Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Uggy78 .... welcome to the forums.

That "like" was an "I hear you ...."

My husband and I are living somewhat estranged in the same household owing to him being in denial with an eating disorder, and therefore undiagnosed and untreated, and the affect that is having on all our relationships. While his behaviour has become absurd in some senses, and he was being emotionally abusive at times in the last couple of years, we have achieved an uneasy status quo where we all try to ignore the fact that he is unwell and it has reduced the pressure over all of us. In turn, he is feeling less threatened about keeping to his rigid daily regimen of diet and exercise, and has hidden the worst and obviously most dysfunctional of his behaviours, which has reduced pressures further ....

From what you have described, it might be an idea if you set up a separate living space for him, in order to shield the kids from more trauma, and do what you can to help him from there .... finding ways to "make do" until the real issues can be addressed properly ....

Others on the forums have done this. It's not ideal, but can be do-able .... and yes, it's walking a tightrope, but you have said that you love him to bits, and that's my reason for walking a tightrope too .... just trying to walk out guy home ....

All the best, and keep posting here ....

I will tag you from some of our more social threads so you can meet some of the others around here and feel the power of our community support ....

Chin up Hon ... walking with you ....

🌷💜
F&H

[Uggy78]

Thank you
When he left for 4.5 mths he got himself a unit we keep the unit for a year as it gave him and I somewhere to go for some time out
He had no money cashed in all his rdos at work went on a massive spending spree
Thought he was on top of the world
Sonhe is living in the unit now but I'm worried about him being alone
He drinks a lot to take away the pain
He has a doc app on the 9th to change meds and get some help
I do love him to bits

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Uggy78

The support and changes are likely to be in increments ..... just keep trying in every direction you can, but be mindful too of carer burnout .... you have a responsibility towards your own well-being too, especially with children to support ..... my five are all late teens and twenty-somethings, a couple of them married now, so I receive moral and other support back from them, but we have to all pull together to make things work .... it's hard going on everyone, but just keep doing your best .... sounds like you've been doing a fabulous job of it so far, even tho it probably doesn't feel like it .....

See what comes out of the doctor's appointment, and keep seeking opportunities .... maybe the unit will come free, or you can request to end the lease or something ....

Hugs .....

❤️💕

[Uggy78]

I would love for him to come home but our kids aren't ready for that 😢

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Uggy78

I can sooo relate ..... thought the kids and I would be leaving for a while there ..... then my WH (wayward husband) started taking off interstate for work commitments, and it took a lot of pressure off ..... it made it easier to manage when he was at home.

[Uggy78]

My dad has been around today to try get the kids to see the bipolar side of things my hardest one to crack is my 19 yr old son he has been through and seen so much 💔 Doesn't want his mum hurt anymore

[Faith-and-Hope]

Education is a real key @Uggy78 .... I had a break-through moment when the Stages of Change was pointed out to me.  It helped me to see where my WH was roughly within that cycle, an approximation of how long that part of the cycle is, a description of the behaviours associated with that stage .... (Bingo !!) .... and roughly what to expect ....

It took away the sensation that we were floating in space and no-one could hear us ..... it was like someone had turned a distant light on, showing us the way was in that direction.

Is family counselling available for you and the kids ?  It might be good to come together and air the feelings with someone who can help the kids make sense of them and provide context, even if it's just you and your eldest at the moment - he's your "lead-horse" for the others.

💗