Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[2Confused]

Hi, i'm new to this but really need some advice from other people who may have a similar situation. My husband was diagonised bipolar about 3 years ago he also has social phobia. We have been through many depressive and manic episodes, the manic episodes now have him extremely agitated and aggressive - no physical violence though. We have 3 teenage children, my hisband has had councilling on amd off but refuses to take any medication, i feel like i have had enough and don't want to continue to put my children through a situationthat is not going to improve. I guess i feel like my husband is not taking any responsibilty for his illness, if he is not going to take medication he is not interested in maintaining our relationship but i also feel incredibly harsh asking him to leave!

[Baboo]

@2Confused 

What is your husbands opinion on his medication? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to take it? Where you involved in any of his treatments as a support or carer?

I do think what your feeling about your situation is a very normal one. Yes a person has to be responsible if and when they are ready to start taking steps towards their recovery- or maintenance of their MI.

Has any one else been in similar situations with their partners here on the forum?

[Louise]

Hi, I can't offer any advice because every situation is different and every person is different. But I can tell you my experience ( which is only 1 experience)

I'm sure what you're feeling is very understandable and normal. My sister was initially diagnosed with hypomania following a breakdown, aged 30. She refused hospitalisation and medication with the support of my family. She was married with 2 young children, and her husband wanted her to take medication but she refused. Within 2 years the marriage was completely over and my family judged her husband harshly but I didn't blame him. I felt at the time that no-one would be able to put up with her, as her manner was very threatening. She has now had chronic severe mental illness for 18 years and is the most isolated and unhappy person I know. I no longer visit her because I feel so unsafe I'm frightened I will become violent in self-defence. Basically the only people who can tolerate her are her children, and they haven't had much choice. If I knew back then what I know now, I would have encouraged her to take medication. 

By contrast my son was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder this year, hospitalised for four weeks and takes his medication. I was initially worried about the medication, worried about the side-effects. But he is not suffering any side effects, all symptoms of MI are gone and he is actually happier than I have ever seen him. If all continues to go well, he may be able to come off the medication after one year ( which isn't very long really) and may never have any more MI. Of course it is way too early in his journey to compare him to my sister... but I do feel he is off to a much more promising start.

I hope things improve for you and your family.

[Ellie]

In his current condition, he most likely lacks insight. Can you speak to your GP about getting your husband put on an TO (Treatment Order)? I'm not saying this is the best option as there may be reasons not to do so for reasons I'm not privy to. As someone who works in the field, I'd like to write so much more, but am afraid I may be breaching the forum rules.

[JT]

You are quite frankly stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Speaking from personal experience until a person is ready to accept they have an illness and take personal responsibility your're stuck.  I'm an offender myself.  Spent 20 years out of control before I finally had the breakdown that snapped me out of it.  I still stop my meds occasionally but at least I have the insight to see when I should stop being stupid and start taking them again.  

However, since I'm here in carer forum land I should switch to carer mode.  My son is soon to be 17.  He's been refusing to cooperate with therapists and consultants since he was 8.  I endured psychotic episodes, voices, violent paranoid outbreaks for years whilst he refused to accept diagnosis or medication.  I did manage to sneak some into food but then the paranoia stretched to us trying to change him via his food.  Not to mention the time his meds were changed and they made the food taste bitter......that didn't go down to well I can assure you.  I had an insight breakthrough with him when he was 13 and went on a rampage with a sharp bladed kitchen implement.  He acknowledged at that point he didn't want to feel like this forever and accepted he needed to allow people to help him. It was another year before he agreed to take medication and a month ago he actually researched it himself and had a conversation with his paediatrician before accepting the meds.  He's been taking them for 3 weeks.  

Sadly we are our own enemies.  

[Hobbit]

Hi everyone, it’s Hobbit here, one of the moderators on these forums.

I have been reading this thread and thought I would draw your attention to another thread on the forums, where you guys can express you opinions on mental illness and medication.

This is research that ARAFMI NSW is doing for the SNW Mental Health Commission, in order to provoke discussion in the community and provide an opportunity to shape decisions about medications and mental illness in NSW. You can read more about it here.

@JT @Ellie @Louise @2Confused - If you would like to make any contributions to the thread, here is the link.

You opinions really count, and this is where we can all make a difference!!

Thanks

Hobbit

[Ellie]

Hi Hobbit and thanks for the heads up, although the link I went to seems to be past the input date. Then again, I'm not too good at all this computer stuff either.

Not sure I can say much about medication. I'm on a mood stabiliser where others claim to see a difference in presentation if I go off it, yet I don't notice a thing. It doesn't seem to be having adverse effects either, so I'm hapopy to stay on it.

I'm also on an anti-psychotic. This has been amazing for keeping me from "zoning out" when under stress and it allows me to wander into shops without my social phobia coming to the fore, but it has a nasty drawback for me. I also suffer from sleep apnoea if I roll onto my back in bed, which I usually do, but I'm normally a very light sleeper and can usually come out of the event with little trouble and just before panic sets in which make the situation much worse. Think CIA water-boarding without the water. Anyway, the anti-psychotic causes me to sleep much more soundly and I don't wake up until I'm almost into respiratory arrest and it's quite frightening. The resultant panic causes my windpipe to suck shut and I just can't relax enough to allow it to open until I'm almost blue in the face and passing out, so you can see why I'm very reluctant to take the anti-psychotic at all and so the social anxiety and freaking out when in crowds goes on unabated.

By the way, if anyone could offer me something that actually does work for sleep apnoea, then I'd be eternally grateful. I know I couldn't sleep with a mask on. I'm just too light a sleeper due to my nervous disposition.