Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Carlachris]

So sorry you are having migraines. I suffer with cluster migraines days at a time  for years but seem to have pretty much grown out of it happening. I think for me they were related to stress and hormonal changes. I still carry Imigran with me every day just in case. They are such a horrid thing. Everything has to fall by the wayside until they relent. 
My husband is a mess of Paranoia and CoV conspiracy and anger at the moment and I am finding his 2 hr walks away from the house both a huge relief and also scared for him as he might not come home one day. If he is picked up by the police he will be taken to hospital and I won't be able to visit him. He has gone so far down the FB Paranoia political conspiracy rabbit hole this time I just don't know how to bring him back. The trauma of childhood will never be healed for my husband either but I wish he was able to find just a little bit of brightness in the here and now and begin to enjoy our life again after we one day come out of This awful CoV crisis. Like you I am the constant shoulder of strength. It's not easy and I don't think ever will be. Love my hubby dearly but boy I'm tired.

[Carlachris]

Anyone here today? Im just not coping and want my life back. Its been way to hard lately. Everything just everything is a trigger for my husband and i honestly dont know what to do anymore. His verbal anger is out of contol. And he refuses meds going on 2 yrs now. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Carlachris 

Am around and listening.

[Carlachris]

Thankyou Darcy. Im just so sick of it all. Nothing helps anymore. He has taken me to the brink of my own mental health so many times i just dont know anymore. The anger the contempt the hatred his mental illness has for me is just so hard. He and his phsychologist came up with a plan to come off all meds 2 yrs ago DIDNT TELL ME OF COURSE NOT IM JUST THE STUPID WIFE.......until 4 months ago after i nearly had a nervous breakdown not knowing what was going on. He swore he was still on his meds. As soon as we are happy for a few days his MI has to destroy us with verbal anger and belittleing me. EVERYTHING is a trigger now. He is noise phobic. Goes off tap at bird noise or the dishwasher or the cat or the neighbor Walking to the letterbox....EVERYTHING. I just feel so alone these days. I cry alot as well. We have everything we need or could want we are so blessed and lucky but the more secure we are the more his anger at the slightest thing to go off on a tirade kicks in.....it makes him feel better to EXPLODE. I dont know how to live anymore. No friends, no tv , no noise but it dosent matter how miserable my life has become because his MI owns us. Im lost today. 

[Basil]

Hi @Carlachris,

It is understandable to feel so overwhlemed, angry and lost with everything you are carrying at the moment. I am glad to see you seeking support on the forums, as I am sure the carer community here can really empathise with what you are going through.

It is so important to be taking care of yourself and your own MH, so I encourage you to reach out to the SANE Help Centre on 1800 18 7263 if you would like some extra support at the moment. 

Warmest,

Basil.

[Former-Member]

 @Carlachris has he any insight as to how obnoxious he is being?

[Carlachris]

Thankyou Basil. I really do think we have just reached that point. The one of endlessness until he goes back on his meds. He feels everything too strongly. To emotionally. He is terribly FACEBOOK ADDICTED his phsych has begged him to get off it for 7 days and he has..... but all that vile anger spewing forth all over the world covid style is now here in my loungeroom focused on me. I have disengaged. I have walked away to another room it is pouring rain torrential here today. But his anger wants an audience so he follows me. I am safe but the verbal needs to burn out of him. This is because we met our first baby grand daughter 3 days ago. He is besotted with her......1 day of happyiness = 3 days of anger at society the police and ME the only thing he has left. Im tired very very very tired. How hany times do we get up again? Lifting him with me? Dragging him out of the MI without anyone to help but a stupid Phsych who has suggested sound proofing the house.....what an idiot how do you go outside? Hubby wont wear noise cancelling headphones as he is suspicious of them.......infiltraiting his brain. .....thankyou for your suggestion. I have kept the phone number hidden in my contacts list. He is also paranoid. Even just to know im not alone helps heaps. 

[Carlachris]

Yes.....thats the apology stage.......over apologizing suffocating hugs and attention for his dreadful behaviour time and time again. Im supposed to just forget the verbal abuse because he feels better so its over untill next time he is triggered by any number of ordinary day to day happenings. Everyday something else. Someone else. God forbid someone says a friendly hello to me walking the dog. We cant talk about anything without him changing the meaning of my words. Aspergers. Its like word jenga 100 x worse when on FB.  He knows hes doing it......he knows he needs to be re medicated but refuses point blank to get it sorted. You cant help someone who wont help themselves. Im trying to help me now. Anger is just sads Bodyguard.

Thankyou for listening i really appreciate it. 

[Jynx]

Hey @Carlachris, I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with such an awful situation. I'm concerned about what you're going through, especially when it comes to facing abuse. I'm going to flick you an email to check in.

[Carlachris]

Thankyou for the check in. I am safe. I have been through this revolving door for 14 yrs. This time i am questioning myself as to how much longer i can go on if he refuses to get help. When do you call it? Loose everything and start again. I dont want that we still love each other. But he needs help. 
And im very angry to have been blatantly left out of such a major decission as to going off all meds. It was done in secret with his Physchologist. Patient confidentiality and all i respect but i have been shown none. Where do I the long suffering wife find my feet? The help just circles around him i cant get help because of his paranoia. Im really angry at the total lack of respect from professionals after all he has the MI not me. I really thought we had come further along the path than this. There is NO help unless in TOTAL CRISIS. We are pre CRISIS. COVID Meltdown.

i have kept the phone numbers and info provided. I thankyou with a big hug. Thankyou for caring.