How to cope with a partner that going through the darkness

[RainbowBaker]

Hi everyone, 

Not sure if this exactly the right forum but I am looking for help or support.

For the last three weeks I have been on watch with partner, ever since they have said they are wanting to end their life. They have been talking to psychologist and psychiatrist for the last 10 or so years as they have quite a fair bit of trauma and mental health issues to work through, and these professionals also know of them wanting to end their life.

I have been through this journey personally a few times and I know how dark the darkness is. But what I am struggling with is learning how to love the person my partner has become as they go through this. Theythey go through patterns of not wanting to let me go and then pushing me away, they are quick to anger and the sharp word here and there, while being critical of what I do.

I am supporting them in all their progress bit by bit, but it is wearing me down, especially as I pour my love out and know there is no love in return. Which I hope is temporary.

For those who have had partners go through this, how do I manage to stay sane and strong for my partner, while hopefully keeping the love Alice?

[GalaxyOwl]

hey @RainbowBaker 

First of all, I'm sorry to hear your partner is going through it. It's not a good place to be but I'm glad to hear they seem to have good supports in place.

And it must be taking a huge toll on you too. I'm going through a similar period with my partner. Lots of push and pull, lots of black and white and fear and pain.

Its been two weeks, I haven't been sleeping much or eating. I decided to take a 1 week contact break from yesterday.

Personally I've been brushing up on DBT skills, which I've found really helpful for managing my own emotional responses to their challenging behaviours.

I think the struggle for me, is that while I haven't lost sight of the person they were before this started, I'm losing confidence I'll get the same person back out the other side.

All we can do, I think, is be there for them in this dark place, and remember who they are.

[RainbowBaker]

Thanks for reaching out @GalaxyOwl 

It is never easy, and I understand the no sleeping or eating part. During the darker days I am the same as the anxiety of always being alert around them stops any restful sleep. Sounds like you also understand that push and pull, the fear and pain. Remember you aren't alone in this!

It is good you are re-exploring DBT concepts and finding it is helping a bit. My own psych has me doing something similar, making sure that know when to compartmentalize so as to not fall down the dark hole as well. 

Beyond that I have found keeping small habits and routines, that are easy to do, really helps give me an anchor to help get through tough days.

I am struggling with the isolation of it a bit and not able to talk to a lot of people about it, so I thankyou for opening up your experience with it!

We will get through this a day at a time!

[Dizzy4]

@RainbowBaker Hi there. This is so traumaticfor you both. Just wonderin g if youve sought connection and support from your partners family...so you're all in this together kin d of thing. 10 years of pshychs and it sounds like not much progress!  I really hope this forum gives you some comfort or is an outlet youre looking for👍

[RainbowBaker]

Hi @Dizzy4 , thanks for the advice 🙂 I appreciate it.

Unfortunately they are estranged from their family due to trauma so that is not possible right now. But looking at finding some more people to build up their support network.