Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[lightwork]

Hello all, I am new to the site and have spent the last couple of days reading through all your stories and experiences. I'm a 31yo male that moved in with my friend about 18 months ago. She is a single mum and was struggling to manage the day to day stresses that come with that. 

about 4 months after I moved in I recieved a message from our neighbor saying she had to call the police and ambulance as my housemate was acting strangely. Prior to this episode I knew something wasnt right but wasnt sure what it was or how to tackle it. She was becoming more and more angry (not at me just the world) aqnd was talking about been hacked and watched also saying things about how we arent safe here at home anymore.

I had also noticed a difference in her appearance and what I call "the look" which is when she talks to you but her eyes are basically rolled back. 

She ended up spending 6-8 weeks away in the MHU during that time I looked after my 3yo god daughter (her daughter) and tried to work fulltime and visit my friend as much as possible. When she returned home which was arounf Nov last years she was still very angry. This escalated to her throwing stuff around and slamming doors (Never while her daughter was around).

she didnt continue with medication when she came out of hospital and was doing ok up until 2 months ago. 

Things really went up a level and very quickly too over a 5-7 day period she become increasinly paranoid and wasnt sleeping she wasnt making any sense in text messages or general conversation. She became verbally agressive towards me and others, she also lost her sense of time and started accusing me and our neighbor of having her hypnotized and that we were lying to her about the date and time and that infact it was only a week after her first hospital visit. 

then she started to accuse me of been involved in this hacking group and plotting against her. she would say things like "Are you going to go play in the crystal castle?" Obvioulsly something had to be done as it was getting to a point where I was in danger of getting hurt and she was in danger of hurting herself. 

So after a violent outburst (which I wasnt there for) where she came home and started throwing things around the house and smashing stuff the police were called again and so was the ambulance. they decided she wasnt enough of a danger to herself to take her to hospital. The next day her sister agreed to call the CATT team and advised them what was going on. They came and visited and agreed she needed to be hospitalized. She didnt agree to this so the police had to come again to take her. 

when I returned home to an absolute warzone and started the process of cleaning up I found her notes on the kitchen bench that were all about how I am involved with the bad guys and had been sent to monitor her for them. She has since been released from hospital and again came home very angry. 

It was at this point i decided it was better for me to care from a distance as I was confident she wasnt a threat to herself. So I packed some stuff up and stayed in a hotel a few blocks away for a few nights.

That was about a month ago now and I have only just returned to stay at the house again for the first time since she came home. Because this still all feels very new to me in terms of supporting her i'm not sure what to do.

I have eliminated stuff that I know are triggers for her e.g. I can only wear plain shirts no logos or words, No music, No computers and only checking my phone when she isnt in the room. I still get the feeling she thinks I am there to monitor her and report back to the bad guys. I'm not sure how to communicate with her to find out what she needs or to talk about how I can best help. although I am listed as her mental health advocate and next of kin there was no information given to me about what to look out for and who I should or shouldnt contact.  Also I have struggled with how I am meant to start feeling safe in my home again. 

[Lunar]

Hi there @lightwork,

A very warm welcome to the forums, it sounds like you and your housemate have been having a really hard time lately. I hope that the forums will be of some help and support to you.

Firstly, well done on an amazing job in offering so much support to your housemate. Especially in regards to being aware of her triggers, this can be very helpful. It seems as though she is having some paranoid thoughts in regards to your behaviours which can be stressful for the both of you.

In regards to ways in which you could help, in collaboration with her, you could encourage her to try contacting the GP and booking in a session for a review as she may need to be back on medication, you mentioned she discontinued medication 2months ago.

As you have experienced, this type of care can take a toll on you and you described how you are feeling unsafe in your own home. I think this should be your main priority at this point in time. It may be helpful in contacting the Mental Illness Fellowship Queensland to gain some further support for yourself.

Mental Illness Fellowship Queensland

http://www.mifq.org.au/how-we-work/carer-support

1800 985 944

Good luck, I hope you continue to enjoy the forums and find some support from MIFQ.

Kindest,

Lunar

[Mosaic]

Hi @lightwork welcome to the Forums! Thanks for sharing your experience about your housemate. It sounds like you're pretty worried about her and you're wondering how to best help. As you've obviously experienced, it can be difficult to convince a person to get help when they have no insight there is anything wrong. It can really leave people in your position feeling incredibly powerless and at a loss with what to do. It sounds like you have been a tremendous support for her, looking out for her wellbeing, and making sure her daughter is looked after. I'm sure it hasn't been easy for you to take that on.

Fellow member @Ali585 has been a support person for her housemate as well. I wonder if they could offer any suggestions/insights from their own experience?

Can I ask, do you know what might have triggered this episode in your friend? Sometimes psychosis can be stress related, or drug induced? How have things been at home over the last couple of days? How is her daughter coping with all of this? Hope you're hanging in there.