Relationship advice

[Floofyboy]

Hey new here but came here to seek some help on something,

For context me and my partner have been in a relationship for almost a year (long distance relationship) and the more I see his face in photos and in video calls the more I lose attraction to him, I don't know what to do because he's really dedicated and committed but I'm not physically attracted at all..

[Marzey]

@Floofyboy 

Oh this is a tricky one.

I've always followed my instincts and if there isn't a physical attraction, I've always been honest with myself and the other person and ended things.

Do you think it's something that can grow on you or is it a deal breaker?

I might sound shallow but physical attraction is really important. Just as important as emotional attraction and intellectual attraction.

If I don't find them physically attractive then it creates barriers with intimacy and overall comfort.

Just my experience with it, it's all I can go on I'm afraid.

Goodluck with everything though😊

[Floofyboy]

I feel like it might be a deal breaker because my partner is extremely committed and dedicated, but im just afraid to talk to him about how I feel with my physical attraction to him.

[rav3n]

hey there @Floofyboy welcome to the forums!!

sounds like a tricky situation to be in! i'm guessing being physically attracted to him is important for you to maintain this relationship? i'm curious - did something happen that may have contributed to you change in attraction to him? and do you feel like you're physically attracted to him when you meet on person, just not online? just some questions to reflect on, no pressure if you don't feel comfy responding.

from my personal experience, if i'm not attracted to someone physically, then i tend to find it hard to 'be present' and romantic with the person, and i feel like it would be unfair to them and myself if i pretend to like him. i've had friends lose physical attraction to the guy they were dating... and a lot of the times it worked in their favour because the guy wasn't actually compatible with them upon reflection. 

i understand that he's a really dedicated and committed person, i wonder, is that enough for you to continue the relationship? or do you want more (i.e. physical attraction)? 

(p.s. you can tag people using the '@' so they get notified of your response - e.g. @Floofyboy)

[Floofyboy]

I haven't met him in real life yet, but everytime I do see his face I don't feel attracted at all, it's hard to face because I know he really loves me and is really attracted to me, but all I'm showing is love not attraction, and being physically attracted is a big aspect for me as it's hard to like be present in love with him when I don't feel attraction.

[rav3n]

@Floofyboy just read the part about it being a deal breaker now! 

so by this, i'm guessing you've come to the decision that the relationship needs to end?

i don't know if physical attraction is something one can really discuss in terms of 'fixing' - unless is there something in particular about his appearance that you did want to discuss with him? (i.e. loss of physical attraction due to hygiene issues, fashion sense, haircut, etc?) 

but with physical attraction as a deal breaker, i think it would be unfair on him and yourself to 'pretend' to be okay with it. i know it's not an easy conversation to have, and probably a bit uncomfortable, but at the end of the day - we don't have much control over who we're attracted to! a way my friend has ended things with someone she was no longer attracted to was by saying: "i really respect the time we've spent and the love you've showed me. you are an amazing person and i've learn so much from you and this relationship. however, i feel that i'm in a different place from when we first started. i've realised that i don't feel the connection i was hoping for, and perhaps we were more compatible as friends rather than romantic partners' - you can definitely rephrase it in a way that better suits your history and connection with him though!

[Floofyboy]

I like that idea but I'm currently stuck because we did book a plane ticket to see each other and im ofc worried to say smth now and when I see him in real life I don't know how I'd be around him.