Struggling with My Partner’s Mental Health During Pregnancy

[Amor]

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t know where else to turn. My partner is pregnant, and while I want to feel excited and hopeful, it’s been one of the hardest periods of my life.

We started living together without a solid foundation or deep connection, and it’s clear that this has added to her frustration. She might be struggling with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder (BPD), which has made things incredibly difficult.

Her behavior swings between being very toxic—lashing out and treating me poorly—and moments of intense affection, like trying to hug or kiss me, apologizing constantly, or saying she wants to die. It’s emotionally exhausting, and I feel like I’m losing myself in the process.

Every day feels like a mental battle, and I don’t feel like “me” anymore. I want to support her and be there for our child, but it’s killing me mentally.

If anyone has been in a similar situation—dealing with a partner’s mental health issues during pregnancy or struggling in a relationship without a strong foundation—I’d be so grateful for your advice or just knowing I’m not alone.

Thank you for listening.

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Amor 

I just wanted to stop by to welcome you to the forums. While I can't speak from my own experience in this, I know that many others here support loved ones through really challenging mental health struggles. I'm sure it won't be long before someone is by to offer some of their own experience, but rest assured you are not alone in this.

In the meantime, do you have any supports who you've been able to lean on during this time? Friends or family? 

[Mazz_SA]

From someone who has been pregnant, the hormones AND mental health issues AND the entire journey into motherhood - ARGH.

Not knowing what your body needs, and being exhausted, and trying to connect with a partner... how do you communicate when you can't put your thoughts in order. 

Connect with her when she is calm, learn about strategies that she feels help her to feel safe, secure, grounded and loved.

I love a bath, or a hot water bottle and wrapped in hugs. Or essential oils or candles. Or comfort food/drink. Tap into her senses.

But I don't like these things forced upon me when I'm overstimulated or having a stress reaction. Offer two options gently ie, I could run you a bath or make you some food, would you like to try that? 

It's a balancing act - but it's definitely going to help you in your role as a parent too. 

[Amor]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[Amor]

seeking for a help from professional advice.