Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Hobbit]

Hi everyone,

I thought I would share with everyone a little journey i have gone through recently, and I think it's prudent to have this in the "Looking After Ourselves" forum thread. It's certianly my little lesson is looking after myself.

Lately I have been doing a lot. I work, I have also been going to university fulltime. I also have a 17 year old daughter, and there are some family issues going on. I also run a program on the weekends for people at risk of homelessness. Oh and there's also "life" to fir into the mix.

I noticed that while I was doing all these things, I was starting to do them with some sense of resentment. I felt I wasn't enjoying myself, it was actually starting to get difficult to begin each day.

So I felt something had to give. I made the decision to defer university for a semester, in order to help myself. I actually went through a real sense of failure at this, and it has taken me some time to get over this. I think the turning point was when i finally admitted to myself that I am human.

I felt that my choice was doing everything else in my life, and stop uni, or do uni and stop everything else in my life. I think my lesson here is that no one is a superman or superwoman, and i needed to include myself in that.

We seem very capable of saying these things to others, but often don't apply them to ourselves.

So, this is a bit of a personal story of overcoming a stumbling block. The stumbling block was thinking I could do everything, and nearly having a nervous breakdown. The process of overcoming it was in admitting I can't do everything. In admitting this to myself, I have found a huge sense of relief, and have actually become interested in life again.

I was wondering if anyone else has a similar story of overcoming their own personal stumbling blocks?

[JT]

Great topic Hobbit.  

I am a fully qualified over commitor lol.  Especially when I'm not so well and do things without much thought for how exactly I'm going to fit it all in.  I've been studying for about 13 years now and should be finished just in time for retirement (though admittedly if they keep moving that goal post perhaps I will get to benefit from all that study  )  I'm very good at telling people to slow down, not take on too much and make sure they have time to themselves for me time.  I'm obviously hopeless at taking that advice.  

I have 2 of my kids still at home with me, work full time, do volunteer work and allegedy study though I was only working part time and on a carers pension when I signed up for that so it kind of got relegated to the back burner this term.  I was the secretary on the board of a company so that was the thing that got dropped this time.  Having given 5 years to that one (as a volunteer) I decided that was the one that had to go as over the last 6 months I was seriously resenting the time it was taking from me.  

[Hobbit]

JT, you sound like you have a heap going on. Good on you for the perserverance!! I think that last line of your post is crucial. When you start to resent things you once enjoyed, it's time to re-evaluate things.

Personally, I have found a new sense of peace since I had the courage to take it a bit easier on myself. The ironic thing is, now I feel like I have more drive to accomplish everything that I need to do. I actually feel like I am more productive.

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Hobbit and JT,
My lovely Mother In Law said to me when I had to let go of some of my over commitments, that "that is so ordinary, how would you know if you were taking on too much until you have done it?" It removed all sense of personal failure immediately! It also helped me a lot to know she had done it herself, it wisely and kindly never commented on my increasing over commitments.
That's love right there,knowing when to not offer advice to a stressed out daughter in law until I asked for it.. I love her to pieces!
Aiming high is ok, it takes wisdom to know when to step back!

[PeppiPatty]

Hi Alessandra1992 and JT and Hobbit,

Alessandra1992 I so enjoy reading both your and JT s messages... It's good to read you like your mother in law. I really like what you write

Aiming high is ok...... Wisdom to know when to step back.

But I wanna add.....

If you think it's relevant....that it takes you to get to know you to understand you over committ??
It's sort of what I get from Hobbits message. And JT that she got rid of the one thing she knew was dragging her down.

[JT]

I think wisdom comes from experience and lots of retrospective thought.  We all wade through a lot of crap to get where we are!!!

[Alessandra1992]

And sometimes we stumble into over commitment without even trying...learning to say No has been a terrific tool for me as well😄

[JT]

No.  Easy to spell, near impossible to master 

[Alessandra1992]

That is N O..not Y E S or MAYBE.. Funny how sometimes we say no, and people listen for yes.. Then I think of dory, instead of just keep swimmer ng just keep swimmung, I think just keep no-ing, just keep no-ing...

[Alessandra1992]

That is N O..not Y E S or MAYBE.. Funny how sometimes we say no, and people listen for yes.. Then I think of dory, instead of just keep swimmer ng just keep swimming, I think just keep no-ing, just keep no-ing...thanks to Disneys Finding Nemo..