Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jane9]

Today my partner (bipola) told me that she is "unduly upset that she can't find our rubbish bin on the street but hopes a coffee will help". She said she is serious. I dont know how much more I can take of the little things that become the target of such distress. At least today it's not my dog or me that cause her angst abx anger. Its relsntless. This time she has good reason as her psychiatrist has suddenly stopped therapy as she's very ill but it's not just that. It could be anything. I suspect she's even a bit peeved that I just took the dog for a walk.

[Tiggeroo]

oh no @Jane9...

It helps me to look at the funny side (just internally i would never tell my partner i find his behaviours hilarious). For example, my partner had a melt down last week, probably the worst he has been in 6 months, he got upset to the point of tears that he had run out of hair gel... needless to say i absolutely pissed myself all the way to the shop to buy him more hair gel... then i cried in the carpark like a freak but thats ok, i had at least had a laugh out of it! 

why have they stopped treatment? thats never a good thing...

i would also suggest that if such small things are causing distress, the meds are not right... are you able to get her to a GP or another psych asap?

xx

Tigs

[Jane9]

Tigs, brilliant ! Yes you made me laugh about the hair gel. It's good to see the light side .I also hear that you are caring enough to get the gel where I just get frustrated and annoyed and reactive. I'll try to take a leaf from your book 😃

[Tiggeroo]

@Jane9 i am a path of least resistance type of person during the crisis point... so if getting the gel fixes the immediate issue, sign me up! then we can calm down and talk about why such a small issue resulted in a complete meltdown and inability to go to work or function. 

But there always needs to be a follow up conversation, as in why was this such an issue when really it is quite irrelevant to life in general. 

it took me a while to get this way though, so dont pressure yourself too much haha!

xx

Tigs

[Jane9]

Well I went to work happy today and even called my ageing mother to let her know about this conversation with you about bins and hair gel ! They are simple examples that illustrate a lot about what we put up with day by day. I haven't shared much with my mother except for a major crisis a month ago when I decided to move out after yet another controlling episode. It was the first time in 3 years that I disclosed my partners mental illness to my mum. She drives me a little crazy at times but she is amazingly practical and a good support person (just for me!). She knows about it as my uncle also has bipolar and her mum was his primary carer for years. Its good to be open. Thanks again. I haven't laughed for a while.

[Cherry_Brandy]

Hi

I hear you both, it does pay to find the humour at times, it can just bring out enough endorphins to help get through the immediacy of the situation.

[Tiggeroo]

I think you are exactly right @Cherry_Brandy, I find if i can have a laugh, it will often just perk me up enough to stay strong through the worst parts. 

@Jane9 its good to talk, and just to be honest... some of the things our partners do are actually funny to others, and as much as we want to be supportive and pulled together, its funny... and hell, we put up with the crap we deserve to have a giggle. 

I spoke to my partner last night about your partner and the bins and he then erupted with laughter and reminded me of a time a few years ago when he thought he had lost his socks for soccer... he had destroyed our house looking for them after taking his uniform off the clothesline (leaving all the other clothes and his sock hanging there). I was SO mad as my house was now a bomb site, this was before i had learned to effectively deal with his oddities, so i said to him ok ill help look no worries, and then proceded to throw things about the house (probably much like he had just done) and encouraged him to do the same, at one point i was yelling "they could be under the couch, quickly help me lift it, i cant do it alone", he thought i had gone mental... which then only served to show him how truely odd his behaviour had been! We can laugh about it together now which is nice...

Hopefully one day you and your partner will be laughing about the bins.

xx

Tigs

[Jane9]

Hmm, well I won't be mentioning anything to my partner because she doesn't know I'm on this site.. or maybe she does as I've probably mentioned it once in passing but she'd have no idea how much I rely on this and journaling to get through the days sometimes.

I have found myself in such a better place this week. I'd forgotten that I used to be a happy person who'd naturally wake up positive about the day ahead . The lightness this week continued and it helped me feel more grounded and centred and in control of my life when I could put the things that push and pull me all over the place into some perspective. It still annoys me that I have to deal with this at all and frustrates me that I react so emotionally with either anger or tears but this week I've found another way. It's worked this time. I hope it might work again but I think it's really only because I could share if with another person in a similar boat. Its a powerful thing to share and to laugh together . I doubt on my own I could summon enough humour. I can just see you both tearing the house apart looking for socks and his seeing himself through your over the top behaviour. It's great you can hold onto that part of yourself and that you can now talk to each other about his behaviour. I might even give it a go !

My partner has reduced some of the odd things and OCD behaviour like cleaning up after me while I'm still eating and freaking out when I pack the car boot three hours before a trip because it will affect the suspension but it does weigh down on me after three years. Now I try to accomodate that stuff as much as possible and just focus on responding to the really bad things like blame and rage (the behind the closed doors behaviour that no one else sees). I do my best just to not lose it.

Thanks again Tigs for helping me get back in touch with feeling normally light and positive and happy, even if just for a few days.

[Tiggeroo]

@Jane9 i am so glad you are feeling more like you. laughter helps, and even if it just for a little bit, we get to be carefree again. 

I understand how easy it is to lose yourself in thier illness. To be honest, I am not the same person i was when i met my partner, i do worry a lot more now, i get stressed easily, i cry, i yell, i often wonder secretely how my life would be without him. But then i remember what it is like when times are good, when we can laugh for hours with nothing but each other for company, i think of how being with him has taught me to be honest about my emotions and how that has allowed me to open up to others (friends, family, colleagues) and tell them when i am not ok and need support, i think of how learning to identify his emotional changes has helped me at work because i can pick up when someone in my team isnt right and ask them what we can do to help, i have learnt a lot from my expereinces and i think it has made me a better person.

And when i am having a tough day, i know there will always be someone here with some words of advice or support... So just know if you ever need a laugh, tag me and i will definetly provide one for you haha!

Did you manage to get your partner in for a medication review? it does sound like for both your sakes, it might be a helpful move

xx

Tigs 

[Tiggeroo]

@Jane9,

How are you doing this week?

I was thinking about you yesterday, just checkin in!

xx

Tigs