As carers we always like to believe and portray that we are invincible, strong and have endless capacity for caring for our loved one's with mental health issues. The reality is that we often have our own mental health issues (e.g. depression, anxiety etc.) to navigate whilst caring for another.
As part of my son's intake assessment information that I've been completing ahead of his appointment next week there are many parts dedicated to past history and in particular the mental health of the family. That section has been a major stumbling block for me. I've been in therapy for 3 years and in all that time have never been "diagnosed" or "labelled" with anything. The words depression and anxiety have been thrown around, but they do not do justice to the complexity of what I experience. I had therapy today and asked my psychologist what I should put down for "mother's" mental health and stressed that I wanted to be as transparent as possible so that the team of clinicians get a comprehensive picture. It's no secret that I had a very traumatic childhood and an equally traumatic and abusive adulthood and that I struggle enormously with the impact these experiences have had on me. I could see that she was extremely hesitant and reluctant to say anything. I showed her the form. I persisted and said "These are my choices; I either put nothing which is untrue or I can list all my symptoms individually because they are the only two options available. Finally, after much hesitancy she could see my point and reluctantly said "I don't like using labels", to which I said "I don't either, but neither do I feel comfortable desribing myself as a host of symptoms". Eventually she said "what you are suffering with is complex trauma or c-ptsd". This wasn't a suprise to me at all. I've been told by other counsellors via ASCA (adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse) and 1800respect that I my "collection" of symptoms are all related to trauma and the prolonged and repeated exposure to trauma. ASCA have directed me to many wonderful resources to read up about it in the past but I have never disclosed this to my therapist. I'll never understand why it's taken so long and with so much reluctance to say "you suffer with complex trauma or c-ptsd". I understand that there are many clinicians/therapists who don't like labels, but external validation for my internal experience is like music to my ears. It actually makes me feel better.
I'm going to do another post about ACEs because I'm very interested to read the responses. Stay tuned.
Janna ❤️
Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)
Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs)
Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
Kids helpline (24 Hrs)
13 YARN