right place which is really positive. I hope you have enough family support to get you through the long road ahead. I see my caring as a lifelong long commitment to my family.

Please have your leg looked at! It’s not good to put this type of injury off for later until things normalize because they won’t. There is something like a Medicare Mental Health Plan for chronic injuries your GP can put you on where you receive up to 5 Physio visits that are subsidized. It’s important as a carer that you stay strong and “don’t do anymore jogging your problems away” until your leg has fully recovered!

Best of luck for a great day. Take care and keep trucking. Xxxx ooo

Dadcaringalone

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone Hey Dadcaringalone I have had a thought. Have you heard of Outward Bound Australia. They do activities camping treks around NSW. My ex did one years ago and found it to be a really character building opportunity. They take families as well for short activities and also longer ones (anway I hope the mods dont get mad at me for this as it isnt advertising for them). Just thinking it would be a good opportunity for your children and you perhaps to do something together away from the norm.

ps: When my daughter is fitter (she is clinically obese) I would love to take her on one. I think they sound terrific 🙂 Just a thought. Hope your lunch went well.