Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Attahua]

I have reached my limit now as after supporting my partner in the past seven years through many lengthy hospitalisations due to his illness , me continuing to hold down a full time teaching position throughout .....he has now , for the second time in the last twelve months, left his casual job to mine for opal !!! In my eyes he has shirked all responsibilities towards us as a family ( my daughter from a previous relationship, myself and himself) and headed to the opal fields whilst still being funded by my income alone which I have to use yo survive, pay two mortgages and bills!!!!!And he is making me feel guilty by saying he never gets a holiday etc etc but he works maybe two to three days a week, takes time off most school holidays and pretty much sleeps in on his days home!!! Feeling frustrated and wondering how much more I am willing to put up with!!!!

[NikNik]

Hi @Attahua

My goodness - no wonder you're frustrated. 

You have every right to be frustrated and question how much you're willing to put up with. That's a question only you can asnwer.

Do you have someone you trust (either family, friend or professional) who you can help you answer that question? Sometimes it helps to have someone objective to talk to about this stuff. Of course this community can be helpful with that too 🙂

Also, this month the Topic Tuesday is focusing on Boundaries, which you might find helpful.

Take care

[Splash]

While you are paying for his excursions it is like saying you approve of them.Move your funds into a private account that only you can access and only put enough funds as you feel comfortable with him having into your joint account. Then if he wants more money he will either have to work for it or return home.

[NikNik]

Hi @Attahua

How are things travelling?

Nik

[Attahua]

Hi, we are still plodding along!! Partner came to own conclusion that he needs to stay local and work rather than follow his pipe dream of making it rich finding opal but there was a lot of emotional damage done before he reached this conclusion!!! My daughter who suffers severe anxiety and depression has decided to complete her final year of schooling away from home but closer to her grandma as she says she simply cannot be here anymore! This is very difficult for me as I have a permanent job and cannot just up and follow my daughter for the sake of one year and lose my 'right of return.' I am finally seeking professional help which is the best thing I could've done for my own mental health although it is somewhat confronting!!!!Just hoping to survive the Christmas madness relatively unscathed!!!! Hope everyone else has a lovely, restful chrissy xxxxxx

[Newwave]

Feeling at a loss for you.
Standing by and with the one you love is a full time job hearing you but what can i say to help?
Please try to take care of you and your daughter.

[Former-Member]

hello @Attahua

I can relate to both of you.

I myself suffer from major depression & anxiety for a long time. I can imagine that your daughter would have struggled for some time before making that decision. I dont know whether or not she has seen a psychiatrist or is on medication. If that is the case the subject may have been discussed over a period of time in her therapy sessions encouraging her to talk about how she felt about the family situation and how she was affected personally. She may have eventually decided that she needs to look after herself first as you are deciding in your mind and have done "the best thing I could've done for my own mental health although it is somewhat confronting".

As far as the somewhat confronting part is concerned that is the nature of the beast. Your daughter is also growing up and thinking about her future life. You have a life with your partner.

It might help if you think of it as we are all doing what is best for each of us at the moment. Nothing is permanent. You have not lost your daughter. Lovely that she has a grandma close by. That is wonderful for the grandma to see more of her grandchild. Some wonderful magic there.

From your side, you feel that you have done so much for your daughter and worry about her because of her depression and anxiety. Very natural maternal instincts.

My adult son , paranoid schizophrenia diagnosis recently , totally in denial, has escaped the state. only in contact with dad occasionally for more money at moment.Is on the move again apparently.  i have tried ringing twice today and have sent message no response as yet. I may not even get one as he told me when i would not give him any more money that I only have one son now not two.

My maternal instincts are working overtime and the rest. i am desperately trying to avoid going down the guilt trip so easy especially when accused of things by him in his text messages before ( the paranoia talking). I dont want to think about him as in where he is staying, the conditions, what he is eating, whose company he is in.how his illness has probably progressed as untreated. things can only get worse before they get better if they do.  so i try to push all those thoughts on to a shelf off to the side and tell myself have hope, i wont give up on him and somehow he will sense this so that he wont give up on himself.

i have to stop now too upsetting sorry

[Shimmer]

@Former-Member, I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been able to get in contact with your son and are feeling so upset. We are here for you

[Former-Member]

hello @Shimmer @Attahua

i came back here to apologise to you @Attahua. I am so sorry to write that on your post when you have so much already on your plate. My intention was to help you not put that last paragraph stuff on you.

Thank you Shimmer, it all came flooding out and i lost it.

ive looked at other posts and responded.

i am feeling the full range of emotions today. i am fine though. i'm wearing my plastic smile to create some seratonin.

xxx